Summary: Calvin tries to convince Hobbes that a tornado is not coming, after the two watch a show about them. Until it comes, that is.


And Now Back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series

The Black Turning Funnel

It started out as a normal day in the Calvin and Hobbes household.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in front of the TV.

"Today, on X-treme weather," the Weather man was saying. "Tornados. How to escape them. And how to know when one is approaching! NEXT!"

"YAWN!" said Calvin. "A tornado's never hit here! Why do we need to learn about the stupid things?"

"It never hurts to take precautions." Dad said, walking past Calvin. "You should watch this, Calvin. It will build character."

"All the more reason to change the channel." said Calvin looking around for the remote.

Hobbes was asleep. His tongue was hanging out his mouth, and he was snoring.

Just then he woke with a start. "YIKES!" he yelped.

"What?" Calvin asked, turning around.

"I just had this horrible dream..." said Hobbes. "It was about a... a funnel."

there was a long moment of silence.

"Spellbinding" said Calvin sarcastically, continuing to look for the remote.

Hobbes yawned and stretched all four legs.

Just then X-treme, weather came back on, and people started blabbing about tornados.

"We have as much chance as getting a tornado, as I do getting a flamethrower!" Calvin complained. "This is useless knowledge! I should write to the studio and complain!"

Dad was standing right beside the window.

"Storm's coming up. Look at those clouds!" He sighed. "I guess that means I can't go on my bike ride."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"I know!" Dad grinned. "I'll jog around the car for half an hour! That will get my heart rate going!"

Dad ran out of the room, grinning like maniac.

"Your Dad's making a mockery out of the word; exercise" said Hobbes.

"Mmm-hmmm" grumbled Calvin, staring passively into the TV.

"I'm sick of this." Calvin finally said, jumping up and switching the TV off. "I'm just going to read my new comic book."

Calvin trudged up the stairs with Hobbes close behind.

Mom met Calvin at the stairs.

"Calvin, me and your Dad are going to the grocery store. We'll be back in a hour or so. Don't do anything stupid!"

"Mmm-hmmm." Calvin muttered.

"I've locked up the fridge." Mom said.

"I'll survive." Calvin. "And the tunnel to the fridge has been filled in."

"My life is over." Calvin said, as Mom walked out the door.

Calvin was up in his room, reading his comic book.

Hobbes seemed more tense than usual.

Calvin finally asked. "You act as if the end of the World's coming."

"Something doesn't feel right. Muttered Hobbes.

"Mmm-hmmm." said Calvin continuing the comic book.

Hobbes looked around.

He sniffed the air.

"Calvin," he said. "The air seems heavy."

"Fascinating." said Calvin, not looking up.

Hobbes' eyes drifted to the window.

"What's that roaring?"

"Mmm" replied Calvin.

Hobbes looked out the window.

"What's that?" Hobbes asked.

"That, Hobbes, is ray gun used by Captain Napalm to..."

"PUT THE COMIC DOWN!" Hobbes yelled.

Reluctantly, Calvin put down the book.

It was then that the roaring was heard.

"Hmmm." Calvin said. "Windy day. Lets go watch TV."

Calvin and Hobbes walked down the stairs.

Calvin switched on the TV. The hiss of static came on.

"OH for crying out loud!" Calvin yelled. "I hate satellite! Why won't Dad get us Direct TV like all the other homes?"

"The dish is probably out of place." Hobbes said. "We could probably fix it."

Calvin grumbled and opened the door.

WHOOOOOSH!

A huge gust of wind shot into the house.

Calvin slammed the door shut.

It was then that the electricity went out, completely.

"Calvin!" Hobbes yelled. "I think there's a tornado coming!"

"Impossible!" Calvin screamed over the wind. "There hasn't been a tornado here since nineteen-fifty-something."

Hobbes' eyes glowed green in the darkness.

"There are some flashlights in the basement." Calvin said. "Go get them!"

"If you think I'm going down into that dark place, you are badly mistaken!" Hobbes said.

