Sry it's taken sooooo long! School's hectic...and dramatic. But please review as always...
-lain and missie
So, today, I'm sitting at my desk, minding my own damn business when I was viciously attacked by my boss.
Vickie (as she INSISTS we call her): Oh Nevvi!
She throws her arms around my neck and kisses each of my cheeks. Mind you, she's practically laying on my desk, and she reeks of the most expensive perfume in in the world. My papers still radiate A essência de da Cor da alfazema, which is just a fancy way of saying, 'I just sold the soul of my first born child for a perfume that smells like ass'.
Me: Victor- I mean, Vickie, how pleasant it is to see you. Is that a new perfume?
That's right. I, Ginny 'Nevvi' Molly Weasley, am an ass kisser to the highest degree.
Vickie, obviously pleased: Why, yes. It's a new scent our Portuguese branch, A Feiticeira Esperta, wanted me to try. I have another bottle if you want some.
Me: No thanks. I'll just settle for plain old Lover's Mist from Victoria's Secret.
Vickie: Victoria's what?
Vickie: Anyway, I wanted to give you tonight's assignment. (She laid a few files on my desk) It's an American retro-seventies club, and my source said it's to die for. Your first article will be on this club, Psychedelic. This papers will tell you everything you need to know, and I got you four tickets for tonight.
Me: Okay, thanks…
After she and her horrid perfume left me alone, I flipped through the files. It's a club that requires 'proper dress', whatever the hell that means. Goodness, I don't know what the seventies clothes styles were like in England, let alone across the pond. And what in Merlin's name is the difference between bootlegged pants and bellbottoms? And why would I want them in white? The last time I wore white pants was, well, during puberty and we've already established that was a bad time for me…
The outside looked like any normal club, but the minute we got inside we were surrounded by incense smoke and neon colored lights. Brightly colored bean bag chairs were strewn around in clumps, forming conversation corners, each complete with a low coffee table. The DJ was blaring old 'hippie' music, and the bar was a giant, sliver peace sign.
Lavender bought the first round of drinks, pink cosmos, and we sat in one of the little conversation corners.
Lav: At least they make a good cosmo.
Me: Why must you always match?
She was wearing a hot pink go-go dress with huge, white polka dots, pink platform boots and pink fishnets. Remind me to never ask her where she shops… Then again, I didn't look that great in my white bellbottom/bootleg pants and a bright orange peasant top. Did I mention orange clothes and red hair clash? Very, very horribly, might I add.
Lav: It's an anal retentive quality.
Me: You are anal. And I bet you couldn't spell that to save your life.
She stabbed me with the toothpick from her drink and scowled, but I didn't care. Alcohol, pissy friends, roaring club, nothing could make this any better. Until they announced it was happy hour.
Someone up there loves me.
I recounted the oh-too-embarrassing story of my brothers and the shrink's office to them, and Hermione laughed so hard, her drink came out her nose.
Me: Hermione! That's revolting!
Lav, mockingly: You are revolting. And I bet you couldn't spell that to save your life.
Dr Holier than thou would have been proud. Instead of stooping to her level and stabbing her with a toothpick, I stood and walked away. Actually, it was more of a run because I threw my alcohol laden cherry at her. But her whole outfit was pink so it wasn't like anyone would notice a bit of a pink stain anyway.
So, while running as fast as my six inch platform boots would allow, I bumped (more like slammed) into someone.
She introduced herself as Daffodil. I recognized her as one of the barmaids up front, and when I asked her if she worked there, she said yes. We chatted for a bit, before someone called her name. She pushed a piece of paper into my hand and we parted ways.
Sponsored by Psychedelic, Burrow & Associates OB/GYN and Stila Inc.
Where: Landow Park
When: August 29
Why: To celebrate the wonders of being a woman
Make sure to bring: Camping supplies, hiking gear, sleeping bag
Invite everyone you know!
'The wonders of being a woman'. Yeah, sure.
Love, the woman who convinced her friends to go on a retreat celebrating monthly visitors, bra shopping and the obsessive urge to eat chocolate all the time,
Lavender just did the worst thing ever.
So we're in a store buying a sleeping bag (which why couldn't we take a quilt? Or even better, stay in a hotel! I mean, I'm all for nature, but there's a difference between liking something and being obsessed. I think this had crossed the line) when Lavender becomes convinced there is something on her butt.
Lav: Ginny, is there anything on my butt?
She sticks it out and looks back at me expectantly.
Lav: You didn't even look!
Me: I am not checking you out. I'm straight and there isn't anything on your butt.
She sticks it out further and pouts. I sigh, and against my better judgment, I look down. Lavender's butt is so much smaller than mine. I bet it would fit into those new pants I just bought even though there's no hope of me fitting into them…
So while I'm staring at her butt, someone comes up and sees us.
Merlin knows that person just happens to be Harry.
I look up and there's Harry staring at us. He seemed to be frozen in shock, but before I could explain, Lavender puts her arm around me.
Lav: Do you have a problem with us?
He stumbled back and Lavender led me out of the store.
Me: Lavender! What the hell?
Lav: Please, every man's fantasy is girl on girl. If he thinks his leaving made you come to me, think of how much he's going to want you back.
Me: Please, now he's never going to do anything because he thinks we're in a relationship! If I was going to convert, I'd go to someone with a bigger ass than me!
Lav: I'm insulted!
We screamed for a couple more moments before she publicly declared our relationship dead. Good.
I was walking up to the Burrow with Lav to have some tea with my Mum when suddenly a squirrel fell out of a tree. It scared the shite out of me. Lav just stared. Now usually they just get up and scamper up the tree again. But OH NO! Not this bloody squirrel. It started having some freaky epileptic seizure!
Lav: OH MY GOD!
Me: What's happening?
It was like flying off the ground and twisting at odd angles. Then suddenly…it stopped.
Lav: Is it dead?
Me: I dunno…
Lav: Go look…
Me: NO WAY!
I walked up to it. It looked dead. But then it suddenly started seizing again! Bloody hell! I jumped and screamed. I tripped over my own feet and fell on-into the arms of someone very male.
Harry: Woah Gin! You okay?
Me, terrified: Oh! Harry! It's the epileptic squirrel!
Harry: Ginny…Have you miss placed your medication again?
Me: Harry I'm serious! Look just there!
Harry looked at it, made a face., and levitated it to the dustbin. Thank God it's gone.
Love the girl that just met her first ever epileptic squirrel,
P.S. The epileptic squirrel thing totally happened to my bio teacher. He showed us a slide show. It was creepy...