sniff... So sad that it's all over… thanks for reviewing, and Happy Summer to everyone:D
Oh, little warning: This chapter is more of an M than a T. Just so you know.
For the next few months, Jesse, understandably, kept a sort of tight leash on me. It got annoying, but I knew why he was doing it—so I let him. He wanted to trust me, but I had crushed him when I told him about Paul and me. So I let him call me up and check on me whenever I was out with anyone other than him or Cee Cee and Adam, and I let him be a bit possessive of me around other guys. I had dug my own grave, and I kept telling myself that he was only trying to help me out of it.
We were both working hard on "communication," too. That sounds like we're an old married couple. But Jesse felt really bad about sending me on a head trip and making me feel ugly and unwanted, when, he assured me, that was the complete opposite of what he felt. So he thought we should both be more honest with our feelings.
Things were weird at first… but as time went on, we got back to the same level of closeness that we had before the Incident… the Incident being that horrible weekend. Eventually, things got better, and we were closer and, well, more in love than we'd ever been.
Paul kept bugging me, though, for about a week or two. He called, showed up at school, and tried his best to tell me how sorry he was, and how he really did love me. However, after multiple "Screw yous" and "Go aways" from both Jesse, Cee Cee (who heard the whole story, and was fairly sympathetic, after she yelled herself hoarse at me), and, of course, me. Looking back, I don't know why I forgave Paul. Cee Cee said that he preyed on my weaknesses and insecurities, what with the constant, "You're so beautiful" remarks, when I was feeling so unwanted by Jesse. After he left me alone, I heard somewhere that he started going out with Laura again, then a string of other girls.
By the time summer came, though, my, er, infidelity was a thing of the past. Though it was one of the best few months of my life, it was bittersweet because I knew Jesse would be leaving.
Not permanently. He was accepted to all of the colleges he applied to as Pre-med, and chose one about an hour and fifteen minutes away. It was up closer to his parents' house, so he would be living there and commuting the 20 minutes or so to the university.
He promised to come back whenever he had a free few hours, and he would stay at his aunt and uncle's house most weekends—sort of alternating the set up they'd had during high school.
Which is why I was over at his house on an August night, 4 days or so before he moved back in with his family. I was helping him pack.
"God, Jesse, how many books do you have?" I asked teasingly as I shoved them all into cardboard boxes.
"Not enough," he replied as he packed up his clothes. "One can never have enough books."
"Jesse, you already have, like, a thousand!" I said, as I sealed the 5th box of books.
"More like eight hundred," he laughed.
About fifteen minutes later, after hauling the (extremely heavy) boxes of books out to his car, I collapsed on the bed. He fell down next to me. As we both lay, just staring at the ceiling, he reached over and took my hand and squeezed it gently.
"I can't believe you're leaving in a few days," I said, as I moved my eyes from the white ceiling to him. He turned to look at me.
"I know, Querida. But we will see each other on weekends."
"But I see you once a day now," I said sadly. He lifted our entwined hands and brought them to his lips.
"I know. I will miss you… but it could be a lot worse. I'm very grateful that I got accepted to local schools… I don't know what I'd do if I had to go to school hours away, or even worse, on the east coast." I shuddered at the idea of him being 3000 miles away.
"I'll still miss you," I said, rolling onto my side to face him completely. He did the same, and closed the space between us with his lips.
What started out as an innocent, loving kiss soon became full of passion and emotion. Neither of us wanted him to be leaving so soon, even if he would be back most weekends. No more spontaneous after school trips to the beach, no more hanging out (and making out) until ten—my curfew and when his aunt and uncle got home.
His hands cradled my face he kissed me. My arms were wrapped around him in a tight embrace, wanting to be as close to him as possible. We rolled over, so that I was lying on my back again and he was on top. I shivered delightfully as his hands slowly ran down my arms and sides to my hips, where his hands held me firmly.
I moved my hands down to his chest, and unbuttoned a few of the buttons, and slipped my hands underneath, feeling his smooth, hard skin and the muscle underneath. He felt so good…he was so warm…
Until he pulled away, breathing raggedly. "Susannah," he panted, looking down at me solemnly.
