Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. I do have a bit of packet lint you can have.
AN: Yes, this is the end of this story. I hope you've enjoyed it.
For those who are wondering, a quick google search will frequently shed light on any symbolism or hidden meanings I try to sneak in on you.
Stylistically, for this story, I have made a conscious effort to avoid the direct involvement of the manifestations of Raven's emotions. Perhaps in the next story…
Chapter 5 – Saying Goodbye
I sigh softly as Beast Boy enters my sight. He's late, but he is carrying flowers. A bundle of zinnias today. I listen to the soft rustle of the flowers as he lays them at the base of the statue, and I close my eyes, trying to slow my breathing.
When I open my eyes again, Beast Boy is sitting down in front of the statue, his forearms resting on his knees. He opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it again. Never since I started listening has Beast Boy hesitated like this.
"Look, um, Terra," he began, "I really don't know how to say this. I don't want you to hate me or be mad at me, but… Terra, I can't come here anymore. I have to move on with my life. The Titans need to move on."
Beast Boy's words struck me like a thunderbolt. I sat in stunned silence as he reached up and wiped away a tear that was slowly running down his cheek.
"I'm going to talk to Robin tomorrow about packing up your room… I'm going to be there to make sure that nothing gets broken or anything and make sure it's all there in case…" I listened as Beast Boy choked back a sob, "Just in case we find a way to get you back."
I felt my world crashing down around me. I needed Beast Boy to come here. I needed him to talk about what was going on with the Titans. I needed to watch him feel. As much as I hated it, this was the only time I could get closer to Beast Boy without one of his corny jokes coming along and ruining the moment.
"I've been thinking," Beast Boy laughed a little. "Thinking really isn't one of my strengths, you know? But you know those times we talked about what we wanted with our lives." Beast Boy breaks into that crooked smile of his, "And you always told me that we needed to be happy with our lives, and to do the best we could with what we were given. I didn't know what you meant before… But now I think that at the end you did to the very best you could with what you had. And I think I have been clinging to something I don't have anymore."
As Beast Boy speaks, my own heart is beating as hard and as fast as it ever has. I have hated myself for coming and listening, and I have grown to need it. What will I do if I can not come here and listen?
"I am never going to forget you, Terra. You were the first girl that I think I can say I loved… You weren't the first to accept me as I am, but you were the first that laughed at my jokes and you didn't call me an annoying green elf." Beast Boy sighs softly before continuing, "I want to live a full and happy life – and I think that's what you wanted for me – I have to quit looking back and start living in today."
Inside I am being swallowed by despair. Beast Boy loved her. Where does that leave me, I wonder?
Beast Boy traces a circle in the dirt next to him with the fingers of his right hand. He sighs before he continues, "I will always remember you Terra. You hold a special place in my heart." I watch as Beast Boy looks up at Terra's frozen visage and sighs. "You deserve to know… There is someone else I, um, want to get to know better. She, um, wasn't really one of your biggest fans for a long time, but that's kinda the way she is."
My heart skipped a beat and I quit breathing. For months I have been secretly listening to Beast Boy share his life with a statue, and slowly coming to terms with the fact that I care for him. True, he can annoy me faster and more thoroughly than anyone else, but he has always been there for me. And I have just heard him imply that he wants to know me better.
Beast Boy stands, brushing the dirt from his legs. "So, um, we cool?" he asks the rocky effigy. He chuckles a tiny bit and breaks into one of his toothy grins. "I know we are. I am so sorry things weren't different, but…" His voice trails off and he hugs the stony remains of Terra. Breaking the hug, he turns and walks slowly out of the cavern.
I sit on the shelf, heart and mind racing, breathing stalled. The best and worst possible things have just happened to me. He's not going to come here anymore, and I will no longer have to shamefully hide myself as I listen. Which means I will no longer see our lives through his eyes. But he wants to get to know me better. What am I going to do?
After several long minutes, I levitate down from my ledge and come to rest in front of Terra. I am confused, terrified and relieved all at once. I want to scream and cry and jump with joy. And the black aura of my powers is slowly creeping over the floor and walls in the cave.
I am still angry with Terra. I am upset that Beast Boy will not be coming here as he has been. I am scared about what tomorrow will bring.
And then the words of Beast Boy drift through my head. I have to quit looking back and start living in today.
The simple truth in those words astounds me. I have been coming here, reliving my anger with Terra, and the things that happen to the Titans through Beast Boy. And I have been denying a growing interest in a certain green teenager, all because it has been easier to live in the past and I am scared of the future.
"I need to learn to live in today." The sound of my voice startles me back to awareness. Seeing the black aura spreading through the cavern I pause and carefully pull my powers back under reign.
I turn to the figure of Terra and simply say, "Goodbye."