A/N: I don't own stuff, don't sue me. Disney owns Pirates...blah blah, Homer owns...Circe blah blah. I just make them dance for me like puppets, he he. Please review. Suggestions for future chapters always welcome.
Hey! You're Not Prince Charming...
I was so cold. Awfully cold. I could hardly feel my body and I couldn't even think about moving. All I could do was lie motionless, barely breathing, waiting for my prince to come to my rescue. My curse could only be alleviated by a kiss and soon Prince Charming would come to provide that cure.
Suddenly, I felt lips press against mine. Warmth rushed through me and I felt my face become flushed. I gasped and opened my eyes as feeling returned to my limbs. He'd come for me! Prince Charming had come to rescue me! I'd known he...wait a minute.
"You're not Prince Charming," I said as I looked up into the face of a scraggly man with dark dreadlocks.
This guy was obviously not even royalty, much less Prince Charming. Where was my prince and what had this scoundrel of a peasant done with him?
"Who are you?" I demanded in my most authoritative voice, sitting up.
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, love," he replied, giving a small bow that seemed suspiciously mocking.
"Well, Mr. Sparrow, what are you doing here? Prince Charming will be here any minute and you'll be in an awful lot of trouble if he finds that you've already lifted the curse," I informed him without bothering to look at him.
Instead, I combed the corners of the room for any sign of my prince.
"Actually, princess...I don't a-think he be comin' for ye," Jack Sparrow had the audacity to address me, "And it's Captain Sparrow, savvy?"
"What?" I demanded, my eyes snapping to him.
"No. The part about Prince Charming not coming," I interrupted, the volume of my speech increasing as I uttered the unthinkable.
Jack Sparrow smirked at me. Insolent peasant.
"Well, I heard that he's traveled over to a different kingdom. Ye know, to court a princess that isn't cursed and guarded by magic. Just what I heard."
"That can't be true. He'll be here shortly. You just wait."
Jack shrugged and perched himself on the edge of my pedestal. I scowled at him for daring to encroach on my space and scooted to the opposite extremity. I remained on the cushions so as to lie back down and pretend to be asleep the moment Prince Charming arrived.
Time passed slowly and I soon grew rather impatient. Where on earth was Prince Charming anyway?
"Well, what are you doing here anyway?" I finally broke the stifling silence.
I refused to admit that this rapscallion could possibly be right. Prince Charming must have been delayed somehow. That was all.
"Actually, I'm here to rob ye," Jack said, looking rather sheepish.
"Rob me? Then, why on earth did you kiss me?"
"Well, I was curious, love. I heard about yer little predicament, but ye never know if tales like that be true, savvy? So, I gave ye a little pucker and ye woke right up, just like I'd a-heard ye would."
"How dare you?" I cried, drawing a hand across my lips to try and erase the memory of this disgusting man's lips on mine.
"That's easy, love. I'm a pirate. We dare to do lots o' things," he said, spreading his hands as if to say, "Here I am, the pirate who dared to kiss a princess."
Then, he actually winked at me. I was so astounded at his insolence that I couldn't speak for a very long moment.
But I made up for my delay when I did reply.
"You horrible, disgusting, filthy, thieving, intolerable fiend. Have you no morals at all? You could be hanged for touching me so, did you know that? And besides that, you're a pirate. You should be hanged for that to begin with. The moment I--"
"Now, calm down, princess. I don't mean ye no harm. In fact, I'll even refrain from robbing ye seeing as ye think I've done ye an indecency. How's that? I broke that curse for ye, didn't rob ye, and gave ye a little story to tell all yer courtier friends."
I don't think anyone has ever enraged me more in my life. I sputtered, trying to find the appropriate response to show him how terribly incensed I was.
"Well, best be a-goin' now. Pleased to make yer acquaintance, princess," Jack announced, leaping down off the edge of my pedestal and heading for the door.
I hadn't dismissed him! I struggled to untangle myself from my satin covers so that I could stand to demand where he was going.
"C...captain," I called, throwing the bothersome covers aside and getting to my feet, "I did not give you leave to return from whence you came."
"See, that's just it, princess. We pirates don't exactly obey all the 'rules,'" Jack said, turning so that he could send another smirk my way.
"Well, I never," I finally exclaimed with a dignified huff, placing my hands on my hips.
"Precisely. And ye most likely never will again. Farewell," Jack said and disappeared from my chambers.
I thought about going after him, but knew that there was no way I was going to reduce myself to chasing after some filthy pirate. So, instead I went to my balcony to yell a parting threat at the horrible man.
"My father's navy will hang you someday," I called to him when he finally appeared outside the tower.
"They'll have to catch me first," he replied, unconcerned as he gave me a clearly derisive bow.
Oh, I truly hated that pirate.
"Filthy pirate," I yelled, but he was already running back to his ship docked in the nearby cove.
I truly hoped that I would never see the likes of him again, that dreadful man, Captain Jack Sparrow.