Title: Lions and Tigers and Bears – No Way

Summary: Hey, we can't all summon fantastically impressive beasts. An Iruka-centric (very) short.

Feedback: Only if there are no threats of any kind in it. A grateful thank you to Lady Geuna and Hey-Diddle-Diddle who managed this, and thanks to MalletWielderofDoom for the kind words. Feeding the author author works more.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I have stickers with them on. Does that count?

"We need a distraction now" yelled Genma and Iruka did the first thing he thought of. The sting of pain and the seals tripped off his fingers.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu" he yelled slamming his palm down.

"Aawari?"said the summons.

"How the hell is that useful?" Genma demanded. Iruka ran through the second set of seals even faster than the first.

"Kamome no Jutsu" he said brushing the feathers of the seagull he'd just summoned and making it shriek. There was a noise like a ton of popcorn going off at once, and the trees were full of the birds.

"Awari awari Awari Awa AWARI ri Awari A AWARI wari Awa AWARI ri Awari Awari Awari Awari AWARI Awari awari Awari AWARI Awari Awari Aw awari ri Awari Awari Awari AWA awari RI awari Awari Awari Awari Awari Awa awari ri A awari wari Awari A AWARI wari Awari Awari Awari Aw awari ari Awari AWARI Awari"

There must have been thousands of the birds filling the branches around them and shoving at each other.

The trio of grass Jounin sneered up at them, one waving a captured bird by the neck, ignoring the frantic flapping.

"You can't possibly imagine something so pathetic will even slow us down." Iruka didn't even pause before tearing open a cloth pouch and throwing the contents in the air.

"DINNERTIME" Genma had about half a second to register what looked like little sticks before the air was full of birds.

Beating wings and feathers filled the air. Genma swore and swatted at the stupid animals getting a 'present' for his troubles. "Don't bat at them Genma-san, they just get upset."

"No shit" muttered Genma, letting the Chuunin lead him out of the chaos and wiping at his face. In a moment they were clear and making good time as the screeching mass quickly fell behind them. "Those are the stupidest summons I've ever seen. And that includes sheep."

"Well, I'll admit they're not the smartest summons, but they're easy."

"Sou ka?"

"Un. It's about the same as two bunshin each."

"Two for each bird? That's easier than hawks."

"Um, actually two per jutsu. You just hold the second one longer if you want more birds. Feed them once, and after that they come to you pretty much on their own."

Genma just stared at Iruka who rubbed at his scar awkwardly. "Of course, they're not much good for anything else. They can't even carry messages. It's why no one ever wants the contract. Of course, if you do it indoors, it's even more spectacular." Genma blinked, his brain assembling facts.

"The year after I graduated…at the academy graduation exam…" Iruka had turned pink. "They had to postpone things for a week to clean the building…" Iruka was beet red and staring fixedly ahead as they ran through the trees. Genma chuckled under his breath and shifted his senbon. Well, wasn't that…interesting.