Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.
Miroku groped blindly in the darkness of the cave. For all of the supposed merits of Sango's 'secret family shortcut,' he couldn't see a damned thing. He stretched his hands toward the sound of his friends shortly ahead of him, and his hands contacted something warm and squishy.
Almost immediately, something considerably less squishy hit him in the face with a resounding smack. At the same time, the pitch-black cave was illuminated, revealing not only an impressive set of sleek, modern light fixtures, but also the fact the this cave was someone's (very nicely furnished) home.
"Wow," Kagome marveled. "Claplights."
Sango turned around to see Miroku cradling his reddened cheek with one hand. Miroku winced. "Um... it was an accident?" Which was quite true.
Sango also winced. "Um... it was a reflex?" Which was also quite true.
The two of them ahem-ed nervously. "Well, that was awkward, wasn't it?" said Miroku, giving a disarming chuckle.
"Yeah," agreed Sango. "We'll just pretend it never happened, okay?" she added, narrowing her eyes.
Miroku nodded hastily just as a thump and a muffled yell came from behind the screen that partitioned off one side of the room/cave. "What the hell are you doing? It's two in the morning! Turn off the lights!"
"That's what I'd like to know," said Kikyou, turning to InuYasha. "Why'd we have to start our little trip at eleven p.m., anyways?"
"Just because," said InuYasha cheerfully.
The owner of the disembodied voice stepped out from behind the screen, squinting at the six trespassers. "Seriously. What are you doing in my house?"
"We're not too sure ourselves," admitted Kagome.
The disgruntled homeowner's eyes widened. "I love you. Marry me, Miss... ?"
"Uhm... Kagome?" she offered.
"Right. I'm Kouga, and I'm in love with you, Kagome!"
"Ooh, how do you feel about that, InuYasha?" asked Shippou, who'd been sleeping on Kagome's shoulder until he was woken up by Kouga's boisterous declaration.
"Huh?" InuYasha was staring enviously at Kouga's 52" flat screen television. "Surround sound, isn't it?" he asked wistfully.
"Ah, young love," sighed Kikyou. "It sort of reminds me of our tragic love, right InuYasha?"
"Even a subwoofer..." InuYasha mused.
"Um, Kouga?" began Kagome. "Did you say you love me? 'Cause I've only known you for maybe, ah... thirty seconds? How is that even possible?"
Kouga wrinkled his forehead. "I don't know..."
"I was just wondering," assured Kagome hastily. "I'm not saying that you're a liar or anything."
"No, you're right," said Kouga. "In fact, this whole thing is really bothering me."
"I believe I can explain!" interjected a shrill voice.
"Myouga!" gasped everyone (except for Kouga, who had never met Myouga before).
"Yes, it is I, Myouga!" he squeaked. "I'm here to provide information in exchange for parasitic privileges!" He looked around the room with shifty eyes. "And I've never infected anyone with Lyme disease. Honest."
"Your word is good enough for me," agreed Kouga, "As long as the 'parasitic privileges' you're referring to are courtesy of that guy." He gestured to InuYasha. "Can you shed any light on my situation?"
"Well, Kouga," began Myouga, "Your condition is a first-rate example of the phenomenon known as 'imprinting.'"
"As what?" asked Kouga.
Myouga thought for a moment. "You know, that thing with the baby ducks? The first thing they see after they hatch, they'll think it's their mother, and it's called imprinting. That's what happened to you, except you sort of... fell in love."
Myouga turned to Kagome. "But don't worry, he's not dangerous. He may exhibit some stalker-like behavior, but for the most part he'll just follow you around and maybe try to hold your hand." Myouga turned back to Kouga. "Unfortunately, there's no cure."
Kouga shrugged. "It's not so bad. I can live with that."
"Hold on a minute," said Sango. "Doesn't something seem fishy here?"
"That's right!" InuYasha smacked his forehead. "How did you get the money to buy all this?" He glared accusingly at Kouga, pointing to the home theater system.
Kouga heaved a sigh. "A demon named Naraku killed my whole clan," he said, staring at the ground. "It was terrible. I was the only one left alive."
Kagome gasped. "That's awful, Kouga!"
"Yeah," Kouga continued. "So I collected the life insurance, and fixed the place up." He placed a reverent hand on his stereo. "It's in memory of them... it's what they would have wanted."
The group had a moment of silence in honor of Kouga's fallen comrades until Sango remembered something. "That was very informative, Kouga, but actually that's not what I was talking about." She pointed at Myouga. "I thought he was supposed to be dead."
Kagome snapped her fingers. "That's right!"
As if in response to Sango's statement, two miniature soul collectors flew into the room and started circling Myouga.
"InuYasha, it is time to come to hell with me," declared Myouga.
InuYasha raised an eyebrow. "Um..."
"Don't do it, InuYasha," warned Miroku. "This is no longer the Myouga you once knew."
"Indeed," said Kikyou. "The best thing for him would be to put him to rest and give his soul peace."
"Well... he was my dad's vassal and all..." InuYasha fidgeted. "I just don't know what to do!"
Myouga scowled. "I see how it is. InuYasha, I have to tell you something."
"I never knew your dad," informed Myouga.
"What?" InuYasha was shocked!
"Yeah," said Myouga, "I pretty much made up that whole bit about being your dad's servant while you were young and gullible, in order to get free meals... I'm actually kinda surprised you never figured it out..."
Kikyou looked mildly surprised. "You never told him?" she asked Myouga.
InuYasha gaped at her. "You knew?"
"Yeah," she replied defensively. "I thought you knew. I mean, who'd put that in charge of one of their kids?"
Myouga looked offended. "Fine! See if I ever show up to help you again!" He turned tail and fled from the room, eyes suspiciously damp. "Meanies!"
Everyone shrugged. "So, what do we do now?" asked Miroku.
"I dunno," said InuYasha. "What were we going to do before we entered this cave?"
"Well, I for one have absolutely no idea," confessed Kikyou.
"Let's go to McDonald's!" suggested Shippou. "I want a Happy Meal," he added. "Can I have a Happy Meal?" he asked Kagome.
Kagome put some deep thought into her answer. " ...As long as you're good," she decided.
"So we're going to McDonald's?" asked Miroku.
"Yep," confirmed Kagome.
"So, how do we get to McDonald's without trespassing on any more residential areas?" pondered Miroku.
"Oh, not to worry," said Kouga. "I have a GPS."
InuYasha could only glare in envy.
AN: Well... here's chapter 11, hope ya'll liked it. Thanks to Fanty for reminding me to update, or I probably never would have never gotten off of my lazy butt and updated, and would have consequently been consumed with a small amount of nevertheless haunting guilt for leaving all 3 or so of my readers who still care about this story hanging.