Absolute Remorse

Author's Note: Set around Absolute Power, so kind of spoilerish. Daniel's always had a thing for Samantha, and when he becomes Almighty Powerful he acts on his feelings, with tragic results. My darkest fic so far, so don't read if you like your fics fluffy!

I haven't actually seen AP, but ever since I read the synopsis I've had this idea in my had, so forgive me if some of the details are wrong.

And of course I don't own Stargate. If I did, I'd be writing scripts, not fanfiction

Chapter One

It all started when Kasuf, Doctor Daniel Jackson's father-in-law, heard a voice on Abydos. The Stargate team had gone through the gate to investigate, and been witness to a whirlwind that had produced Shifu, the child of his wife and the Goa'uld Apophis. Daniel wondered if that made him Shifu's step-father.

His heart still ached when he thought of his wife, but not so much as it used to. If he'd thought about it, he would have identified Major Samantha Carter as the source of his receding grief. She had always been there for him when he needed company, to make him laugh, hold his hand, or just to have someone else in the room.

But of course, he couldn't think about that. His feelings for Samantha was – he couldn't bring himself to think of something that felt so natural as inappropriate, but subconsciously he knew his attraction to her would prove to be a nightmare for the team, so he never allowed himself to think about it.

Instead, he concentrated on the boy in front of him. Shifu held the genetic memory of all the Goa'uld, and as such, could hold the key to destroying them.

Shifu wanted to know about his mother, and Daniel answered him as best as he could (leaving out the part about Sha're trying to kill him before Teal'c had killed her) but he could barely contain his eagerness to learn about the Goa'uld genetic memory.

Shifu offered to teach Daniel the genetic memories. He placed his small hands on Daniel's forehead, and a burst of light rendered Daniel unconscious…

A few hours later, Daniel woke up, and immediately sensed the Goa'uld memories that were in his head. He was delighter. He knew their weaknesses ; he would make them pay for what they'd done to his wife. Of course, it had only been Apophis who had taken Sha're, but if Daniel could kill the lot of them… he felt a maliciousness that he knew was out of character for him, but he didn't care.

The Goa'uld would pay for what they had done.

A year passed, and Daniel was the head of a huge secret defence organisation. Defeating the Goa'uld became an all-consuming passion for him. A powerful system of defence satellites orbiting around Earth would prove an invaluable defence to Goa'uld ships.

Not to mention they were a great offensive weapon against the countries that were beginning to raise concerns about so much power resting in the hands of one man. Such criticisms irritated Daniel more and more as the days went by. What the hell did politicians and diplomats know about the threat of the Goa'uld? Left in their hands, the Presidents of Russia, China, France and other countries would no doubt fuck it up. He alone, Daniel Jackson, knew what was best for the planet, and if they didn't like it – well, they didn't have much of a choice, and they knew it.

He knew he was becoming more malicious, more power-hungry these days. The secret of the Goa'uld in his head were a corrupting drain on him. But what else was he supposed to do? Give it all up and have earth fend for itself the best it could?

Besides, he kind of liked having all this power.

His friends were starting to worry about him. Teal'c, Samantha, Jack, Hammond, they had all said something, sometimes hinting, sometimes blatant criticism, which he resented too. He was carrying a massive weight on behave of all of them, what the hell gave them the right to criticism how he went about it?

The memories in his head… Teal'c kneeling before him as First Prime of Apophis, Samantha being tortured with a pain stick, striking Jack with a Goa'uld hand device, and even Apophis being tortured. He had to deal with all of that, he had a goddamned right to run things as he saw fit.

These days, he lived in absolute luxury – nothing but the best for the saviour of the planet. He liked having whatever he wanted at the wave of his hand. The power of having people to do his bidding was intoxicating.

These days, he was noticing Samantha more and more. God, she was hot. He had never allowed his feelings to surface before, but now he began to feel a tightening around his groin whenever he saw her, that was getting more and more obvious with every time he saw her.

