Moths to a flame
Warnings/notes: Schuldich/Aya, Nagi/Tot, minor hintings at other pairings, drabble-set, weirdness, a great deal being left to the reader's imagination.
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz.
(!) Spoilers for Aya's special relative. 'Survivor's guilt' contains references to 'An Assassin and a White Shaman'.
written at 7th march 2005, by Misura, for Damascus Ochodre, who should have received something much better from me. (Not to mention that she should have received it a lot sooner.)
(In hindsight) (Crawford)
When Schuldich wakes them all up in the middle of the night, crying out for his sister, Crawford knows things have gone too far, and that he has let them get this way. He keeps his face carefully expressionless as he orders Nagi to break down the door to Schuldich's room, not bothering to add that it might be nice if there'd be a hallway left in the morning.
The state of their hallway is the least of his worries at the moment.
Nagi, bleary-eyed and pale, nonetheless does a good job of giving him access to Schuldich's room without bringing the roof down or causing a dent in the wall. Crawford absentmindedly tells him so, before ordering him to go back to bed and get some sleep.
He can see Nagi's nod without needing to turn around. Nagi has always been a good, obedient member of the team, never asking questions when it's not the proper time for them, never sticking his nose where it doesn't belong.
Aside from The Girl, Nagi has a nearly impeccable record of service. Crawford would be proud of him, will be proud of him, actually, at some other point in time. Currently, he's too busy trying to figure out what to do about another member of his team, the one member that has rarely given him anything to be proud of.
Crawford is annoyed to see his hands trembling ever so slightly as he reaches for the doorknob. Nagi has undone the lock -simple, but as effective as blasting a hole through the wall, and far more efficient- and the door swings open smoothly.
The screams pause for a moment at that, though Crawford does not allow himself the hope that this is due to Schuldich having heard the door being opened. He is proven right when Schuldich raises his voice again, which sounds hoarse and cracked by now.
On a nightstand, Crawford spots a half-empty glass of water and the set of pills that, according to Estet, should have kept Schuldich's sleep free of dreams, his gift safely in check. Inexplicably, Crawford feels let down and betrayed, disappointed in his leaders.
Had Schuldich been conscious, he'd have mocked Crawford for being so naive as to believe Estet's promises.
Schuldich isn't conscious though, and will not be again for a long while. It's barely past midnight, and the German has a habit of sleeping in late. Estet has assured him that the odds of Schuldich being permanently damaged if Crawford wakes him up are high, and so Crawford can do little more than sit down in a chair next to the bed where Schuldich is thrashing and moaning.
Once, he thinks, Schuldich would have thrown a party at Estet downright forbidding Crawford to disturb his sleep. At present, Schuldich gets a slightly haunted look in his eyes every time he goes to bed.
Crawford wonders, not for the first time, if perhaps it wouldn't be better -for everyone- if Schuldich'd never have to wake up again, or rather, if he'd never have to go to sleep again, because he's already been granted eternal rest.
(Survivor's guilt) (Nagi)
Once upon a time, Nagi has walked in a field of daisies with the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. As he makes his way back to his room, the sound of Schuldich's screams still ringing in his ears, he remembers this.
He doesn't wonder why, because he knows why.
The most beautiful girl in the world has died, and for a while, Nagi was sure that somehow, he was to blame for that. He should have protected her, had sworn in his heart to protect her, after all. He has failed her, forfeiting the right to continue to live.
So he reasoned, and so Schuldich found him, as if attracted by the guilt in his thoughts.
They 'had a talk', as it is called, during which Schuldich spouted a lot of things that Nagi considered nonsense at the time, but thinks pretty sensible now, and also some stuff that made sense, and seems rubbish at present. He ended up living on, at any rate, which was probably the whole purpose.
In general, Schuldich is not a talkative person. Nagi supposes that he's like Crawford in this; why bother speaking if you already possess all the knowledge you need? The spoken word is a mere formality, a way to satisfy those less gifted than them.
Nagi imagines it should bind them, give them something in common. To be sure, he hadn't expected Schuldich to form an attachment, however loosely, to the red-haired hothead from Weiss. He still doesn't understand why Crawford hasn't prevented that from ever happening, if not out of jealousy and possessiveness (both of which Nagi has seen him display when it concerns Schuldich), then at least out of sense and care for Schuldich's mental health.
Crawford is doing nothing though. Nagi wishes he could ask someone why, and receive an answer.
His bed feels cold and empty, even if he's kept on the light on his nightstand, so that he may fall asleep while looking at the most beautiful girl in the world, in the hopes that he'll dream of her.
(Why, he wonders sleepily, is Schuldich dying because he dreams of someone who's still alive?)
Aya has changed.
It's a good change, surprisingly, as well as a somewhat sudden one. Ken has sourly commented that this might mean that one morning, they might wake up to find 'the old Aya' back again, but Omi and Yohji have teamed up to declare Ken a pessimist.
He's still focused and a little less emotional than the average person, only somehow, it's as if a burden has been lifted from his shoulders, or -as Yohji said in a poetic mood- from his soul.
Every day now, Omi thinks, Aya might actually smile.
The cause for Aya's different behavior remains a mystery for the moment. Omi has sternly told the other two members of Weiss that there will be plenty of time to pry secrets out of Aya -after- he's really broken down the walls he's built around himself.
Yohji has opined, in a voice that speaks of plenty of experience, that Aya has likely found a nice girl and gotten himself laid.
(Ken whacked him and accused him of being a pervert because of that, but Omi has to admit that he thinks it not at all impossible that Aya has found someone to love, someone to keep in his heart, next to his sister.)
A/N: Guilt may taste like honey, but love can taste bitter like bile.