Disclaimer: Farscape is owned by the Jim Henson Company and the grand high Mucky Mucks. I am not making any money from this and no copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: PG or PG-13

Timeline: Between "Promises" and 'Twice Shy"

Summary: Aeryn finds a letter from John.

Author's Notes: This is a re-post since the original post seems to have been lost in a Dodo's nest. The only changes should be typo corrections.

Feedback: Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thank you everyone and"DekotaSkye," "Florida Redleg," and "DEESWAR," for reading and reviewing the first posting.

"The Letter"

He drew her to him. Just the sound of his voice could pull at her. Aeryn made her way down Moya's corridor, following the sound of John's voice. The sounds of his breathing and soft grunts were punctuated by the heavy sound of bare fists and feet hitting the practice dummy.

Aeryn stopped at the open doorway of the practice chamber. Inside, John punched, and kicked, and turned, working with the red practice dummy. He had taken off not only his shoes, but his vest and shirt as well. The clothing lay in a small pile to the side of the room. On top of the clothing, rested John's journal with a small pen.

Aeryn watched John, for once not denying herself the pleasure of drinking in the sight of him. She was fascinated by the way his muscles worked beneath his skin; the way his fluid movements flowed like water; the breadth of his shoulders and the strength of his arms. She knew what it was like to be in those arms, and she missed it so much sometimes, she ached.

"You're dropping your shoulder too soon," she said as she stepped into the chamber.

John said nothing, but the next time he turned and punched out, he held his shoulder up longer in the movement, connecting more solidly with the red dummy.

"What do you want, Aeryn?" John asked her, still working through his fighting forms.

After a moment, Aeryn answered, "I don't know really. I thought maybe we could talk."

"I don't want to talk."

She raised an eyebrow in surprise at his statement. "Crichton, not wanting to talk?" Aeryn thought, almost not knowing what to make of it.

"All right then, no talk," she replied as she took off her boots and set them aside. She adjusted the zipper of her black leather vest, opening it a little more to help keep her cool, and walked over to Crichton.

John finally stopped his work-out and stood facing Aeryn for a moment.


"John," she replied in kind.

"Aeryn, I don't want to do this with you."

"Do what, John?"

"This," he said gesturing to indicate something between them. "This, Aeryn."

He turned his back on her and took a step toward the small pile of his things. Aeryn captured his hand to stop him, and John whirled, causing them both to spin until they faced one another. Aeryn dropped his hand and looked him in the eye.

John shook his head, "Enough, Aeryn," and started to try to brush past her right shoulder.

Aeryn let him step part way, then she spun counter-clockwise, dropping as she did so, and stretching her long leg out in a sweep. John avoided her leg sweep by diving forward and tucking into a roll so that he could regain his footing quickly and face her.

Aeryn stood facing John in a 'ready' stance.

"What are you doing, Aeryn?"

"You said no talking, fine, no talking," she replied.

Aeryn kicked out high with her foot, and John captured it only at the last minute. It didn't phase Aeryn though. She simply dropped and rolled, pulling John down and over her head. He landed on his back on the mat behind her. Aeryn tried to get to her feet and turn to him, but John twisted on his back, sweeping his feet to catch at hers and bring Aeryn down. This time, she landed on her back on the mats. But Aeryn rolled quickly, and they were soon both on their feet facing each other.

Aeryn kicked out, but John managed to avoid the flat of her foot connecting with his torso.

"You're dropping your hip too soon," John said.

John stepped in, trying to grapple Aeryn, but she got an elbow jab into his torso, and turned clockwise around his right shoulder to re-position herself.

"What are we doing, Aeryn?" John asked, panting slightly from the sparring match

"I...I don't know, John; following fate, the stars?" Aeryn risked answering, her breath also coming in small pants.

"Fate is a coin toss, Aeryn," John said, a note of anguish in his voice.

"I came back," she replied quietly,

"Too late," John whispered as he turned to walk away.

"Don't walk away from me, John," Aeryn said, reaching to grab his hand.

As she grabbed his right hand, John spun, taking her with him. They wrestled a moment before they finally tumbled to the ground. John lay on his back with Aeryn straddling his hips. Her long raven hair cascaded down, brushing his bare chest, tickling it.

For a moment, they were motionless. John lost himself in the depths of Aeryn's sapphire eyes, and she returned his crystal blue gaze with an intensity and passion that took his breath away. Suddenly, John reached for her, his hands going to her head, drawing her down for a kiss. It was a hungry, passionate kiss as his hands moved from her head to wrap around her, drawing her down on top of him.

Aeryn surrendered to the desire that moved her. She reveled in the feel of John's arms around her once more. She slid her hands up from his waist, along his bare chest, and slipped them behind his shoulders. John's mouth moved to Aeryn's neck as they rolled and he brought her under him. His hands went to the zipper on her vest. Suddenly John stopped. He pulled himself away in surge of movement.

"No," he said fiercely, "No, Aeryn, I won't do this."

Aeryn rose from the floor, stepping toward John, reaching out.

"I can't do this, Aeryn."

She closed the distance. Gently, she placed her hand on his chest, over his rapidly beating heart.

"John," she whispered as she reached up to kiss him once more.

Irresistibly, John met her lips briefly before he pulled himself away once more.

Without another word, he gathered his clothes and journal. He did not notice the single loose piece of parchment paper that fluttered to the ground as he left.

Aeryn stared at John's retreating back, and thought about going after him. He paused once at the doorway, and Aeryn thought he might turn. She waited. But then, John squared his shoulders and left the room completely.

Alone, Aeryn walked over to pick up the piece of journal paper. Carefully, she read, "Dearest Aeryn, Oh god, Baby, I've tried to write this a hundred times, even though I don't know where you are, or if you'll ever be able to read this someday. I love you. You are my one true love, Baby. I miss you. I miss everything about you; the way you smile, holding you, laughing with you, crying with you, talking with you. I miss running my hands through your hair; touching you; and oh god, baby, do I miss kissing you. I could never get tired of kissing you, not if I lived forever with you near me.

And that's why this hurts so bad. That's why just breathing aches. It feels like my heart is gone; my soul. Because you see, Aeryn,you are my heart and soul. And I don't understand why you had to leave. I heard what you said that day, but still, I can't understand it.

And now Aeryn, I think of you, and our child. Yes, our child. Him, me, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I love you, and sight unseen, I love that baby. Oh god, Aeryn, I want to see you with our child. I want to promise that I will love you until the end of time, and I want to slip a gold band around your finger.

But that's not going to ever happen is it? You're gone and that's all there is to it. So... so I'm letting you go. I love you, I will always love you, but...Baby, this hurts too bad. I can't keep holding onto someone who's gone. Maybe, if I let you go, I can live with this love. Forever is a long time, Baby, and I'm going to love you forever..."

The letter trailed off.

Aeryn sank to the floor, the piece of parchment held tightly in her trembling hand, the tears flowing silently down her cheeks.

"John," she whispered, her voice aching, "come back to me. I love you." And she wept.