Swing123: Since Christmas is coming up quick, I'm ending CALVIN'S BATMAN ADVENTURE here so I can start working on the Christmas special. I've ended it as best I could even though I'm going to exclude some of the villains.

Batboy leaped onto the stairs, and chased The Clock king up them.

"HALT!" He yelled.

The Clock King ignored him.


The Clock King ignored him.


You can guess what reaction that got.

The Clock King rushed to the top of the tower, and tossed another exploding watch at Batboy.

Batboy ducked.

The watch flew over him.

Batboy lifted his head, and looked behind him.

"HA!" He yelled. "You sure have a lousy aim! And now you will perish!"

"Uh-huh." Said Clock King. "By the way, that was a boomerang watch."

"A what?"

Just then a watch hit Batboy in the back of his head.

"HEY!" Batboy yelled. "That's cheating!"

Batboy heaved the watch away, and it exploded.

He then turned back to The Clock King.

He was leaning on his Long Hand cane, and was grinning at Batboy.

Batboy flung a Batrang at him.

It missed.

"Your aim appears to be off, Batboy." Clock King said.

Batboy blinked. "Yeah, well, Same to you, bub! And I'll bet your mother tells time through a sundial!"

Clock King rolled his eyes.

Batboy whipped out a Batrang, and Clock King whipped out another clock bomb.

"Ah, so we're locked in a battle of wits, Mr Counter Clockwise!" Batboy uttered, his white eyes narrowing to slits. "Very well! We'll see who throws the first unrealistic yet extremely cool object!"

Seconds past.

Those seconds dragged into minutes.

Those minutes dragged into one hour.

By that time, Batboy thought he we would go nuts.

"Would you hurry up and throw that stupid bomb!" Batboy demanded.

Clock King blinked, but didn't move.

"Alright, bucko! Prepare for your biological clock to come to a dramatic standstill!"

Batboy heaved the Batrang.

Clock King calmly watched its progress as it bounced off the wall, hit the floor, and went out the window and out of sight.

Clock King then turned his eyes back to Batboy and proceeded to stare at him, with a self satisfied grin on his face.

Batboy blinked.

"Um... I can now reveal that you've fallen right into my diabolical plot!"

No response.

"No kidding! You're actually in terrible danger!"

No answer.

"You might as well turn yourself in to the cops! I'm as lethal as thirteen rattlesnakes with a headache!"

Clock King yawned.

"Uh... beware my power?"

Outside, the Batrang bounced off the streets, bounced off the clock tower, bounced off the police car that was going to get Joker, and flew back into the clock tower.

The Batrang hit Clock King in the head, and he fell over.

Batboy grinned.

"See! I told ya! And there's plenty more where that came from!"

Batboy whipped out his Time Pauser, and was able to tie up Clock King before he got up.

"Attention" Batboy said, walking down the stairs. "We have a deranged maniac who thinks he's a clock..."

"I DO NOT THINK I'M A CLOCK!" Clock King roared.

"Correction." Batboy said. "a deranged maniac who thinks he's the king of all clocks and that all his unworthy clock peasants should bow down to him."

Clock King started screaming several things that Batboy, that weren't very nice in his opnion.

Batboy marched out of the Clock Tower, and over to Battiger.

"Well." Batboy said. "While you were cowering under the bed, I just beat the stuffings out of ol' clock-o over there."

"You threw a batrang at him, missed, it bounced off several buildings, then came crashing in and conveniently hit him in the head. It was all a clumsy accident." Battiger said.

"Oh YEAH?" Batboy growled. "Well you're just UGLY!"

"Uh-huh." Battiger ignored him. "who's next? Dare I ask."

"Let's see, we did Laughing Moron, and the Clock Moron, and Puzzlement Dude, hmm... How about... How about Toothy!"


"Toothy!" Batboy said, impatiently. "Don't tell me you've never heard of Toothy!"

Batboy and Battiger stared at each other for a long moment.

Batboy sighed.

"Big hat? Big teeth? Ridiculous purple costume? Great obsession over Alice in Wonderland? Talks like Orlando Bloom? Am I ringing any bells?"

Battiger blinked.

Batboy's eyes squeezed shut.

"The Mad Hatter?" He said, finally.

"Oh him." Battiger said. "Where are we going to find him?"

"Quite simple actually!" Batboy said, matter of factly. "We just have to think like a Hatter. Whatever that is. Now Hobbes, If you were a hat, where would you hide out?"

"Las Vegas?" Battiger asked.


"New York?"


"Jefferson City?"


"Oklahoma City?"

"No, that's wrong! And I'm afraid we're out of time!" Batboy spat. "I can now inform you that hats take refuge in hat stores!"

"Brilliant, Holmes." Battiger said, rolling his eyes.

Batboy and Battiger searched the entire Hat Store, but turned up nothing.

