Han slid into Leia with a feeling of complete satisfaction. Who knew being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with no hyperdrive could be so much fun? He smiled as she shifted beneath him. He was in the mood to take his time. Leia kept shifting, though, as if she couldn't get comfortable. It irritated him that he couldn't see her face. When she placed her palms up against his hips, effectively shortening his down stroke, he groaned. With supreme effort of will, he slipped out of her, rolled to the side, and worked his way down the bed until they were face to face. "What's wrong?" he panted.
Leia shook her head, "Nothing, I just…it's not—"
She blushed. "No."
"This isn't a good position for us. You're too short or I'm too tall - something. Let's switch."
Leia smiled back, and swung her leg over him.
He slid his hand up the back of her thigh. "You want to try something different?"
She gave him another shy smile. "Okay."
He grinned at her, and got out of bed and stood, taking her hand. "On you knees, Princess."
She knelt on the bunk, which was high enough off the floor that it almost brought her up to his height.
Perfect, he thought.
He kissed her deeply and she brought her hands up to wind through his hair.
He pulled out of the kiss. "You amaze me."
She blushed again.
He loved that she blushed so easily. "Now turn around and let's see if I can amaze you." She complied, and he ran his tongue the full length of her spine. He was delighted by the shiver and soft sigh that escaped her. He moved to stand between her feet and pressed his belly against her back. When he slid his hands up her body to cup her breasts, though, she stiffened, and pulled away, whipping around. "I changed my mind. I don't want to do this," she said, tugging the sheet up to cover herself.
"What?" Han blinked. "Okay, we'll lay back down, you on top." As he started to crawl in next to her, she scrambled off the bed, taking the sheet with her.
Han stared. Leia shook her head at him and covered her mouth. She ran into the bathroom and shut the door.
He could hear her getting sick. "Shit." He searched the floor and found his boxer shorts and pulled them on, then rummaged in one of the drawers under the bed for a pair of sweatpants. He moved to the bathroom door.
"Leia, are you alright?"
She didn't answer. He could hear her start the water in the sink.
The bathroom door opened and she moved past him. Still wrapped in the sheet she began gathering her clothes off the floor.
"What just happened?" Han asked.
"I don't want to talk about it. Just forget it, okay?" She moved to leave the room. Han slipped in front of her, blocking the door.
"No, it's not okay. Tell me what's wrong."
A look of sheer panic crossed her face.
"Okay, okay." He held his palms up to her and moved away from the door. "I'm sorry. Let's talk about this." But the door was already closing behind her.
He thought to follow her but didn't. He went to his bunk and flopped down, dropping his face into his hands. "What the hell?" he said to no one in particular.
He spent the rest of ship's night in a fitful sleep that he finally abandoned at 5:45am to shower and take over for C3P0 at the helm at 6:00am. He found the door to the crew quarters closed as he walked by on his way to the cockpit. He started to knock, but reconsidered.
Chewbacca came in at 10:00am and brought him some coffee and a piece of toast with nut spread on it.
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"I can hear Leia crying in the crew quarters."
"I didn't hear her crying when I went by."
"You're not a Wookie."
Han frowned. He knew Chewie had much better hearing than he did.
"So, what?" Han was starting to get irritated with the big fur ball.
"Aren't you going to go talk to her?"
"No, I don't think that's a good idea."
"I don't know. I think she may just need some space. We're all cramped up on this ship. I don't want her to feel like she can't get away from me."
Chewie stood. "Well, if you change your mind, I'll cover for you."
"Thanks, pal. If she doesn't show up to cover her shift I'll take you up on that."
Leia showed up in the cockpit right on time at 12:00pm. The only sign that she had been crying was a slight puffiness around her eyes.
"Hey," Han said.
"I've come to cover my shift."
"Okay," Han said, but he made no move to get up.
"Aren't you going to leave?"
Han shook his head. "We need to talk."
Her tone was dismissive. "I don't want to talk."
"But I do, and you got your way last night."
Leia blew out an angry breath. She sat down in Chewie's copilot seat and curled her legs under her. "Fine, you talk then." She wouldn't look at him.
