Here it is! Another Underworld bloopers chapter! Can't get enough! This one will be about some goofs that could've happened during the filming of the movie. Now get there, read, laugh your ass off, enjoy, and REVIEW!
The elevator scene. Michael rushes to the elevator, gets in it, and the doors close. At the other end of the corridor, Selene runs after him and gets in front of the elevator to find that the doors are closed.
Selene: -banging on the door- Shit!
A few floors below, Lucian is standing in front of the elevator, waiting for Michael to come out to freak the hell out of the guy. At least thirty seconds pass, during which Lucian has the time to think about what he'll say to Michael.
Lucian: -thinking- Uh, what about "Say your prayers, Corvin" ? Uh, nah… he'll probably soil himself and I DON'T want that to happen… wait… do I? –has a sudden idea - Oooh! I know! "Michael Corvin, welcome among us"… nah, sounds too nice. And… old. Am I old? Shite…! I AM! Noooo! But, I still got my mojo! So… I know what I could be doing tonight! Wait... talking about doing stuff… what the HELL am I doing here! –small gasp – O.O! SHITE!
At this moment, Selene arrives by the whole she's made in the floor with the help of her guns. She glares at Lucian and raises her guns, ready to shoot. But then…
Lucian: O.O What the fuck' you doing here!
Selene: O.O What the heck are YOU doing?
Lucian: What, what am "I" doing! What in the blue hell are YOU doing here!
Selene: -frowns- Where's Michael?
Lucian: -shoots hands in the air- I don't know! He was supposed to be here… -looks at watch- at least two minutes ago!
Voice coming from elevator: Uh… I am! Or… am I!
Lucian and Selene: O.O
Lucian: -looking around him- Uh… Michael? Is that you, man? –sniffs the air-
Voice coming from elevator: No, shit. It's the Pope.
Lucian: -knocks on the door of the elevator – whispers- Are you in there, dude?
Michael inside elevator: No, shit. I'm in Honolulu. …(A/N: HEHE! I'm GOING THERE! In.. 8 days! its Marie btw P ) Why did the lights go off? – soft thud – Ow.
Lucian: Uh, well… I think you're stuck in there, Mike…
- Silence -
Michael inside elevator: -blank expression on his face - shrieks like a little girl - EEEEEEEEE! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC! GET ME OUT OF THERE!
Selene and Lucian: O.O
Lucian: -looks at Selene- That guy needs help…. –adds - In both ways.
After several minutes, they got Michael out of the elevator, a white, horrified face coming along with him.
Take two of the elevator scene. Michael rushes to the elevator, gets in it, and the doors close. At the other end of the corridor, Selene runs after him and gets in front of the elevator to find that the doors are closed.
Selene: -banging on the door- Shit!
A few seconds later, Michael gets to the main floor and this time, the doors of the elevator open to reveal Lucian standing there, a dark expression on his face.
Lucian: Hello, Michael. –thinks- Wicked.
At this moment, Selene arrives by the whole she's made in the floor with the help of her guns. She glares at Lucian and raises her guns, ready to shoot. She does, actually, and the bullets reach Lucian right in the chest and head.
Just in time, he grabs Michael and drags him along with him on the floor. Then he opens his mouth WIDE OPEN and takes a bite of his shoulder.
Selene runs towards them and grabs Michael by his foot, dragging him along with her. But when she does, she drags Lucian along with Michael.
Selene: - looks behind - What the fuck! – tugs at Michael's foot -Let him go!
Lucian: I -an't! (translation: I can't!)
Selene: What d'ya mean, you can't? Let go of him, for heaven's sake! –tugs at Michael's foot -
Michael: -starts whimpering -
Lucian: -manages to say- I s-uck! (translation: I'm stuck!)
Michael: O.O -Homer Simpson fashion- AAHH!
Michael is in Ordonghaz, unconscious (or is he, really?), lying on the bed in Selene's room, while she is gone to meet Kraven. Anyway, Erika is in the room with Michael, and she's just walking around the room, taking some quick glimpses at him. And then she hears a soft snoring sound.
Anyway, she goes back to what she was doing (by the way, nothing) and then…
Michael: -mumbles- Hmmm…
Erika: -turns her head towards Michael-
Michael : -mumbles in a very soft voice while grinning in his sleep- Hmmm… sugar… Hmm… spice… saw the mark on my shoulder… wasn't me… words that I told her… -snores- wasn't me… shut up!
Erika: … -whimpers- Help!
Selene has captured Singe, that lycan scientist, and has brought him in the Elders' Resting Chamber, where Viktor is sitting in his throne and Kraven is standing in the corner. Singe is held by chains on the cold floor as Selene holds a gun to his head and Viktor is deadly glaring at him.
Singe: … down through the ages to Michael Corvin.
-Kraven leaves the chamber-
Singe: His blood allows for a perfect union between our species.
Viktor: There can be no such union. And to speak of it is heresy.
Singe: We'll see. Once Lucian has injected - -
Viktor: Lucian is dead.
Singe: According… to whom? -wiggles eyebrows madly-
Viktor and Selene: O.O
Viktor: … What the hell!
Singe: -stops wiggling eyebrows- Vhat? Ah, you mean zis? -wiggling eyebrows madly-
Selene: -points- AAH! –runs away -
Singe: Crap! I thought this was supposed to impose the vice of the sentence!
Viktor: … -.- … Not if you want to look like a bloody transvestite.
Take two of the scene. Selene has captured Singe, that lycan scientist, and has brought him in the Elders' Resting Chamber, where Viktor is sitting in his throne and Kraven is standing in the corner. Singe is held by chains on the cold floor as Selene holds a gun to his head and Viktor is glaring deadly at him.