"Sorry, Jesse," I said. I removed my hands.
I had promised Jesse that I would try my best not to get carried away and tempt him to do things he didn't want to do.
I guess I crossed that line.
I started to sit up, but he stopped me.
"No, Querida, it's not that." Oh…? "Susannah… if you want to… I am ready. I want to." His vagueness didn't matter, because I knew exactly what he was talking about, and why he didn't go into specifics (he knew about my dislike of the phrase 'making love.' And 'I want to have sex' just didn't seem appropriate).
"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want this to be a spur-of-the-moment thing… and judging by the way I felt his, er, lower body, against my leg, I was afraid he was thinking and making his decisions with the "other" male brain.
"I have wanted to, and been ready, for a while… but the timing wasn't right," he breathed into my neck. It made my whole body shiver and react. "And I didn't want to bring it up until we had the opportunity."
"What… about… Elena… and Jose?" I asked, with difficulty. He had started gently nibbling my earlobe, which actually sounds sort of weird, but feels amazing..
My mother has fallen in love with Jesse, and decided that he'd never try to compromise my purity—not that it's still in tact, but whatever. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. She trusts Jesse so much, she actually lets me sleep over occasionally—she'd been to the house once, to pick me up, and knew the intimacy of its layout. If his aunt and uncle are home, then there's no way we would be able to do anything inappropriate without them knowing.
Plus, I promised I'd always sleep on the couch.
Anyway, tonight was one of those nights, when she granted me permission to stay over night. She didn't like Jesse driving me home after dark, since some of the roads between his house and mine are sort of curvy and dangerous, and she knew that we wouldn't be done packing until well after eleven.
What neither of us knew, though, was that Jesse was home alone all night… if she knew, I doubt she'd let me go over in the first place, even in daylight. Which is probably why he didn't mention anything.
"They are at his sister's house for the night. His niece turned 10 today…They won't be back until after ten or so tomorrow morning," he murmured, bringing me back to the bedroom, and away from thoughts of my mom. He was almost inaudible, but because of the proximity to my ear, I heard him loud and clear.
And resumed unbuttoning his shirt.
He chuckled, and moved his lips back to my mouth. His hands slipped under the hem of my shirt, tickling the skin underneath as his fingers made gentle trails upwards.
"Oh… Jesse…" I gasped, as his fingers found their way under my bra. With a knowledge of women's undergarments I didn't expect, he found and undid the clasp without any difficulty. He then moved to my tee-shirt, peeling it off hurriedly with a surprising prowess. "Whoa, there," I teased, breathing heavily. "We have all night." He laughed, and did slow down a bit.
"I'm sorry, Querida, but whenever I'm around you, it is so difficult to keep myself from tearing the clothes off your body," he said hoarsely, as he finally removed all of the clothing on my upper body, "and ravishing you."
He leaned on his elbow for only a moment, looking at me with love and, well, lust, and continued speaking… in between kisses. "And now…being able to… is making me… very happy."
With those words he took his lips down my neck, and collarbone, and chest, and with those last words…
"Oh my God," I moaned, delving my hands into Jesse's hair as his lips and tongue did miraculous things I never thought he would do. Who knew he could get so… aroused? And get me the same way?
I regained my composure enough to push his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders. His skin felt hot against mine, and so, so good. I dragged my fingers across his chest, causing him to shiver.
I rolled over, pushing him onto his back. I sat up, straddling his legs. I suddenly felt déjà vu, and realized that I was in this position when Jesse had stopped me the first time—but this time, his face showed no sign of regret or inner dilemma…he was just looking at me with an appreciative smile.
It might have been because I wasn't wearing anything above the waistline of my jeans, though.
Anyway, he was only looking at me with a welcome expression on his face as I started unbuttoning and unzippering his pants. Until his eyes closed and his face screwed up—in pleasure, I think—when, in attempts to pull down the zipper, my hand brushed against him. Well, since this seemed to make him feel good, I decided to brush my hand against him a few more times.