She was so hot. Her army gear did little to hide her figure. Daniel remembered the time they'd been on the Mongol planet, that gorgeous blue dress she'd been wearing. She'd looked so beautiful and feminine. He fantasised about taking off that dress…

He could have plenty of women. His natural good looks, and the whole Classified Government Agent role made it easy enough to get women into bed – the really got off on the James Bond thing. But none of them were as captivating as Samantha.

Samantha had noticed Daniel was behaving more assertively towards her lately, and she liked it. She had tried not to think of him as more then a friend and teammate – she was, for all intents and purposes, his superior officer and that was a definite no-go zone – but the more times she caught him looking at her boldly, the more times he let his hand rest on her shoulder just as little longer then he ought to as he leaned over her while she was working, the more she was aware of how damn hot Daniel was. There had always been that attraction between them, but now –

Because of her fondness and growing attraction for him, Samantha overlooked his increasingly tyrannical behaviour. And she felt with Teal'c recent mysterious death, she should make an effort to be close to Jack and Daniel. Especially Daniel. He needed a friend now more then ever.

One day she dropped by the mansion he'd commandeered as his base. It certainly was palatial – pretentious was a better word. Samantha wondered what made Daniel want a place like this, it was so out of character for him. Daniel preferred the simple things in life. Samantha sighed. She had to admit, Daniel was changing. There was some things she liked about that, like his newfound boldness when it came to her, and some things she didn't, like his materialism and inability to compromise. It was his way or the high way. And since his way was the only way to protect Earth –

Jealousy, she eyed a beautiful young woman from the corner of her vision. She was being escorted out by a security guard, looking none too happy. Samantha tried not to think about the fact she was probably Daniel most recent conquest, not exactly pleased to be thrown out once the deed was none. Involuntarily, she shivered when she thought of how ruthless Daniel could be these days.

But all thoughts vanished from her mind when she saw him. He was delighted to see her. " Sam, " he said, walking towards her to embrace her. " You look great. " Samantha enjoyed the sensation of being in Daniel's embrace. God, he was sexy.

" She doesn't mean anything to me, you know, " Daniel whispered into Samantha's hair, not letting her go.

" Sorry? " Samantha asked, distracted by the feeling of being in Daniel's arms.

" The woman you saw leaving when you arrived. She doesn't mean anything to me. She just… " he trailed off, and Samantha knew he was blushing. This was the Daniel she knew and loved, the Daniel who was embarrassed to be caught out with a woman. She remembered what he'd been like with Kera. Yep, he was still her Daniel.

Her Daniel… she liked the sound of that. She pulled away slightly to face Daniel. " It's OK, " she said.

He looked ashamed of himself. " It's not, " he said. " I want you to think more of me then that. I'm not just some guy who screws around and has no respect for women and - "

Samantha placed her fingers over Daniel's lips. " I know you're not, " she said softly, reassuringly. She liked the more assertive Daniel, but she liked seeing the real side of him more. " I know how much Sha're meant to you… how much I mean to you… " she trailed off, her head tilted at the perfect angle for Daniel to kiss her, her eyes wide with expectation and uncertainty.

Tentatively, Daniel kissed her. At first it was a gentle kiss and Samantha responded with equal gentleness, but soon their long-running desires got the better of them and their kisses became deeper, more passionate until they were gasping for air and they pulled away.

Daniel traced his fingers along Samantha's jawline. " You don't regret it? " he asked.

Samantha smiled. " Why would I regret being with you? " she asked. She kissed him.

After a few minutes of kissing, he swung her easily into his arms and carried her into his lavish bedroom, laying her on the bed and climbing on top of her. Soon they were making out with increasing abandon. " I should never have waited so long, " Daniel muttered between kisses, his hands exploring the increasingly exposed expanses of Samantha's skin with his hands and lips until she was writhing with delight.

" I would never have allowed it when I was your commanding officer, " Samantha pointed out weakly. It was hard to think about anything but Daniel when he was exploring her body the way he was. He was awfully good at it. Samantha couldn't help but wonder how much practice he'd had. " And I think Jack would have killed us – Ouch! " he cried out when Daniel's fingers dug into her side painfully, possessively. " Jesus Christ, Danny, what was that for? "

" I don't want to talk about Jack, " Daniel said with a petulance that was more in line with his current personality. " I get jealous. "

Samantha smiled incredulously. " There was never anything between Jack and I, " she said. She noticed Daniel's caresses had become harder, more deliberate. He wasn't drifting his fingers aimlessly over her body anymore, he was touching her with the intention of bedding her. Samantha shivered. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go that far yet.