Singe: … somehow, his body was able to change the disease. Mould it to his benefit. And he became the first true immortal. -pauses-
Selene: -after a few seconds, squeezes his shoulder with her hand. Bloody results-
Singe: Amah! And years later, he fathered at least three children who inherited of the same trait.
Viktor: The sons of the Corvinus clan. One bitten by bat, one by wolf, and one to walk the lonely road of mortality as a human. It's a ridiculous legend, nothing more.
Singe: It may be, but our species too had a common ancestor.
Viktor: There is a descendant of Corvinus lying there! -points at Marcus's tomb- Not three feet------ O.O
To everyone's horror, a mangled body sat up from it's tomb, holding his hand up, waving like the Queen of England. After a few seconds, it disappeared back in its tomb.
Everyone: -major O.O –
Viktor: Holy… fuck…!
THUD! Kraven fainted.
Singe: I think I just soiled myself…
In the sewers, close to the end. Kraven has just shot Lucian in the back and is running away, praying not to meet Viktor or any of the Death Dealers. He then sees a ladder up against a wall and climbs, climbs, climbs.
Being on top of it, he bends a little to see if anyone's coming. He looks to his left, and then to his right and takes a double take at what he sees. Viktor is strolling down the place with four Death Dealers behind him, guns in hands.
Kraven: O.O Holy, mother of God!
Actually, it turned out that he had bent down a little TOO MUCH and falls over THE OTHER SIDE of the wall. A few feet below, Viktor is walking, glaring around the place.
Unknown voice getting louder and louder: aaaaaAAAAAHHHHHH!
Viktor stops walking, looking around him, and sees something falling to the floor a few feet away. Guess what?
Kraven: X.+ Ow.
Viktor: O.O –looks down, up, down, and up, and then down again – turns to Death Dealers – Rule number 83: Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER….. EVER, EVER, EVER… attempt climbing a ladder to get away from your enemy.
Death Dealer number 1: Yeah… -to Death Dealer number 2 – He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he?
Kraven: Sorry... that wasn't supposed to happen. Guess I screwed up.
Viktor: … AGAIN.
Kraven: -getting up- Ow, ow, ow… someone please give me an Advil… -realizes that his elbow is stuck in the mouth of a lycan corpse- AAAHH! -jumps around and ends up dancing on spot doing the Chicken Dance- GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Death Dealer number 3 : -leans towards DD 1 and 2 – Not only is he an idiot, he's also a wuss.
Viktor: -.- -brings his hand to his forehead – And I left "THIS" in charge.
The Biting scene. Selene is drinking Michael's blood while Lucian is dying. She certainly hopes this will keep Michael alive, when she feels being pulled off him and thrown against the wall. Then, she sees Viktor grabbing Michael by the shirt and raising him up in the air. But then Michael's shirt starts to rip and the poor guy falls to the floor, without his T-shirt.
Michael: -high pitched voice- Ow. My ass.
Viktor: -looks at T-shirt- O.O -looks at Michael- O.O Right. -throws T-shirt in Michael's face- Go change!
Michael: -whimpers- My t-shirt!
Viktor: This rubbish?
Michael: -continues his whimpering-
Selene: -can't help herself to say- Good Lord, Mike, I wasn't aware of that side of you…!
Lucian slightly opens his eyes, and notices, offstage, that Kraven is holding his fist to his mouth to avoid the laughter. But then… Kraven's expression of mockery changes into one of anxiety and horror… HIS FUCKING FIST IS STUCK IN HIS FUCKING MOUTH!
Kraven starts moaning and whimpering as dancing around the spot, again. Lucian snorts, and, to avoid the laughter, closes his eyes with a small smile. Kraven has no choice but to ask the others for help.
Kraven: -appearing onscreen- I--- I s-uck! I s-uck! (Translation I'm stuck! I'm stuck!)
Selene, Michael, and Viktor: O.O
Selene: What the fuck?
Kraven: I s-uck!
Viktor: Yeah. We know you suck, bloody git.
Michael: You know, dude, whimpering and jumping around like that almost makes me feel pity for you. Almost.
Selene: -quickly- Um… Okay, guys! I invite everyone for a quick bite, who wants to come? –nervous laughing-
Everyone: -look at Kraven, but then look back at Selene -
Viktor: - smirks - Why not?
Michael: I'm definitely in!
Lucian: -hops to his feet in a Shawn Michaels fashion- So am I!
Everyone agrees and Selene, Michael, Viktor, and Lucian go away, leaving a whimpering Kraven behind, still with his fist stuck in his mouth.
Kraven: Hey! Ah, -huck! (translation Ah, fuck!)
Amelia's train arrives. She's strolling down the aisle of the train with the Counsel Members following her. The atmosphere is nothing but serious and dark, when they hear an unidentified voice coming from outside the train. Then, a short young boy appears in the doorway, wearing glasses and a scar in shape of a lightening on the forehead, holding a map.
Members of the Counsel: Holy cricket, it's Harry Potter!
Harry Potter: Er… Yes? –silence- Can you please tell me if this is the Hogwarts Express?
Amelia: O.o The what?
Harry Potter: Bloody hell, Ron! You flobberworm, I told you we should've turned left instead of right!
Voice of Ron, outside: Merlin, Harry! It's not my fault if my dad's Ford Angelina's all fucked up again! Stupid willow…
Harry Potter: Bloody hell…. – turns around and looks at the Council – I am so sorry for this disturbance, forgive us.. –turns back to the door and stalks out roaring – RON! I'm driving this time! Merlin knows when were bloody gonna get there!
Members of the Council: O.o
–heavy indian accent- Thank you.. and come again!
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