However, after a few moments of Jesse moaning my name (which was very gratifying), what I really wanted was to get his pants off. So I resumed, with his help, pulling them off. He then pulled me on top of him, back into a lying down position, and kissed me. This time the kiss was much slower and deeper than our previous quick, desperate ones. We both wrapped our arms around each other, pressing our bodies close together.
I was amazed at how comfortable I felt with him, how much I loved him. I'd never felt so strongly about anyone, and just being there, in Jesse's arms, kissing him, was the most perfect feeling in the world.
However, because of our, uh, excited state, our hormones took over again, and his hands went down to my jeans, and started messing with the zipper. With a little bit of help on my part, I was soon down to my underwear.
I loved the feeling of our legs just tangled up together (thank God I shaved that morning), lying on his bed kissing and holding each other. It was marvelous.
It got even better when Jesse carefully started to pull down my low-rise bikini underwear. I stopped breathing altogether, and just watched him as he slowly took away my last piece of clothing. He, too, was holding his breath, because when I was finally completely naked he let it out as he admired my unclothed body. I didn't really think it was worthy of the appreciative look he was giving me, but whatever floats his boat.
"Oh, Querida, you're so beautiful," he murmured, bringing one hand up to caress my cheek.
"You're not so bad yourself," I said in my own eloquent way, before pulling his face back to mine. However, after a few moments of kissing, I figured the playing field wasn't fair. I mean, here I was, naked, but he still had his boxers on.
So I started to take them off.
He seemed only the slightest bit nervous, but I figured it was because this was the first time he'd actually been "full frontal" with a girl.
Besides, you know, his mom. When he was a baby. But I doubt he cared much then.
Finally, he was as naked as I was. I sat back (since I was still on top) and looked at him, with a little smile on my face.
I KNOW it's wrong. I KNOW it's what every guy dreads. I KNOW being compared to Paul was something Jesse was desperately afraid of.
But upon admiring his statuesque, perfect, god-like body, I couldn't help comparing Jesse and Paul. I couldn't help but notice Jesse was, well, bigger than Paul was.
Eventually, though, Jesse interrupted my observations and pulled me back down to him, and rolled over so that his weight was on top of me, but it wasn't at all uncomfortable (unlike the time Adam pounced on me as a joke one day at the beach…and Adam weighs less, too). He was leaning on his elbows, which framed my chest, while his hands gently brushed a few strands of hair out of my face.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing me gently. I kissed him back more forcefully, and curled my leg around his hip.
And then, after only a moment's hesitation… we were, well, having sex. (Again with the terrible cliché phobia, this was the only adequate wording I could come up with).
At first, it hurt a bit. I mean, I'm not a virgin, but I only had sex once, several months ago. But, Jesse seemed to be enjoying it, if his moan of "Oh, Querida," into my mouth at the moment he entered me was to be proof. And knowing that I was giving him happiness and ecstasy was completely worth the discomfort, and gave me a completely different sense of pleasure I didn't know was possible.
Jesse's hands slid underneath me, to the small of my back, and arched me into him. Both of our breathing was heavy and, well, sort of erotic.
As Jesse's hands pressed me against him and caressed me, and his lips continued to mutter fantastic things in my ears in Spanish (they sounded sort of dirty. Not that I knew, or anything.), the pain started ebbing away, and it all just seemed so wonderfully perfect, the two of us together in this way.
Eventually, though, it ended (spectacularly, though, I might add), and Jesse lay, collapsed on top of me. Both of us were breathing fast, unable to speak or move or anything except, well, breathe.
Eventually, though, Jesse's sort of raspy voice broke our silence. "Susannah… that was incredible."
"It was, wasn't it?" I panted. He kissed me slowly and gently, holding my face with the softest grip imaginable.
"Te amo, Querida," he whispered.
And, with those words, I knew that this night would end completely different than a night about four months ago with a different person. This wasn't just a one time thing; I just knew that this was the first night together of many.
And I absolutely couldn't wait.
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Please review… and if not for this chapter, then for the story. Even if you haven't reviewed before, let me know what you think.
It's been fun, and though I have no immediate plans for another story, we'll see what happens… perhaps I will be struck with inspiration. Thanks so much to all my reviewers—you rock :D