Disclaimer: Not mine. It's a fact I have to live with every day...

A/N: Ok, so, now that school's over, I have been going through my notebook and finding all the stuff I wrote when I was bored in class. I have a lot more than I thought... Anyhow, I couldn't resist this one. Set anytime before Jack makes General. Oh, and another thing... SCREW THE REGS. :) Thanks, and enjoy...

Eating Candles

"Thanks for coming, Sir, but I'm just teaching."

Colonel O'Neill leaned back in his 2IC's swivel chair. "Carter, you've got a stalker. I'm not letting you go anywhere alone." He looked out over the classroom, where students were just trying to trickle in. "So, what do you think, going to be fun?"

She smiled. "Yes, Sir. Even if it's only for one day, it's nice to be molding the minds of young people."

"Remind me again how you ended up doing this?"

"My friend, Professor Walker, is at the hospital. His wife just gave birth. He asked if I'd fill in for him." Sam perched on the edge of the desk to look at the lesson plan. "Observation. Cool. You know, to teach us observation, our teacher walked into the room with a candle and ate it."

Jack looked up from the rubber band he'd been fiddling with. "Eww."

She smiled at him. "Well, yes, Sir, but he proved his point, that not everything is as it seems."

"Oh. That makes sense, I guess." He glanced down at her open laptop. "Hey, Carter..."

"Yes, Sir. You can play games on my computer. Just let me close this." She leaned over his shoulder to use the touch pad, only to be brought up short by the whispers of the students who had practically filled the classroom.

"How'd the professor get such a hot girlfriend?"

"Look at the name on the board. Sam Carter... and he's wearing camo!"

"Wonder why we have a sub?"

"Wonder why he's hitting on students?"

Jack almost choked, and the look on Sam's face was priceless. Then, she smiled evilly. "Sir, I think I know what to do. Want to help?"


"Settle down, people." Jack leaned on the podium. Sam was sitting in the middle row, chatting and flirting with the other college kids around her. She dropped a lazy wink at him, and he smiled back, looking down at the notes she'd quickly written for him.

"Professor Walker is currently at the hospital with his wife and newborn baby." There was a smattering of 'aww's. "So, today, you're learning something easy yet difficult. Observation."

There was muttering.

"You think you know how to observe?" A general murmur of ascent. "Ok, let's test it. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to pick a random person to come up here. Then, after you've observed us both, someone is going to tell us what you have deduced, what you know, and what you think. Then, we'll both give detailed descriptions of ourselves, touching on all the points you made, and we can see how well you did." He looked around the room, pretending to look for a random student. Of course, he pointed to Sam. "You." She came up to the front of the room and leaned against the chalkboard. Jack turned back to the class. "Ok, people. Observe."

After a few minutes, one of the guys raised his hand. "Let me try."

"Sure. Me first, and don't forget to say how you came to the conclusion."

"Ok. Your name is Sam Carter; it says so on the board. It also says you have a PhD. You're in the military, hence the outfit and dog tags. And, you have a thing for younger women; you were flirting with her before class."

"Ok, what about her?" Jack was ready to pound the guy into the ground.

"Her name is Jackie O'Neill, she told me earlier. She also mentioned that she's got a father in the military. She won't date me because she says I'm too young for her, so she likes older men." The young man sat down, a smug look on his face.

"Interesting." The class was now curious to see how he'd done. Jack turned to Sam. "Care to introduce yourself?"

She grinned widely. "The thing about observation is that people lie. If you'd been looking at my neck, not my chest," pointed look at the obnoxious guy, "you would have seen MY dog tags. My name is not Jackie O'Neill. My name is Major Samantha Carter, US Air force. I have a PhD in theoretical astrophysics, and I'm married." Weird boy frowned. "But yes, I do have a think for older guys. Everyone, meet my husband, Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF." She gestured at Jack, who grinned.

"Hi! I'm Jack O'Neill, Colonel in the Air Force. I work in deep space radar telemetry with my oh-so-brilliant wife, and she is your teacher. I'm just here for the hell of it." He shrugged. "What can I say? Staring at computers gets boring."

The obnoxious one spoke up. "If you're married, where are the wedding bands?"

Sam pulled her dog tags out from under her sweater. "On our fingers, they get in the way of the delicate equipment we work with. This way, we don't have to take them off every day." She looked around and smiled at all the open mouths. "Any questions?"

A/N: By the way, that candle thing? My 9th grade science teacher actually did that. He said that we didn't see a candle, we saw something that looked like a candle, and we assumed. It was really informative, actually.