This is set after Josephs failed proposal, in the movie; it's his thoughts, I think! Lol, maybe his perspective on his semi- relationship with Clarisse. Oh, Just read it!. Little one- shot , cause I felt like it. None of these characters belong to me , they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney.
She was instable, she was erratic, she drove him crazy but god he loved her. She would argue, she would scream but he still stayed, comforting her when she needed him. He was getting tired now, fed - up of asking her to marry him, tired of wishing she would give into herself for once.
She always put the monarchy first, ruthlessly casting all her feelings aside - all his feelings aside, for the honour of her country. She pretended not to care about herself, about the pain she was causing and he couldn't lie, she was very good at deception. She lied to herself constantly, frightened that her reality would be too much to deal with. She lied to him but he could see through it, she was never happy, she had never been happy. She used her position, her granddaughter, everything to avoid her love of him. He knew how she felt, she felt it would be easier for him to just leave, to let her remain living alone - contented to be unhappy in a world which had never made her anything but.
Her eyes, it was her eyes that gave it all away - they read like a book. When she smiled, be it genuine or false her eyes lit up. When she cried they were dull and lifeless. He noticed all this about her, he knew her inside out. He knew she took a bath at least twice a day, he knew she secretly detested caviar, he knew she read gossip magazines and yet, he didn't understand why she put herself through torment.
30 years he had known her, yet she was still an enigma. Her ferocity baffled him, he iron will was frightening but he knew that she was not that way at all. She was pitifully weak underneath. Desperate for peoples approval, afraid that she did not meet standards that surpassed normal human beings. It frustrated him, God it frustrated him! Why wouldn't she let him in, near her. He could help her, yet she wouldn't let him get close to her - afraid he would hurt her. How could she think that of him? After all he'd done for her. She couldn't deal with the fact she might need help, instead of relying on her self-will. It was getting too much for him too deal with. Walking five steps behind her for the rest of his life, calling her by her title - it couldn't go on. His head was permanently spinning with thoughts of her- of her inadequacies, of her instability. The frustration, the anger. It was getting heavy and he couldn't cope. He was lower than he'd ever been in his life, yet he couldn't drag himself away from the palace, from Genovia, from Clarisse. Her name burned him, swirling in his head like some weird toxin. It was almost as if he was addicted to her, it didn't matter from how far he got his hit, be it her Head of security, lover, best friend……husband - he had to have it. The addiction was becoming fatal now, and he knew he couldn't cope. She would never give up, not in sacrifice of her own control. It was decorum, it was honour, all of it came before her happiness - and his.
He sighed, downed the last of his whiskey and clutching the resignation lying in front of him, made for the kitchen door. Switching off the light, he plunged into darkness- along with the rest of the world.
Lot a nonsense, I know but it was fun to write.