" But you wanted there to be, " he said accusingly. His kisses were no longer soft – his mouth on her skin felt almost cruel. Don't be silly, Sam, she told herself.

Samantha struggled to sit up ; Daniel kept her pinned underneath him. " Danny, slow down, " she ordered him.

Daniel was irritated. Jack had always come between him and Samantha. Even now, she was thinking about him. Goddamnit, he was the most powerful man in the world and that wasn't enough for her. The Goa'uld memories in his brain surged to the forefront, and he understood the desire they had to conquer. He wanted to conquer Samantha. He wanted to get Jack O'Neill out of her fucking head. He bit down on the skin on Samantha's neck, and she screamed, more from the shock that Daniel could be deliberately cruel then actual pain.

" Danny, stop it! " she ordered more forcefully. " I don't want to do this. I want you to stop. "

" You'd be happy to do it with Jack, " he said petulantly.

" I would not, " Samantha retorted. " I'm just not ready to do this. Please, Danny, " she begged. She felt his erection against her thighs, and she suddenly became very afraid. This wasn't her Daniel she was dealing with, this was the Daniel that had become corrupted by the power of the Goa'uld memories. The Goa'uld had an all-conquering mentality ; that was what Daniel was doing to her now. " Please, Danny… "

Her pleas only irritated him more. She should want him, Goddamnit, not be begging him to get off. Like hell he was going to stop. She had started this, by saying she knew how much she meant to him – that was a goddamn invitation, even if she hadn't seen it that way. His hand slid down roughly to the top of her pants, fumbling with the top button.

Samantha bucked against him wildly, her resistance beginning in earnest as her heart filled with dread. This wasn't real, she tried to tell herself. The Daniel Jackson she knew and loved wouldn't be doing this to her.

This wasn't the Daniel Jackson she knew and loved, she realised with a sinking feeling. This was a Daniel Jackson corrupted by power and the evil nature of the Goa'uld memories.

She struggled against him, but he subdued her easily. She wondered if Goa'uld strength had come with the memories. " Danny, stop it, " she begged over and over, her tone becoming more and more desperate as Daniel continued to pull her clothes off. She felt his erection against her, hard and terrifying, and she screamed.

He ignored her. The walls were soundproof, and anyway, no-one would interrupt Daniel Jackson, Saviour of the World. " Sam, Sam, " he called her name over and over, the desire in his voice obvious. He seemed completely oblivious to the reality of what he was doing.

Samantha started to cry when Daniel penetrated her. This couldn't be real.

It was real. She was being raped by Daniel Jackson.

" Danny, stop. This is rape. This is wrong. I know this isn't you. Please stop… " But he was oblivious to her pleas, concentrating only on his conquest.

When Daniel climaxed, dully she was glad that the Stargate program insisted all off-world travellers had three-months contraception injections. At the time, it had made sense. But Samantha had never anticipated it would be needed in this situation.

Daniel had raped her.

He got off her, his face completely bland like he'd just – gotten a cup of coffee or something equally nondescript. He had no idea of what he'd done. He'd seen her as something to be conquered, preferably willingly, but by force if necessary. He'd seen her as some kind of horse to be broken in.

Without him to restrain her, she lashed out at him, sitting up. " You bastard! " she screamed at him. " You… bastard! " She reached over to strike him in blind fury, wanting to humiliate him the same way he'd humiliated her, if that was at all possible.

Calmly he reached his hands around her throat, subduing her easily, his fingers searching for the pressure points on her neck. Samantha resisted him, and resisted creeping unconsciousness, but Daniel was too much for her, and she quickly lapsed into blackness.

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She woke up later in a room similar to Daniel's – huge and lavish. She was lying in a king-sized four-poster bed. Slowly, she took in her surroundings as she remembered what had happened between her and Daniel. And when she did, she began to shake with humiliation and rage. I have to get out of here, she thought.