"Drat." Batboy said. "Somebody must have tipped him off about our arrival!"

"He's right over there." Battiger said.

Batboy spun around.

There stood the Mad Hatter. Staring at them with his teeth the size of a truck.

"AH HA!" Batboy announced. "So, Toothy! We meet again!"

"Toothy?" Mad Hatter asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That's correct!" Batboy yelled. "Your teeth are so big that the north end doesn't even connect to the south end!"

Batboy thought about that.

"Well, I guess that's a slight exaggeration. Nothing's so big that the north end doesn't even... Your teeth are big is the point! There as big as a garbage can! Or a whole pickup! Or a whole house! Or a..."

"I think he gets it, Calvin." Battiger said.

Mad Hatter snapped his gloves fingers.

All at once a giant cage dropped down on top of the two.

"HA!" Batboy declared. "You think this can stop us? We'll just use our mighty BAT LASERS to..."

Mad Hatter reached into the cage, and punched the laser out of Batboy's hand.

"...Oh fiddlesticks." Batboy grumbled, as the Bat Laser hit the floor a few feet away from the cage.

"Wow that was easy." Mad Hatter said. "Anyway, Taa!"

And with that, Hat man left.

Batboy and Battiger exchanged glances.

"Would you end this, and bring the Book Transport over?" Battiger asked.

Batboy hit a button on his utility belt, and all at once, The Book Transport was there.

Batboy hit another button, and a laser shot out of the box, and hit the cage, cutting it in half.

Batboy stepped out along with his kitty friend.

"Come, Battiger! We must defeat Th evil Mad Hat Tipper Guy!"

Batboy zoomed out of the room.

Battiger blinked.

He turned to the Book Transport. It had a button on it that greatly interested him. And for once It wasn't the HOME button.

Batboy flung himself onto the roof of the building.

There he met Mad Hatter, grinning at him.

"Prepare for the ultimate hurt, HATTY!"

Batboy screamed, insanely, and flung his fist at Mad Hatter.

If Batboy would've been three inches closer, he would've nailed the villain.

The point was, that Batboy hadn't got close enough before he threw the punch, and all at once we had one fist hovering inches from Mad Hatter's grinning face.

"This is awkward." Batboy said.

Mad Hatter grabbed Batboy's arm, and flung him off the edge of the building.

"YEEEK!" Batboy yelled, he grabbed hold of one of the gargoyles that were on the building.

"Oh Mr Ha-a-a-a-a-t!" Batboy sang. "I'm not plunging to my de-e-e-a-a-a-a-th!"

Mad Hatter looked over the ledge, and stared at Batboy, who was hanging from a thread, and sticking his tongue out at him.

Mad Hatter sighed.

"This is insane." He sighed.

He picked up a rock, and flung it at Batboy.

It missed by a few centimeters.

"HA!" Batboy yelled, clinging to the Gargoyle for dear life. "You missed! And I'll bet your mother wears A RED outfit with A YELLOW HAT! So there!"

Mad Hatter gave Batboy a blank stare.

"Is that your idea as an insult?" He asked.

"YEAH!" Batboy yelled. "And if you don't like it, then you can just start wearing RED clothing!"

"Give me a break." Mad Hatter said.

Just then, Battiger leaped from nowhere, and delivered a square punch right in the middle of Mad Hatter's... hat.

Well, his hat was bigger than the rest of his body, so it made sense that Battiger hit the hat instead.

Mad Hatter spun around.

Battiger landed, dramatically three feet from the villain.

He leaped up, and punched his gloved hand into his other gloved hand, and grinned a sneaky grin.

"Bring it on, Beaver man!" Battiger spat.

Meanwhile, Batboy was climbing back onto the building.

When he saw Battiger and Mad Hatter rolling around in circles, he grinned.


At last, Battiger overpowered Mad Hatter, and pinned him to the ground.

Batboy was cheering


Battiger lifted himself from the ground, and bowed.

Then, and you won't believe this, Just then, Battiger vanished in a vapor of smoke.

Batboy's eyes popped open.


He rushed over to the spot where Battiger had been before.

"You sacrificed yourself to save me!" Batboy sobbed. "I wanted to do that!"

Batboy started banging his hands into the ground, and crying.

"NO! Hobbes! You're gone forever! I'm sorry for all the tacky remarks I've said to you over the years!"

Just then, Battiger walked up to Batboy, holding an ice creme, and staring down at him.

"If only I could see your face once more!" Batboy sobbed. "I'd apologize for all the rude and tacky insults I've said!

Battiger popped the rest of the cone in his mouth, and continued to stare at Batboy.

"If I could just hear your voice again!"

Battiger smacked his lips, and coughed.

"Yeah! Like that."

Just then, Batboy's head came up, and he stared at Battiger.

"HUH!" He babbled. "But then! Who... what... did you... what did... you... Boy I sure get confused."

