Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: A short post-Chosen fic. Buffy sits down to confess a few things to Spike.
Author's Notes: So I've been listening non-stop to new Backstreet Boys material, and I have a clip of this song "Just Want You To Know"… And I just had to use it as the basis for a ficlet. I know it's short, and probably crappy (I wrote it at 3am), but here it is… Hope you enjoy.
Also, if anyone's interested, I can send you the clip of the song this story was based around. Just e-mail me at I'll send it to you as soon as possible… And now I'm going to use this space to shamelessly promote the new Backstreet album, Never Gone. If you're at all interested, the album will be released on June 14th, and I personally feel it's their best yet. I've heard most of it, and I'm incredibly impressed. It is amazing. If you're interested but apprehensive about purchasing it before you've had a chance to preview the material, again, e-mail me at the above address and I can send you a few clips…
Distribution: If you want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if you could, let me know where it's going.
Just Want You To Know:
She sits, just staring. Not sure what to do… What to say. Talking to him never had been easy, but now…
Now she just doesn't know what to do.
It hurts… It hurts her so badly to know that he's gone. To know that, no matter what she does, she can't bring him back…
And she can't put him out of her mind.
There's a monument to him here. It was Giles' suggestion. He had felt so guilty about the attempt on Spike's life… He had been determined to do something, anything that would help to ease the Slayer's pain…
So here it was. She was sitting in the grass, in a garden that Giles had had put in for her… Before a rather large, double white lilac bush, in front of which sat a beautiful marble stone:
He saved her world.
Her eyes welled as she read the stone once more. As time went by, it only got harder…
Gently, her fingers traced over the letters of his name, before moving to rest on her slightly swollen stomach. A single, lonely tear slid from the corner of her eye, as she stared. Still not sure where to start… Not sure if he would even hear her.
"I miss you…" No, maybe it wasn't the most original, but it was how she felt. "I've never stopped missing you. And I do love you… More than you'll ever know. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to tell you…" She paused for a moment, her eyes falling shut as she carefully considered her next words, her hand still caressing her full belly. "But we'll be okay. I miss you like crazy, and I always will, but we'll be okay… As long as you're watching over us."
With a smile, her eyes raised to the sky. "I've decided on a name… Miracle. Because she is, you know. Our miracle… I just wish you were here with us.
"Everyone's been so supportive. I was surprised, at first. I certainly didn't expect a good reaction from Xander… But I got it. He's excited, in fact. I think losing Anya really woke him up to the fact that it doesn't matter who you love, as long as you love… Even he misses you… We all do.
"Sometimes I wish it was me." Her voice broke as she spoke; tears threatening to fall at any moment. "You had so much more to offer the world... You were a Champion… My Champion. I know that probably doesn't mean much now, but you were. You didn't just save the world; you saved my world. Without you, I wouldn't be here right now… Without you, I would have fallen a long time ago… You were my strength, my heart... My soul. You were my everything. In those final hours, you were all I had to hold on to… You saved my world. And for that, I will never be able to thank you enough…"
As a few tears escaped, she let a tiny smile slip. "I think they're already trying to set me up. Before now, it probably would've pissed me off… But right now, I just don't have the energy to be angry with them. They have the best of intentions, I know they do… But it's too soon. Way too soon. They keep telling me that our little girl needs a father… And I keep telling them that she already has one. We don't need a stranger in our lives. Really, I think it should just be Miracle and I… At least for awhile.
"It's funny… She's not even here yet, and I already know I could never live without her. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much. Our child is everything to me. And she a fighter…" At that, she let out a light giggle and a bright smile slipped over her lips. "I was run through with a sword, and yet, she's still here… And perfectly healthy, no less. God, everything about this amazes me. I never thought I would ever be a mommy. I mean, I'm a Slayer… We're not exactly destined for childbearing… Not to mention the fact that you're not actually supposed to be capable of reproduction… And still, here I am. Carrying your baby… The only thing that could make it better would be having you here with me… But I know that's not possible. So we'll make it through… One way or another, we'll make it through…"
Letting her fingers caress her swollen belly, she smiled softly to herself. "I just want you to know that I've been trying my best to let you go… To stop grieving. But it's hard. The days are the easiest; I know how to keep myself busy… But the nights kill me. There're nights that feel like they'll never end. I wish I could believe that you'll come back to me… But I can't… Because I know it's impossible… I just want you to know, that I'd do it all again. All of it…" She paused for just a moment, as her tears began to flow freely from her eyes. "I love you…
We love you."