Authors note: block ran away for a little bit, I took advantage and wrote something happy! It's not quite cry for joy happy, but it's enough happy that it can move on from here. Tell me what you think.
Alex sat on her couch staring into space. Whether it was from the hangover or the knowledge of what had happened she felt sick. How could she have let it happen, taken advantage of her like that, or if not taken advantage, consented to it. Blame it on the alchohol, that's what she always did eventually. It had been late, and Alex was already drunk by the time the knock came on her door. Seeing Marissa standing there shivering, tears on her cheeks had almost broken her heart. When Marissa pulled her aggressively into a tight hug and told her she loved her and she missed her and she was sorry all that Alex was able to concentrate on was the heavy warmth of breath on her ear. So it seemed a natural thing to arc her neck under those kisses, and to give in to temptation. But it hadn't been like that, it had been, she hesitated to think it, but it had been cheap and alcohol fuelled, and it had been all wrong.
So she sat there, and she thought about it, and when the door knocked she slumped over towards it, an excuse for her late rent on the tip of her tongue. And when it turned out that the tattooed guy had overnight changed into a girl with long brown hair and huge doe eyes she found that her tongue had tied itself in a knot and her stomach twisted as if in sympathy creating it's own knot.
"Alex, I need to talk to you"
She let the door swing open fully and stood back. Just far enough that Marissa could get past, but not so far away that she could get in easily. Marissa squirmed past her true to form and Alex shut the door with a loud thump. Her head pounded, but it was Marissa here, come back to her, and sober this time, regretful, sober and beautiful as always. She couldn't resist it, she reached out a hand, hesitantly placing it on a slender hip.
"So let's talk," Almost whispered, almost seductive.
"I, last night, I'm sorry I just, it wasn't right Alex." Marissa's eyes filled with confusion and regret, and Alex knew exactly what she meant. She knew what she meant the moment she opened the door to her.
You knew you were right for coming here, for wanting to fix the chasm that had opened between you. Wanting to get rid of the regret, the feeling of being used. You knew because when she looked at you, after your stuttered explanation she leant forward, and this time, it wasn't cheap. It was all those things you thought a kiss would be when you were little. It was fireworks in your head, and tears stinging behind closed eyes from a heady mix of joy and desolation that you could have missed this, and lost this. What was a surprise to you was the moan that escaped the back of your throat, it's sound muffled by her mouth. How this one time, you pushed back, became the aggressor and you pinned her to the wall in a motion that shouldn't have been gentle and loving, but was despite it all. It was all ok then, it was you and her and your tongue tasting her lips and nothing had ever seemed so safe, and so comforting and so perfect. Because when you were together the two of you fitted, and you worked, and together, you could be perfect.