Here it is, at long last: the sequel! Sorry if this chapter sucks, and no offense to song fic lovers and writers. I love them, too, but I just could not resist the temptation of mockery. And, don't worry, the story gets better...MUCH better...

The Legend of Zelda: Hidden Fire

Who Knows?



Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Link stood with Aryll on the dock of Outset Island. The young girl was crying softly, but her older brother merely stood there staring out at the ocean with a straight face.

"Big brother...why do you have to leave?" Aryll asked.

There was a moment of silence before she recieved her reply.

"Well...for a number of reasons, I guess... Pirates have a lot of money ripe for the picking, and then going with them gives me a higher chance of killing them. Get the picture? Oh, and partly because I was drunk when I agreed to it..." Link replied with a shrug.

"Oh," Aryll said as she stopped crying.

"Ok, Aryll...remember what we went over?" Link asked.

Aryll nodded.

"Yes. If Orca and Sturgeon ever try to find out who set their house on fire again, and they ask me if it was you..."

"You say...?"

"I did it!"

Why do you look so familiar?

I could swear that I have seen your face before

I think I like that you seem sincere

I think I'd like to get to know you a little bit more

Not so long after the "Link and Aryll" episode, the boy was busy packing his things, while his grandma threw confetti around. Grandma was getting pretty sick of Link, and that's only natural when you've been stuck living with him for like, his whole life. But Link didn't really mind, 'cause he was pretty sick of his grandmother. too. Ah, the bonds of family...

I think there's something more

Life's worth living for

"You know, this reminds me of the day you left to save Aryll..." Grandma said. "Except there's one difference. Back then, I missed you and didn't want you to leave, but now, I can't wait for you to pack up your things and get your ass out my door!"

"Damn, I hate you, old woman..." Link muttered. "What did I ever do to you!"

"Admit it! I know that you know that I know that you know that I know you stole all my money!"

Link smirked at the memory and stood up straight.

"And I'd do it again, too, but, of course, you don't have a pension or anything like that because everyone shuns you because we all know you're destined to burn in hell!"

Who knows what could happen

Do what you do

Just keep on laughin'

One thing's true

There's always a brand new day

I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Before Link's grandma could reply, the front door swung open, and can you guess who stood in the doorway? Tetra, the one and only!

"Link, get your ass out here. We gotta go over a few things," she said.

Link glared at her.

"Make me..."

Tetra whipped out her dagger and pointed it at Link's crotch.

"So, tell me, Link... Do you know what it's wake up with yours twig and berries missing one morning?"

Grandma began to laugh, while Link blushed and stormed out the front door after Tetra.

"Ok...well, Link, I must admit, I don't have the biggest ship on the sea, so we're in a little bit of trouble space-wise... So, where do you plan on sleeping, exactly?" Tetra asked.

How do you always have an opinion?

Link blinked.


And how do you always find the best way to compromise?

"Wait, I have an idea!" Tetra said.

Link glared at her expectantly.

"You and Gonzo can share a bed! He'd like that!"

"Fuck you, bitch! I'm not sleeping with one of your sweaty, overweight bitches!"

"Maybe you can sleep on the floor?"


"Well, Link, you have two options: the floor, or in the same cot with one of the other pirates..."

We don't need to have a reason

After reluctantly giving Tetra his answer, Link sat in Aryll's watchtower trying to find better, more convincing reasons to go with the pirates, for he was changing his mind...

After all, he thought. I need some reason to go...

We don't need anything

We're just wasting time

I think there's something more

Life's worth living for

Finally realizing how fucked up things were at the time, Link began to cry. Ha ha!

Who knows what could happen

Do what you do

Just keep on laughin'

One thing's true

There's always a brand new day

I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

(Ok, I ran out of things to put in between the rest of the lines of the song, so, right now, I'm just gonna put the rest of the lyrics down and get on with the mother fuckin' story!)

Find yourself

'Cause I can't find you

Be yourself

Who are you?

Find yourself

'Cause I can't find you

Be yourself

Who are you?

Who knows what could happen

Do what you do

Just keep on laughin'

One thing's true

There's always a brand new day

I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

So you go

And make it happen

Do your best

Just keep on laughin'

I'm telling you

There's always a brand new day

(And then there's the chorus again, somethin' like that, blah blah blah, God didn't make me to do song fics so this intro probably sucked, so NOW here comes the good shit! ENJOY!)

A few minutes before departure, Link stood with his grandma near their house.

"Even though I don't care that you're leaving, this is still rather sentimental for me... It brings back memories of the day you were concieved..." she said.

"Um, couldn't you go with a better story, like, the day I was born or something like that?" Link asked.

"No, because I don't remember the day you were born."

"But you were there!"

"Well, I forgot anyway. I just remember the day you were concieved."

"Grandma, don't tell me about it!"

"SHUT UP, BOY! It all started when your parents were really, really, drunk. Then they just decided to do eachother doggy-style on the floor, and your father wasn't wearing a condom! They did it with so much passion... And I watched them do it the whole time! So, basically, you were an accident!"

Link looked nauseous.

"Did I tell you how much I hate you?" he growled.

"That's ok, because after you're gone, we're replacing you with a poodle anyway!" Grandma retorted. "Oh, and while I'm at it, I might as well tell you...I lied about how your parents really died... They actually had some bad pills or something, and that killed them. I buried them in the backyard, but I didn't want to scare you, so I spread ketchup all over the floor and told you that a bear ate them instead, and that if you ever disobeyed me, the bear would come and destroy everyone and everything you held dear, then it would eat you, too. And then, while I was at it, I told you that the bear raped your mom and dad before it killed them."

"HA!" Link said. "I already found out that that was a lie when I was digging in the backyard for money yesterday!"

"ARE YOU READY, LINK?" Tetra called.

Link turned to look at her, and took a deep breath.

"If I really, really have to..."

Tetra pointed her dagger at Link's crotch again.

"Uh, never been more ready!" he said hurriedly, running to the ship.

But he was stopped along the way when Aryll grabbed onto his legs, wailing.


Link rolled his eyes.

"What do you want from me? I'll write to you!" he said.


"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"DON'T LEAVE!" Aryll wailed.

"Ok, would you feel if I told you that Grandma was replacing me with a poodle?" Link asked.

"Ooooh, a poodle!" Aryll said, running off to their grandmother.

Link shrugged, and climbed aboard slowly. You see, he couldn't take his boat because the night after he'd returned from his previous mission, he'd gotten totally wasted and set the King of Red Lions on fire. The residents of Outset Island all gave him their goodbyes. Well, actually, they all gave him the finger and shouted about how they'd replace him with various fuzzy animals.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU!" Link yelled, giving them the finger back.

Tetra and the rest of the pirates stood watching, very much amused.

At last, the boat drifted away from the shores of Outset, and soon enough, it was nothing more than a small piece of shit on the horizon... Link was leaving his home, his family, and his enemies behind, and heading out on a new adventure... But, little did he know, that adventure would soon become the journey of a lifetime...