Ok, i got this idea at 10 at night while driving home listening to the original cast PotO cd, and while listening to Past the Point of No Return my mind was like "I can imagine Roy singing this" then "and Ed totally freaking out.' Pairings are totally cannon, but some day i will write fic not so! Just as soon as i'm done with this one.


Ed stormed into Roy's office a tower (as much of a tower as the short alchemist could be) of anger. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" he cried, burnishing a sheet of paper in the colonel's face.

"It appears to be some sort of order," the man replied, appearing to be unfazed. "To ... " he had to bit his lip from laughing insanely. Oh, the irony. "To take part in the play... in the role of a "Christine ' person..."

"WHY THE HELL IS THERE EVEN A PLAY GOING ON IN THE FIRST PLACE? AND WHY THE HELL AM I CAST AS A GIRL?"

"The play is because the Fuhrer decided we needed to have something to do to keep busy," and for his own sick amusement, Roy added to himself. "And as to why you're cast as a girl... Well, you aren't that bad looking and there aren't many females in this unit... Besides, your short enough to play a girl."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO BE SEEN ON A STAGE!"

"Please, Full metal, stop yelling. My head is pounding as it is."

Growling, Ed stalked over to the couch and collapsed into it. "So." he snarled, clearly put out. "What's this stupid play about?"

Roy frowned down at the script on his desk. "Apparently it's about an opera house in Paris... Where ever that is. Anyway, there's a Phantom haunting the place, and when new managers come, he kidnaps a promising young singer, and seduces her, because he was apparently the one who taught her to sing. Meanwhile, her childhood sweetheart comes back and strikes up a romance with her. I guess that doesn't go down with the Phantom person, because there's a lot of meddling and falling chandeliers."

The one thought going through Roy's head at the moment (well, there were two, but he didn't want to dwell on the second) was how much he wanted to kill the Fuhrer at that second.

Painfully.

Ed winced. "So... let me guess. Christine is the young singer." The colonel nodded. "And I take it she has to kiss both the phantom and her childhood sweetheart?" Another nod from the colonel. "Great. So, how the hell do I have to..." He winced again. "Kiss?"

"Welllllll..." Roy drew the word out.

"Well what?"

"I'm not sure who plays the childhood sweetheart yet- his name is Raoul by the way- but I do know who plays the phantom..."

"Who?"

"Me."

In all the years that Ed had been with the unit, none of them had heard yells as loud as the ones coming form the colonel's door at that moment.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Al watched his brother pace ill naturedly. "Of all the- why the hell are we doing this stupid thing anyway? Who the hell cast us! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO PLAY A GIRL!" The suit of amour wisely decided to stay silent.

After Ed had ranted himself out and was lying sprawled across his bed, Al ventured, "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I HAVE TO KISS ROY!"

Well, that answered that question.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

On the first day of 'rehearsal', the unit gathered in the mess hall. Most people had already gotten their character, and somewhat to Ed's surprise, Winery was there. 'Hi Ed! Hi Al!" she beamed. "I was invited to do the play with you guys since I was in town!"

After everyone had settled down as much as they could, Roy cleared his throat. "For some reason, the Fuhrer's decided we should put on a production of this play, entitled, Phantom of the Opera. In four month's time, we will perform it for him, as well as any of his friends he brings, and assorted other people who buy tickets." Ed paled. He was going to have to be a girl in front of people? "Now, I know you all know who you shall be playing-"

"And who are you playing?" Havoc asked.

"Why," Roy smirked. "The title character, of course." A blush threatened to invade Ed's face, but he fought it off. Damn Fuhrer. "So, lets get started with this then," the colonel looked about as over-joyed as Ed did at the prospect.

It turned out that they didn't have a Raoul yet, so they simply started with the scenes that didn't need him. Al and Havoc played the two new managers, with Hawkeye as the ballet mistress, Madame Giry. Armstrong played Christine's friend, originally called Meg, but there was no way they could pass Armstrong off for a girl, so they changed it to Mike. Winery was the diva, with some odd name no one could say at first, and Fuerygot to be her husband, a fact that earned a few twitches, mostly from the Elric brothers. Then Roy and Ed as the phantom and Christine.

Ed nearly had a heart attack the first time he read through the script. One, he was supposed to SING! He never sang in front of people. And two, all the times he would have to do...such as kiss Roy. That fact nagged at him through the whole reading, even before he got to that part. Well, at least it was just one kiss. But the man was always going to be touching him!

The pervert!

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

The first day of real rehearsing started out badly, with Havoc almost setting fire to the colonel's uniform and Ed arriving late (he'd been in the bathroom trying to stop himself from going insane). Yet, amazingly enough, the rest of that day wasn't that bad. They started out with Hughes standing in for Raoul until someone else could be found.

The unit stumbled through the first scene, and soon enough Ed found it was his turn to sing. He tripped over half the words and was off key (he could not sing that high!) but all considered, didn't do that bad. It shocked many of the unit how well the boy could sing. Havoc joked that it was especially amazing considering how short he was, but took the comment back quick enough.

They stopped just short of the phantom's entrance. Winery came bounding up when the Elric brothers were just preparing to leave.

"Jee, I didn't know you could sing so high, Winery," Al ventured.

"Oh, yeah. I took a few lessons a couple years ago. Say, Ed, how's your arm doing?"

"Fine."

"Oh." Neither brother commented on the quiet "Darn," that followed.

"Do you want to come back with us?" Al asked. "I think something's up with my chest plate, it seems loose."

Ed smiled after the two as they walked away, promising to follow shortly. How like Al, to think up problems so Winery could have something to fix.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

During the second day they started off with the scene where Roy made his grand entrance, smoke included. The elder Elric was spacing off somewhat when the colonel began singing, but his mind came zooming back to focus as soon as he heard Roy's voice. It was... dark. Deep, compelling. It was... Pain. Seconds later, Ed couldn't remember what the hell he was supposed to say, and couldn't read the printed words in his hand. The glance Roy turned on him got him to remember though.

It wasn't until a few days later that anything happened. It was after the chandelier fall, and when Christine and Raoul retreated to the rooftop. Hughes still sang \ Raoul's part. After nearly having a second heart attack, Ed refused to go on. "I AM NOT KISSING HIM!" he screamed.

Roy smirked. "You don't have to."

"What?" Ed glared at him. "What do you mean by that?"

The colonel shrugged. "Just don't kiss during rehersal."

"Oh."

So, they didn't kiss. It was still hell for Ed though. He had a feeling he was going to die when it came time for Christine and the Phantom to kiss.


Twisted mind, ne? lotr, please don't kill me. More coming someday..