Battiger's eyes narrowed. "Exactly." He said. "Your confused, Calvin. That wasn't me! That was Socrates!"

"Itwasawhat?" Batboy said, quickly.

"Socrates agreed to stay here for one minute, to defeat Hatty." Battiger said.

There was a long moment of silence.

"So... that wasn't you?"



There was another silence.

"I knew it all along!"

Later, Batboy and Battiger learned that, Two Face and Killer Croc had been captured.

Then Batboy and Battiger started to get a little competition with Batman.

Batman captured Mr Freeze, and Ras' Al Gaul before they could.

"BACK!" Clayface screamed throwing his yellow clay hammer at Batboy, in the theater.

Batboy dodged it, and it crashed into a seat.

"HA!" Batboy yelled. "You missed! And I'll bet your mother did STOP MOTION ANIMATION!"

"Calvin, maybe you shouldn't be teasing him." Battiger said.

"What's the worse that could happen?" Batboy asked.

At that very moment, over five pounds of clay collided with Batboy's stomach, sending him crashing into the wall.

"That." Battiger said.

After they arrested Clayface, (which wasn't easy, mind you) Batboy and Battiger attacked Poison Ivy.

"Prepare for your doom, Plant Lady!" Batboy snarled.

Ivy clapped her hands, once, and all at once ten pounds of plant collapsed onto him.

"BATTIGER!" Batboy called. "I'm stuck! Throw me a vine!"

"Which one?" Battiger asked. "The one that's staring at me, or the one that's making that weird noise?"

After they apprehended Poision Ivy, Batboy and Battiger went after Penguin.

"DIE BIRD BRAIN!" Batboy screamed.

Penguin shot at Batboy with his umbrella, then made his getaway.


Battiger yawned, and dropped a net over Penguin's head.

It went on for this for the next few hours, as Batboy and Battiger attacked Scarecrow, and Baby Doll.

"Alright, Hobbes." Batboy said, a little later. "We have only one villain left, and we'll have succeeded in saving these dumb people from the forces of weirdness."

"I'm just glad we didn't have to fight any of the weird ones like Scarecrow or Baby Doll." Battiger said.

"Oh pish pash!" Batboy said. "We've fought our share of weird villains! Consider Laughing Moron! Or Clock Moron! Or Hattery Hat man!"

"Actually, all of Batman's villains are weird." Battiger said.

"Exactly!" Batboy announced. "And now we will attack Inbane! And then go home! Then live happily everly after!"

"Great." Battiger said. "And where do you plan on finding "Inbane"?"

"Well, think of it, Hobbes." Batboy said. "He's a muscular lunatic! He must be at a gym someplace!"

"A Gym?" Battiger asked.

"Yes of corse he is!" Batboy said. "Alright Baney! Say your prayers!"

"Are you sure it's not that guy?"

Battiger pointed behind Batboy.

He looked behind him.


"AH!" Batboy grinned. "You've fallen right into my trap, Brain!"

"Bane." Battiger corrected.

"Yes, of corse! Prepare for a lotta pain, Gain!"

"Bane." Battiger corrected.

"I'll speak for myself, Hobbes!" Batboy spat. "The word is BLAIN!"

"Alright." Battiger said, rolling his eyes.

Batboy turned back to the giant monster of a human.

"And now, Blag, you will face the awesome wrath of Batboy and Battig..."


One punch, and Batboy went flying through the air.

He landed in heap on the floor.

"Battiger! Run! Plague is taking countermeasures!"

A blur of orange, blue, and black exploded past Batboy, and all at once, Battiger was gone.

Batboy blinked, and leaped up.

"Prepare to be wasted, Plag!"


Another punch, and Batboy found himself staring at Bane upside down from a water tank.

He lifted himself from the tank and said, "You can not possibly defeat me, Flag! I am all powerful and..."




Batboy lifted himself out of the snow.

"Alright, Wag! Prepare for your downfall!"

Batboy whipped out a batrope, and heaved it at Bane.

It wounded itself around Bane.

You can guess what good that did.

Bane flexed his muscles, and the ropes snapped.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Batboy snarled.


Batboy then went flying into a water tank.

"ALRIGHT!" Batboy screamed. "That's it! No more Mr Nice Batboy!"

Batboy started pulling things out of his utility belt.

"You're going down, Wab!"

Batboy started pelting Bane with several items in his belt.

Stuff like, oh, an entire Television set, a chair, three desks, a keyboard, a window pane, a chair, a clock, a refrigerator, a chair, a waste basket, a wood burning stove, a microwave, a chair, a pine tree, an oak tree, a chair, a apple tree, a chair, and a chair.

All the while, Batboy's name for Bane, "Wab", evolved into "1-800-2345-6666"

After he had run out of ridiculously large items to throw at Bane, Batboy ceased his insane massacre on the poor muscular lunatic.