She slid out of bed, and realised she was naked. She wrapped a sheet around her and headed for the door.

It was bolted shut. Daniel had had the door barricaded from the outside so she couldn't get out. Samantha began banging on the door, yelling until a security guard came. " Let me out! " she yelled in her most commanding voice.

" Doctor Jackson ordered that you stay put, " the guard said.

" I'm being held against my will, let me out, " Samantha argued.

" Doctor Jackson will be with you later today. You can talk to him then, " the guard replied. He was under strict orders not to let the beautiful blond woman out of her room, and Daniel paid him damn well. And Daniel Jackson wasn't a man you wanted to piss off. He decided between the two, it was worse to have Daniel offside then keep a woman held against her will.

After a few minutes of arguing and pleading, Samantha accepted that the guard wasn't going to let her out. Obviously, Daniel paid him too much – or intimidated him too much.

At least Daniel was holding her hostage in style. After prowling the room for any means of escape, she took in her surroundings. It was a large bedroom with an ensuite, a king-sized bed, a very comfortable set up.

She decided to have a shower and clean herself up. She inspected the injuries Daniel had inflicted on her the night before – mostly superficial, if you didn't count the ones to her ego…

She began to cry again when she thought about what he'd done to her. The way he'd treated her, like she was an animal… that was the Goa'uld side of him, the corrupted side. The side that was slowly taking over the Daniel Jackson that she knew and loved.

Getting out of the shower, she discovered the wardrobe was stocked – with short, silky slips. She had never worn such rubbish in her life, Daniel expected her to start now? She sighed, knowing she didn't have much of a choice. It was marginally better then wearing a sheet.

The hours passed by agonisingly slowly. She discovered that the guard would bring her anything she asked for – food, books – except, of course, let her go. She became more bored and apprehensive as the day wore on. Daniel had something planned for her. She was pretty sure she wouldn't like it.

In the evening, Daniel finally came by, after a day of negotiating with the Russians. Negotiating, ha, he thought bitterly. The Russian idea of negotiating was to say 'gimme, gimme'. Like hell Daniel was about to do that. He had the power, he would dispense it on his terms. He could really do with a relaxing night.

He knew he wasn't going to get it as soon as he saw Samantha. She was angry. Damnit, he had put her in this room, given the guard instructions to give her whatever she wanted, and she was angry? He had never treated one of his lovers this generously. She should be grateful he was paying her this kind of attention. He felt irritated by her ingratitude.

" You let me out of here right now, Daniel Jackson, " Samantha ordered forcefully. " And give me back my clothes. You will not dress me up like a whore. "

" It suits you better then your army clothes, " Daniel responded pleasantly. He liked the way the silky material, which barely skimmed her thighs, rested against her skin. He felt himself responding to the image. " Women shouldn't desex themselves like that. "

" You didn't mind for the last three years, " Samantha snapped, noticing the way Daniel was looking at her and taking cover under the sheets.

" I was too much of a pansy to say anything, " Daniel said gutturally, his eyes wandering over the top half of her body, which wasn't covered up. " Get up. I want to look at you, " he ordered.

" Go to hell. "

With those angry words, Daniel lunged at Samantha. She instinctively rolled away from him, but he was too fast, too strong for her. He forced her onto her hands and knees and pushed the slip up around her hips. He hadn't provided her with panties, and now he caressed her bare bottom with surprising tenderness. " I've always wanted you, Sam, " he said sincerely.

For a moment, Samantha thought she was dealing with her Daniel, and she tried to reason with him. " Let me go, " she pleaded. " I don't want this. "

His caressing hand dug into her skin painfully as his patience grew thin. He was worshipped as a God, a saviour, and she was spitting in his face! " Do you know how many women would love to be in your position? " he snarled. " You should be grateful. "

" I'm flattered, " Samantha said sarcastically.