Han cleared his throat. He'd been thinking about what he was going to say to her for the last six hours, but now that she was here he found it a lot more difficult than it seemed when he was just imagining the conversation.
"About last night..."
Leia rolled her neck and Han could hear the joints pop. She still wasn't looking at him.
"I think you may have misinterpreted what I wanted to do." He cleared his throat again. "I wasn't intending to go anywhere I haven't been with you before… if you catch my drift."
Leia brought a hand up to cover her eyes. "Can we please not have this conversation?"
Han frowned. "Look, I don't know about your other lovers, but I don't like to stumble around and be blind-sided when I hit a nerve. I'd rather know up front what bothers you so I don't do it. The look on your face, Leia…"
She looked up at him then. "What other lovers?"
He shrugged "I don't know, whoever you've been with."
"I haven't been with anyone," her voice dropped to barely a whisper, "except those two storm troopers."
The impact of her statement hit Han a dozen different ways. He dropped back against his chair.
"So, I'm your first?" He was shocked, and absurdly flattered.
"Third," Leia whispered.
Han looked at her, appalled. "Hey, that doesn't count."
"What happened on the Death Star doesn't count as your first time anymore than it would have counted as adultery if you'd been married."
Leia looked up at him and blinked. Finally, she said, "I guess I never thought of it that way."
Han smiled at her. "So no royal boys ever turned your head?"
"They may have turned my head, I just didn't have time to pursue that sort of thing. I was the youngest person ever elected to the Senate, you know."
"I thought that was what's her face, the Naboo chick."
"Padme Naberrie. She was the youngest before me."
"You know I actually saw you on the net one time. You looked like you were giving a speech."
"Yeah, I couldn't hear what you where saying though. I was in a noisy bar at the time. You were all fired up about something."
"Oh, I'm sure I was." She looked out the window, a thousand miles away.
Han stood and touched her cheek. "We okay?"
She didn't answer or even look at him, but she pressed her cheek into his hand.
Han decided to take that as a 'yes' and left her to her thoughts.
At 6:00pm he was standing in the galley heating a freeze-dried bag of pasta and lamenting yet again that they were out of fresh food. At least they weren't on ration bars yet he thought to comfort himself. But, of course, he knew that time was coming. He was wondering if Leia would show up for dinner when she walked into the galley.
"Chewie asked me to bring him some dinner since you didn't finish making it before his shift started."
Han ladled a huge portion into a large wooden bowl and handed it to Leia. "Please tell him he can kiss my ass."
Leia smiled pleasantly and took the bowl.
Han put two bowls on the table and ladled out what was left between them. "What did he say?" he asked as she walked back into the galley.
"I haven't the slightest idea."
"Did you tell him to kiss my ass?"
"No, I told him you said you were sorry it was late and that it won't happen again."
"Diplomacy is my specialty, remember?"
"Lying is your specialty."
"Sometimes lying is the better part of diplomacy."
"I thought that was discretion."
"No, that's the better part of valor."
Han laughed. "Sit down and eat before it gets cold."
Despite the encouraging start Leia was quiet through the rest of the meal. Han wanted to ask her if something was wrong but he didn't want to press her.
Leia pushed her half finished bowl toward him. "Why do you insist on giving us equal portions? I don't eat as much as you do."
Han scooped the remains of her dinner into his bowl. "I want you to get your fair share. Besides, I don't mind eating what's left."
She gave him a strange look, took her bowl, and put it in the dishwasher. "I'm going to go read for awhile."
Han wanted to ask if she was going to read in his quarters or the crew quarters but thought better of it.
He had been asleep for an hour when the door to his cabin opened. Leia stood for a moment silhouetted in the doorframe. He didn't say anything as the door slid shut behind her. He could hear her clothes falling to the floor in the darkness, and then he felt her warm and naked beside him.
"I'm sorry," he said softly
"It's not your fault."
"Well, it won't happen again."
"Yes, it will."
"It will, because they will not take anything else from me. Not a single blessed thing. So maybe not tonight, but I'll get past this, I will."
Han moved his arm around her and pulled her closer. "I know, Sweetheart. I know."