Batboy studied the pile.

Bane wasn't dramatically emerging from it.

"And let that be a lesson to you, Mr Supercalafragilisticexpealedoses!"

Suddenly, a hand exploded from the pile.

Batboy looked around.

Bane was emerging, dramatically, from the pile of so forth.

Batboy gulped.

"Well so much for that idea." He said. "Plan B!"

Batboy held up a microphone.

"Requesting backup from Guano-man and Bird Brain. I repeat. Requesting backup from Guano-man and Bird Brain. And since I just like calling you that, I'll repeat it again. Requesting backup from Guano-man and Bird Brain."

At that very moment, A batrang hit Bane in the back of the head.

Batboy spun around to greet.

It was then that Batboy saw a terrible sight.


Not Battiger. Hobbes.


"Uh-huh." Hobbes said. "By the way, Bane's making a grab for you."

"His name is 1-800-something, something, something-6666!" Batboy called. "And put that costume back on! Don't you want to be like Batman and Robin?"

"Not exactly, and Bane's getting closer."

"Alright!" Batboy yelled. "If you don't want to be Battiger, then, I don't want to be Batboy!"

Batboy ripped his cowl off, revealing his spiky head.

He flung the cowl over his shoulder.

"And I don't need this either!"

Calvin ripped his cape off, and flung it over his shoulder.

"Or this!"

He ripped his utility belt off, and threw it over his shoulder.

"Or this!"

He flung both blue boots over his shoulder.

"Or this!"

He flung his grey sweat pants over his shoulder.

"Or this!"

He flung his gloves over his shoulder.

"Or this!"

He flung his grey shirt over his shoulder.

With all the costume off, Calvin was once again in his regular outfit of red and black

"What do you say to that?" Calvin demanded, crossing his arms.

"Beware of Bat-Bane." Hobbes replied.

Calvin tossed his head over his shoulder (Not literally), and it was then that he saw Bane.

He looked like an I-don't-what.

Like some kind of deranged bat with huge muscles.

"Well, whaddeyaknow?" Calvin cheered. "Blagwsg has turned over to the side of Justice, Batness, and really really weirdness. I guess this story has a happy ending after all, eh, Hobbes?"

"He's still about to strangle you." Hobbes said.

"What was that?"

"I said, Oh boy. batness. oh goody."

"That's the spirt, now if you don't mind, I'd like to get out of this stupid place.

With Bane only inches from Calvin's neck, Calvin hit the button on his remote control, and all at once, the Book Transport came roaring towards Calvin.


With a cough and a stutter, Bane keeled over backwards.

Calvin looked down at him.

"Oops, sorry, Bhjbasg, get out of the way."

Just then, Batman and Robin flew up.

"What are you doing here!" Batman demanded.

"Well, until you came along, I was going to leave." Calvin said.

Batman and Robin exchanged glances.

"But you beat all our villains!" Robin said, "Aren't you going to stay?"

Calvin thought about that.

"Nah!" He finally decided. "I only did this 'cause I was bored. Get in the box, Hobbes, we're going home!"

Hobbes turned to Batman and Robin.

"Apparently, we have to go now." He said. "bye, bye, birdy. I'll remember you all in therapy."

And with that, Hobbes climbed into the box with Calvin hit the HOME button.


The box, Calvin and Hobbes, shrunk down into nothingness.

Batman and Robin exchanged glances.

"I'm leaving the area for a few days." Robin said, walking off.

Calvin and Hobbes then reappeared in their livingroom.

"WEWH!" Calvin sighed. "I'm never reading that comic book again for three days."

"Amazing." Hobbes said. "Get me out of this Death Trap you call a box."

Hobbes stumbled out of the Book Transport.

He turned a menacing glare on Calvin.

"Next time you invite me to take part in a ridiculous scheme, again, remind me to rip your lips off."

And with that, Hobbes stalked out of the room, leaving Calvin alone.

"Well." He said. "There's a moral to all this, I suppose."

Calvin leaped out of the box and rushed for the closet.

"Whatever it is, I have absolutely no idea what! NOR DO I CARE! HA HA HA!"

Calvin pulled a Superman comic book out of his bookcase.

Calvin slipped the comic book into the slot.

The GO button on the machine began to glow bright green.

"Oh, Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-bbes!" Calvin sang, pulling two Superman costumes out of his drawer.

The End

Swing123: This will be the first story in CALVIN AND HOBBES: THE SERIES to include voice work at the end! If you look back at earlier stories, you'll see I've added voice work in for them, too. I'll do this for the rest of the stories.


Pamela Segal: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Tom Kenny: Batboy (announcing voice)

Regular cast: villains/Batman/Robin/Alfred

Dee Bradley Baker: Miscellaneous voice work

Coming up next: "The Night of the Living Television"