Her sarcasm enraged Daniel. Once again, he felt it was all about Jack. He was offering her the lap of luxury, and she wanted to run to their former commander – what could he offer her? Absolutely nothing. She needed to be taught a lesson. He would show her who was in charge. Holding onto her easily with one arm, he used his free hand to unzip his pants.

Hearing the sound, Samantha began to whimper. Daniel smiled maliciously. Served her right. He would enjoy conquering her, even more then he had last night.

She screamed when he penetrated her. She was bone dry and it felt like he was ripping her in two. All thoughts of resistance fled in the face of her pain. " Danny, please, " she begged as he thrust forcefully in and out of her. " You're killing me. "

Daniel withdrew from her. " If I use lube, " he asked, almost kindly, " will you stop fighting? "

Knowing she had lost, Samantha nodded. She cried while Daniel had his way with her, and cried herself to sleep after he left. This wasn't real, she told herself. This couldn't be happening.

It was real and it was happening.

The weeks went by. Samantha was given everything she asked for, except her freedom, or the means to communicate with the outside world. Daniel was keeping her prisoner, albeit in the best damn prison she had seen. He came to her almost every night and took what he wanted from her without ever comprehending that she had a say in it – or ought to.

He had intimated a few times that she was the only one he was with, like she was supposed to be flattered the man who raped her almost every night was faithful to her. She supposed in his mind he considered he was bestowing quite an honour.

He wanted her to want it. There were times when, for a few moments, he could be gentle, sensitive, trying to turn her on, and Samantha could almost be convinced that she was dealing with Her Daniel. And then he'd grow frustrated, and angry that she didn't respond to his loverly caresses, and revert back to his brutal self.

Samantha was witnessing the struggle between Her Daniel and the Daniel corrupted by the Goa'uld knowledge, and she knew that Her Daniel was losing. Daniel was being corrupted by power. He was becoming a monster. His sexual tastes were becoming more and more demanding, more and more cruel, more and more humiliating. He liked controlling her, he liked abusing her, just because he could.

And there was no way out for her. Daniel was obsessed with her, that was why he kept her locked up, why he came to see her almost every day. He would never let her go, or when he did, she would be worn down, he would have sucked the life out of her. If she ever left this place, she would leave as the living dead.

She couldn't let that happen. There was only one thing she could do.

Crying over everything that had happened and everything that could have been – despite everything, she loved Her Daniel, and wished things could have been different – Samantha got to work. She began tearing up the sheet on her bed until she had fashioned a crude noose out of the material. She tied one end firmly to the canopy of the bed, praying the solid Jarrah would hold. Apprehensively, not wanting to die, but knowing it was a better alternative then life with Daniel, she slipped her head into the noose and stepped off the edge of the bed…

Instinctively she struggled against her imminent death, but her noose held, and in a few minutes, it was all over.

An hour later, Daniel came in to find her dead body. For a few moments, his eyes clouded over in real, tangible grief. He had loved Samantha, in some ways even more then his wife, and he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. For this to happen was a crushing blow to his heart…

Then his eyes sharpened. Samantha had been a fool. He had offered her the world, and she had thrown in back in her face. There were plenty other women out there, women who would love to share his bed, who would appreciate what an honour it was.

" Get rid of her, " he told the guard. " I don't care what you do, I don't want to see her again. " And with that he walked out. He had better things to do with his time then to worry about a lover who had killed herself.

Later that day, Jack came to see Daniel. " Just the person I wanted to see, " Daniel said sarcastically, thinking about Jack and Samantha's involvement – or what he'd thought was their involvement. He had been a fool to get involved with someone like Samantha, he decided. He hoped she was rotting in hell, the whore. He hoped Jack would join her there one day. Then they can be together, he thought maliciously.

Jack told Daniel to stop his mad plans to destroy anything that didn't accept him as God. Daniel was completely unaffected by Jack's demand – no, he was irritated by it. Jack had always been the leader, and now he resented that Daniel was in charge. Like hell Daniel was backing down.

" You leave me no other choice… " Jack said, and pulled his handgun on Daniel, firing several shots at the younger man.