Just then a chilling laugh echoed through the house.

Calvin and Hobbes froze.

"Monsters!" Calvin hissed. "The darkness has made them come out from under the bed!"

"To the basement then!" Hobbes declared, grabbing Calvin by the arm, and swinging the door open.

"Ok." Calvin said. "The lights are out so watch where you step."

"I'm already at the bottom." Hobbes replied. "The stairs aren't that hard to miss."

"Oh." Calvin said. "Ok. Here I come!"

CRASH! BONK! BUMP! SMASH! BANG! WHAM! SLAM! SMACK! WHACK!

"YOU STUPID TIGER! YOU SAID THE STAIRS WEREN'T HARD TO MISS!" Calvin screamed.

"Well, I could see in the dark to begin with." Hobbes said.

"Thanks a lot!" Calvin snarled. "I've probably fractured my skull!"

Calvin got up, and dusted himself off.

"Ok, Mister. You can see! Get me a flashlight!"

Hobbes groped around.

"OW! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!" Calvin yelled

"I know." Hobbes grinned.

"GET YOUR ELBOW OUT OF MY FACE!"

Just then, something bit Calvin's foot.

"Hey! Knock it off!" Calvin yelled.

"That wasn't me, that was the mouse." Hobbes said.

Calvin screamed like a maniac, and tried to get the mouse off his foot.

"GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!" GET IT OFF ME!"

At last, Calvin shook it off.

"Ah! Here's the flashlight." Hobbes said.

There was a click, and the flashlight spewed out a misty line of light.

"Ok, now let's go back up." Calvin said. "The monsters won't attack us with the light."

Calvin and Hobbes crept back up the stairs.

The wind was really blowing, now.

"well, I'm gonna go fix the antenna." Calvin said. "If you want to stay here and keep the monsters company and talk about tornados, be my guest."

Calvin opened the door, walked outside, and slammed it.

"If the electricity's out, how can he fix the antenna?" asked one of the monsters, who sounded like he was on one of the top stairs.

"I have no idea. He's just weird." Hobbes said. "I'm going outside. Help yourself to anything in the trash can."

Hobbes opened the door. Wind burst in. Hobbes staggered outside, and slammed the door.

Against the roaring wind, Calvin had pushed a ladder up to the side of the house.

He was on top of the roof, smacking the antenna with a hammer.

"CALVIN!" Hobbes screamed over the wind. "HOW CAN YOU FIX THE ANTENNA WITH THE ELECTRICITY OUT!"

"WHAT?" Calvin screamed. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I SAID, HOW CAN YOU FIX THE TV WITH NO ELECTRICITY!"

"WHAT! HOBBES YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP! I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING IN THIS WIND!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, CALVIN!"

"WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

"TRY TO READ MY LIPS!"

"WHAT!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes slapped his forehead.

He grabbed the ladder, and started up the it.

"NOW WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Hobbes screamed.

Calvin stuck his nose in Hobbes's ear and screamed, "I SAID TO TRY AND READ MY LIPS!"

Hobbes shrunk back.

"DON'T SCREAM IN MY EAR!" He shouted. "I'M NOT DEAF!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, HOBBES!"

"EAR! DON'T SCREAM IN MY EAR!"

"YES! WE'RE HERE, HOBBES!"

"CALVIN! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? TRY TO READ MY LIPS!"

Hobbes looked down at Calvin's lips.

"CALVIN! YOU'VE GOT DIRT ALL OVER YOUR LIPS! NOW WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

"MOUTH!" Calvin screamed. "LOOK AT MY MOUTH!"

"YOU KILLED A MOUSE!" Hobbes screamed.

"I'VE GOT DIRT ON MY MOUTH!" Calvin screamed.

"YOU'VE GOT A MOUSE IN YOUR MOUTH!" Hobbes screamed.

"WHAT!" Calvin screamed.

"CALVIN! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THE WIND IS SWIRLING AROUND!" Hobbes yelled.

