Sympathy

The worst thing about it is the sympathy, the 'oh-poor-you's from the happily-coupled dykes, the ones who've never had to worry about looking out the window one night and realising that everything they thought was true was a lie.

Mel's perfectly aware of the fact that having your wife cheat on you with a man is the ultimate sympathy-worthy event in every lesbian's life. She's heard it all at this stage: the countless tales of women who slept with men and never could be trusted after it, and how of course she's perfectly entitled to be angry, because it's the ultimate betrayal, and the more she hears the feelings that she initially had about the whole situation being relayed back to her through the mouths of these women, the more she wants to scream and say that she was wrong and that it doesn't fucking matter if it's a man or a woman because at the end of the day it was a single once-off mistake in the same way her own indiscretion was, and that she still loves Lindsay, for god's sake, and wants to defend her against these bitter women who criticise without knowing, without understanding, without having any right to. Melanie's the one who was cheated on, not them.

This is what people knowing about it does, brings forth the sympathy and the reassurances and the good intentions that somehow just make things even worse, and she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to be poor Mel, the one who fell in love with the woman who ended up fucking a guy, or poor Mel, left alone after her baby was born and after having put her career on hold, to add insult to injury. She doesn't want to be pitied, or talked about behind closed doors in well-meaning earnest tones. Just because she's not living with Lindsay doesn't mean she's alone when it comes to parenting. And just because she's single doesn't mean she's any less of a person. And just because she hasn't worked in several months doesn't mean she's lost the ability to argue about something she feels passionately about, and back it up with the legal expertise that's second nature to her.

She doesn't want their sympathy. She just wants the woman she loves to walk in the door of this house that used to be theirs, and stay.

- end -