Daniel snorted his contempt for Jack and his stupidity as the bullets bounced harmless off the Goa'uld shield around his chair. He had always known Jack was disloyal to him, now he had shown his true colours. Daniel would deal with Jack later – he would take great pleasure in torturing him slowly. Jack wouldn't have the luxury of the quick, clean death Samantha had enjoyed…

Turning away from Jack, Daniel gave the order to destroy Moscow. He watched with God-like glee as energy waved washed over the city that had been such a thorn in his side…

Groggily, Daniel woke up and slowly realised he was in the SGC infirmary. No time had passed. Slowly he realised that the events of the past year – Samantha, Jack, blowing up Moscow – had been a dream Shifu had planted in his head to illustrate that, despite Daniel's good intentions, the inherently corrupt nature of the Goa'uld meant their knowledge could never be used for good purposes.

He ordered the Stargate Command and the Tok'ra to cease attempts to extract information from Shifu, explaining that it would do far more harm then good. Even if they did defeat the Goa'uld using their own knowledge against them, the cost of a defeat would be too much to bear.

As he knew himself.

It had been a dream, he knew, none of it had actually happened, but the things he'd seen – the things he'd done – haunted him. He had been prepared to level a city because they'd challenged the legitimacy of his power. But that wasn't what haunted him the most.

He had abused Sam night after night until he'd driven her to suicide. He knew Samantha, knew how strong she was, knew what it would have taken to make her feel that was her only option, that death was a kinder alternative then the life he was forcing on her.

Shaking with revulsion at his actions, Daniel started to cry. That he could do that to her – he loved her so much – that it had been a dream designed to illustrate why he shouldn't have that power didn't to much to ease Daniel's guilt.

He had raped Samantha on a nightly occurrence, violated her until she had killed herself to get away from him. That fact came back to haunt him, never left his thoughts for days as he lay in the infirmary, trying to come to terms with the vision.

He made it clear he didn't want to see Samantha – of course, not detailing why – until Samantha got sick of this ban and went to see him.

He turned away from her as soon as he saw her. " I told you to stay away, " he said shortly. The look of concern on her beautiful only made him more aware of the look of humiliation on her face after the many times he'd forced her to have sex with him.

" I'm your superior office, I give the orders, " Samantha said playfully. She reached out to touch Daniel's. Daniel pulled away violently.

Samantha guessed half the truth of Daniel's isolating of himself. She worked out he must have done some pretty horrible things in his vision, if he had been corrupted by Goa'uld power, and he was having trouble dealing with it. After all, this was the race of parasites that had taken his wife away from him. It must be killing him to think that he could become like them.

More firmly, she reached out to Daniel. She was stronger then him (something he'd always been embarrassed about, an embarrassment she found endearing – it was part of him being Her shy, sensitive Daniel) and held her grip on him. " You must have seen some pretty awful things, " she said softly, sympathetically. " You have to remember it was only a dream. That's not the real Daniel Jackson. Do you want to talk about it? "

How could he ever confess what he'd done to her? She would try to understand, but she wouldn't. " No, " he said shortly. " I want you to go away. "

She laughed softly. " Tough. I'm staying put. You need me, Daniel, even if you don't want to talk. I'm your friend. I love you. And I'm not going to let you go through this alone. "

Samantha's declaration of love and loyalty made Daniel start shaking in all-consuming guilt and remorse. " Hey… " Samantha said softly, a little alarmed by his reaction. She wondered if she had been part of his vision. Whatever it was, it had deeply disturbed him.

She climbed onto the bed with him, wrapping her arms tightly around his shaking body. " It's OK, Danny, " she said soothingly. " It's OK, I'm here. I love you Daniel and I'm not leaving you. I'm here… "

Gradually Daniel calmed down. Though his was wracked with guilt over what he had done, he found Samantha's presence calming. He believed she loved him, or at least that she would until she found out what he'd done. He began to relax in her arms.

" That's better, " she said softly as she felt his body relax in her arms. She began stroking his hair with one hand. " You don't have to talk about it til you're ready, but whatever it was, we'll get through it, " Samantha promised. " We're friends. I don't know what I'd do without you, Danny. "

Maybe it was his imagination, but he was sure he heard something more then friendship in her voice.