"SQUIRRELS AROUND!" Calvin yelled. "WERE THEY INSIDE THE HOUSE?"

"WHAT!"

"THE SQUIRRELS!" Calvin yelled. "WERE THEY INSIDE THE HOUSE!"

"NO THOSE WERE MICE! MICE!"

"YEAH, SQUIRRELS ARE NICE! I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THEM!"

This wasn't working, so Hobbes leaned over, and shouted,

"I SAID HOW CAN YOU GET THE TV FIXED WHEN THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY!"

His screaming was so loud, it caused Calvin's ear drums to rattle.

"DON'T YELL IN MY EAR, BONEHEAD! I'M NOT DEAF! NOW WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

"THE ELECTRICITY!" Hobbes screamed.

"WHAT?" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes slapped his forehead.

"CALVIN! THE WIND! GET IN THE HOUSE!"

"THE MOUSE IS STILL ALIVE!"

"WHAT?"

Calvin slammed his eyes shut.

"HOBBES! SOMETIMES I THINK I HATE YOU!"

"NO I ATE THIS MORNING!" Hobbes screamed. "MORNING!"

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"I'M GOING INTO THE HOUSE! AND IF YOU WANT TO STAY HERE, AND BABBLE LIKE A MORON ABOUT POURING MICE INTO A POWER BOX, BE MY GUEST!"

"WHAT?"

Calvin climbed down the ladder, and fought against the wind to get into the house.

Hobbes followed.

When they were both in the house, Calvin asked. "Now, what did you say?"

"There's a twister coming." Hobbes said, softly.

"No there's not." Calvin insisted.

"Did you know that tornados can make it look like night in the middle of the Day?" Hobbes called.

"Yeah!" Calvin screamed.

"Pretty dark out there." Hobbes observed. "Do you have the time?"

"Sure!" Calvin looked at his watch.

12:08 PM.

Calvin looked outside into the inky darkness.

Calvin looked back at his watch.

"UPSTAIRS!" Calvin screamed.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed up to Calvin's room.

Calvin ran into the closet.

He came out seconds later with...

"I think I'll take my chances with the tornado." Hobbes said, turning around.

"Get into this box!" Calvin yelled. "There's only one way to stop this thing!"

"Oh yeah?" Hobbes yelled. "How might that be?"

"I'll explain later. Now lets get this thing outside!"

Calvin and Hobbes hauled the box down the stairs.

"Uh, when the tornado sucks you up, and kills you, could you perhaps try and land in the house?" Asked one of the monsters.

"Out of pure spite, no." Calvin replied.

Calvin heard one of the monsters snap their fingers.

Calvin and Hobbes carried the box into the roaring wind.

Calvin climbed inside.

"SLIP ON YOUR VORTEX GOGGLES, HOBBES!" Calvin screamed.

"WHAT!" Hobbes shrieked.

Calvin shoved his vortex goggles into Hobbes' face.

Calvin and Hobbes slipped them on, and Calvin turned on the airplane.

VROOOM!

The engine turned over but didn't start.

"Come on..." Calvin muttered, punching his hand into the GO button.

The engine rolled over, but refused to start.

"Uh, Calvin?" Hobbes muttered. "You might want to hurry up with the plan?"

Calvin looked up.

Hmmm...

There seemed to be black turning funnel swirling across the landscape.

Maybe about five miles away.

Huh.

Seemed to be coming toward them pretty fast.

Uh-oh.

Calvin frantically hit the GO button, but the machine didn't start.

Just then, the wind picked up, and the box rose into the air, out of control.

"AAAAA!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed holding onto each other.

Just the machine chugged, and started.

Calvin and Hobbes looked down at all the little lights coming on.

"Well." Hobbes said. "You got the machine started. The only thing is... Did it start in time?"

Calvin looked up.

The tornado was only a hundred feet away.

And it was coming up fast.

"help." Calvin whispered. "cry for help."

To be Continued...