If I Should Die...

If I should die...these are words that haunted me throughout my childhood. I said them every night, whispered them every time my vision clouded and the Planet spoke. Screamed them when I saw Sephiroth. Choked on them when I held Tseng in my arms and still couldn't tell him what he meant to me.

My only wish when I am gone is that they forget me. Forget that I loved them, so that there is nothing to hold my spirit here. The end is near now; I can hear him above me, pacing, waiting. I would so dearly love to hurt him, return to him all the pain he's caused me. Tseng was the only one of all the people in my life who truly loved me. It's easy to die for someone, but to live for them is the real test. He would have lived for me if I had only let him.

But no, I chose my duty over my happiness. Rather than tell the people I love what they mean to me, I kneel here and wait for death, silent as the stone around me. Rather than run to them and show them that I care, I selfishly cling to damnation, justifying myself by saying it will save them. Save them? Save them? Who am I kidding?

The legends are all lies. Holy is no benevolent spirit bent on protecting this planet. Holy is a Cetra spell gone wrong, a farce that lured the devil Jenova here. I am but a blood and flesh sacrifice to Holy, that it might reject Meteor in the hopes of causing more death and pain. This is why I was born, why I die, and I revel in it.

I hear Tifa scream and see a shadow above me. Cloud has lost control again, or so he would like us all to believe. That young man is dangerous...the things Hojo did to him shattered his mind. He can still weave an illusion of being able to function, and perhaps he deceives himself into thinking that it is truth.

The fact remains that he slaughtered the people in the Shinra building, not Sephiroth. He broke out of his cell while sleeping and slaughtered everyone. I remember hearing him breathing outside my door. This man cannot kill me. The illusion must remain so that the world may be saved. He must continue that which I start here, the oceans must run with blood before Holy will destroy the usurper.

As the massive sword is raised and the malice in Cloud's eyes reaches a peak, I can feel the air around me move. The sharp, piercing pain through my chest, the gleam of the sword tip, the sudden emptiness when it is withdrawn. I fall and Cloud catches me, turning me so that I may look into my murderer's eyes.

As much as I know it must fluster them, to see me smile with such joy as I die, I cannot resist. My murderer, my brother, my eternal and godly lover, who gave me the death I so longed for, how can I not smile at the pain in his eyes? He's made his sacrifice, and now I make mine. He taunts Cloud, and if I could breathe I would laugh.

But I cannot, for I am dead.

If I should die before I wake, I pray for Holy my soul to take, and make this world run red with blood, so I can rest with the one I love.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, and if you were offended, good.