She was never a weakling.

Cold, distant, and misunderstood maybe, but her mind never broke along with her body. Every punch she received was returned ten fold, not a scornful glare left unpunished. Being the slayer gave her strength, certainly - but it wasn't her core. It wasn't what she needed. It wasn't her.

Yet it was, however, all that she had left.

She could still see her watcher's blood splatter from Kakistos, spelling out a future of torment and angst on a formally white wall. Choked cries of pain reverberated through her mind in a sickening ditty, screams that she couldn't extinguish. Faith escaped annihilation that day, that heart still thudded beneath her snapped ribs. She was still breathing, fighting, and standing up tall, as if trying to battle away the agony with each strike, to prove her existence.

But no matter how much she didn't want to admit it, Faith had long since died. Her life had ended with her watcher's last breath.

No one would ever get her, not really. They saw beautifully sculpted features adorning a sleek, sexy form, never how ugly it was beneath all that, the memories that hid there. Who would have thought the ultimate disguise was tan skin and a flirtatious smile?

She had always been an outcast, being the slayer was just icing on the cake. It gave them something else to push her aside for. The ultimate weapons and power will destroy you in the end, she just didn't know it would be so slyly. So unknowingly. Even bombs left ashes and radiation in their wake, a cloud of fire and a sound that makes the sky scream... why not this?

Was she too locked out to be granted even this favor? She had five million reasons to hate the world. Five million reasons to cry herself to sleep each night for all her injustices. Five million reasons to put a bullet in her head and be done with it already.

That's precisely what her words would say: Five by five, telling them exactly what was going through her mind. And maybe if they'd stopped to listen, they would understand what she meant when she answered their small talk - but they never would. Buffy could get all the emotional support she needed, always a shoulder to cry on or a tissue under her nose. However Faith was another story entirely, a lost cause as far as the Scoobies were concerned...

They'd never know the heartbreak inside her - and what made it worse? They'd never care to. After all, what could she possibly experience beneath that sultry exterior? It's not like she was a person or anything.

It's not as if she'd matter in the end.


Author's Note: I know, I know. Not my best work. This was just a drabble on Faith I wrote in under 10 minutes, I have the urge to just delete it all and start from scratch. Meh. Thanks for reading.