It was July in the unnamed town in the unnamed state. Our story takes place in the unaddressed house owned by the unnamed adults who had a named child. Calvin was that child, of course. He and his best friend, Hobbes, were reclining in the bedroom in the unaddressed house. They were enjoying their summer greatly. They had just saved the world from the powers of imagination, and now that Calvin had gotten over the fact that no one remembered the events, Calvin and Hobbes were enjoying their summer. They had watched TV, read comic books and played Calvinball all day and each day. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, they held GROSS meetings. They continued to have their little plans to bomb Susie obliterated in their faces, but they got medals anyway.
"Summer vacation…," Calvin sighed. "Whoever thought it up should be given the Nobel Prize. It sure beats working in the fields!"
Hobbes didn't reply. He was wrapped up into his story about the Braden Brothers Issue Number 228.
They could hear the sounds of something moving downstairs.
Hobbes snapped out of his trance and looked up.
"Are your parents playing Twister again?"
"If that's the case, it's a good thing we have the hospital on speed dial," Calvin said, not looking up.
However, the noises seemed to grow louder. There were several manly grunts from the living room.
Calvin grew nervous. "You don't suppose that—"
"He's in space, and he's not coming back," Hobbes said, referring to Retro. "Let's leave at that, okay?"
"I wasn't suggesting that, idiot," Calvin growled. "I'm saying maybe Dad's mutating into some hideous beast from the Planet Zorgywogry!"
Hobbes paused and looked up at his short, naïve friend.
"Okay, no comic books for the rest of the month," he said in an authoritive tone.
"Shut up and let's go see."
They dropped their comic books and scurried downstairs. They skidded to a halt in the living room.
Something is very wrong here, Calvin thought. I can feel it.
He looked around the living room. Mom and Dad were at their respective chairs, moving their lips over the books they were reading. The fireplace had been closed for the summer, so it had nothing but ashes. The pictures sat on the fireplace with spider webs draped lovingly around them. Dad's only Employee of the Month plaque was hung on the wall as dusty and unlooked at as ever. The same applied to the paintings and photo collages. The throw rug was as tacky as before. Everything was normal-looking.
Suddenly, Calvin knew.
He scurried over to the other side of the room with his stuffed tiger. He stared at four little dents pressed into the carpet. His beloved viewing box was gone. The box he worshiped so much had been taken away! His eyes bulged. He had to put a hand on his stuffed tiger to balance himself.
When the nauseating feeling was gone, Calvin whipped around to face his parents. He knew darn well who had done this.
"Dad," said Calvin.
Dad ignored him and continued reading.
"Dad, we have to talk."
Still, Dad failed to respond.
Calvin smacked his forehead and grabbed his father by the ankle. He jerked him right out of the chair.
"Calvin!" yelled Dad.
"Why did you do that?" Mom demanded.
Calvin pointed to the carpet near his stuffed tiger where the little dents were.
"We seem to be missing a major appliance," the little six year-old said.
"Yes, the TV is gone," said Dad. "I locked it in the closet."
Calvin jumped Dad and grabbed his glasses off his face. He looked through them. "Do you see evil demons through these things that tell you to be a cruel man?"
Dad snatched the glasses back. "You've been doing nothing but watch television since you got out of school!" he explained. "That's not good for you."
Calvin was about to try and remind him about the Imaginator incident, but he stopped himself. There's no point in trying, he said.
"Besides, most television programs are just garbage anyway," Dad went on.
"Junk?" Calvin almost yelled. "Loony Tunes? Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy? Garfield and Friends? You call that 'junk'?"
"Well of course! They're animated! You just get a bunch of cheap laughs from them that don't make sense later on! Besides, they just waste time! You could be outside getting several things accomplished. You'll never make it in life if you just sit around doing nothing!"
Calvin tried to score a few points in the argument.
"I… I could, um… I could be the governor of Massachusetts!" he said quickly.
"He's got you there," Mom said, not looking up from her book.
Dad rolled his eyes. "Even so, I think we'll all be better off this way," Dad concluded as he sat down again. He picked up his book and continued reading.
"We'll all be bored to death this way!" Calvin corrected. He grabbed the stuffed tiger and stomped upstairs to his room.
He yanked the door open and slammed it so hard the house shook. Then he opened it again and actually went in. He slammed it again, twice as hard. Then he opened it once more, let Hobbes in, and slammed so hard that the doorknob seemed to fall off.
Calvin scowled and ignored it. He jumped up on the bed and screamed into the pillow.
Hobbes sighed and put the doorknob back on the door.
"Some Mr. Entertainment he is," Calvin grunted.
"Like this is gonna interfere with our usual schedule anyway," Hobbes snorted. "We just need to have extra GROSS meetings is all."
"Hey, even I can't come with enough slimy girls to last us three hours!"
"Wow, a weakness!" Hobbes gasped. "Amazing. Simply amazing."
Mom walked in the door. "By the way, Calvin," she said. "I'm taking you to the doctor this afternoon for your annual physical."
Still face in his pillow, Calvin's muffled reply was, "Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse."
"He'll probably give you a shot."
Calvin had to clutch the mattress to keep from floating into the air from the force of any upcoming shouts.
"Also, I've decided that we won't be buying you anymore water balloons. You've been getting into too much with that GROSS club. I'm getting your father to tear down your tree house."
Calvin clutched harder to the sheets on the mattress. The scream was almost there.
"Also, we're having dinner at the Derkins' house tonight after we get back. We'll be having boiled cabbage and broccoli. I want you to sit with Susie at the small table. I'll be back in half an hour to take you."
Hobbes turned and faced Calvin. He could hear the sound of a tea kettle whistling as steam poured from Calvin's ears. The boy's body was vibrating wildly. His scream was in his throat.
"Fire in the hole!" Hobbes cried. He ducked into the closet.
Calvin couldn't hold onto the mattress as he suddenly exploded in fury.
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHH!" he yelled. He was as loud as possible. He slowly calmed himself down.
Hobbes peeked out of the closet. "Was that you or Mt. St. Helen?"
Calvin snarled in absolute rage.
"I don't know why we bothered risking our lives for those jerks!" he hissed angrily. "They haven't been grateful people at all! Just because ol' poofy sideburns is in space now, they think it's safe to be the idiots they were before. I'm not a hero, apparently. I can not go on like this!"
"What do you propose we do?" Hobbes asked. "Make a petition to ban your parents from the neighborhood?"
"Don't joke, Hobbes," Calvin snapped. "We're not going to spend one more moment in this TV-hating, girl-liking, doctor-going-to environment! Pack your toothpaste. We're running away from this sickening wasteland those miscreants call home!"
Hobbes looked at Calvin with question in his eyes. Was this kid serious?
"Are you serious? Every time we leave this house, we get into trouble!"
"I don't care! We are getting out of here!"
And they did, too.