Disclaimer: Eva and all the fuck up characters are property of Gainax.


Asuka realized that Shinji was different lately. Not vastly different like he took steroids and put on twice his weight and start bringing home floozy cheerleaders to bang. It was subtle enough that only a person who lives with him would notice.

Shinji was a pussy. No doubt about it. He will bend when you push hard enough. Most of the time, you only have to snap your fingers to get his attention and he would come scrambling to your feet like a loyal servant.

Asuka knew this fact and she had it committed to her head. She also acknowledged the fact, albeit grudgingly that Shinji bend not because he enjoyed being a slave to beautiful women. The lame ass mecha pilot did it to avoid conflict with anyone. It was only matter of circumstances that made him looked like a nice doggy to all of Nerv females. Shinji would try to please even an average looking woman. It was only by chances that the sole male pilot worked closely with women of supermodel quality.

When Shinji started to show signs of resistant, it piqued Asuka curiosity. Of course, Shinji did not refuse her outright. It began with small rebellion. On occasion, Shinji would ignore Asuka's order to switch off the tap, which she left flowing. She knew he was faking it as he laid on his bed listening to whatever he listened to and pretended he was lost in his music.

Sometimes, she would ask her roommate to cook her something. When there was no reply from Shinji after a minute of screaming from her room. She would barge into Shinji's lovely suite and demanded his attention with unholy wrath. There, she would find Shinji at his desk, typing on his computer with his headsets on. His head banging slightly to the tune unheard to her as Shinji's hand moved across the keyboard. Then he would notice her.

Shinji would put on an unsurprised face, glare at Asuka for a moment before returning to the monitor. From the door, Asuka couldn't see what Shinji was doing on the computer but she could guess it was a website interface of sort, maybe an email page. Shinji would lock the computer in standby mode before pulling the headsets to rest on his shoulder.

Only when these act of atrocities against the goddess Asuka was all done, only the mighty mecha pilot would address her.

"Yes?" The intent look Shinji had when he was focused a while ago was replaced with a bored one. There were dark rings around his eyes.

Asuka was angered. Not because it took so long to get Shinji's attention but the lackluster in his reply. She expected her subject to obey her commands with enthusiasm. Shinji used to be a zealot who would come to her beckon with the fear of god in his eyes. Now, Shinji looks more like a heretic to her. Someone who willingly renounced his or her god.

"Sure took you long enough." Asuka spitted. She put a hand on her curvy hips and lean against the open door. She prepped herself for a coy smile. She knew what to come.

"I... I am busy." Shinji scored 1000 on the scale of unsatisfactory answer.

Asuka slammed her fist of potent mecha pilot rage on the wall. She was beyond pissed. Shinji was supposed to apologize to his goddess. It was meant for him to grovel and beg at her feet. She expected full obedience and Shinji would give it willingly. Then she would deliver her punishment. Shinji would accept it. And there would be peace. They will make up and everything will be nice and pretty again. It has always been like this.

Asuka stormed across the room with the fury of a hundred angels. She promised herself the boy would find new words to describe pain she would inflict on him.

"You apologize. Say sorry," Asuka threatened. She yanked the headset resting on Shinji's shoulder and threw it against the wall.

The brown haired mecha pilot remained calm despite the threat of physical violence. Asuka could hit him but she would not take what's important to him. Her anger would not win over his vacuum emptiness. This is a confrontation between a living Buddha and a Greek goddess on her warpath. She could inflict all the pain on him. She would make his bone scream but she this was a battle she couldn't win. She will never take the torture away from Shinji.

"Shut up when I'm talking to you," Shinji mumbled quickly. To Asuka, it sounded like garbled voice clip played backwards.

"What did you say?" Asuka held a fist back; ready to execute swift violence if his answer was not satisfactory. Shinji stared at Asuka blankly.

"Nothing. I will make you ramen. Now."

Shinji stood up from his seat and requested permission to move to the kitchen with a weak smile. Begrudgingly, Asuka had to abandon her prosecution to allow the mecha pilot. The red haired girl is a violent person but even she needs facts and evidence to backup her actions, no matter how frivolous.

Shinji had given her none. The usually apologetic boy had side stepped her attempt at conflict without even an implied apology. Asuka would have none of this. She would not concede victory until she has her war.

"Don't fuck with me, wuss-boy." Asuka said with a strangely calm voice, unlike her earlier openings.

"Going to kitchen. Making ramen. Not fucking with you." If the two were not back-to-back, Asuka would have noticed the mild confidence on Shinji's expression when he said his line in a humorous tone.


A warm water penguin slammed his fridge door shut as the little brother of his guardian walked out of his room. Experiences told him nothing good could come when the red haired girl decided to rush into his room and demand his attention. The last time it happened, the fridge he was in was used as a war hammer to clobber the poor boy into the ground. Pen Pen thought about calling PETA for assistance but decided against it after much pondering. Asuka would probably murder them all in a freak accident involving Eva's.

When Shinji has his SDAT on, the world is all right. He could find peace everywhere and anytime at all. Even his dad will be cake when he got his music directed straight into his eardrum. Asuka would be reduced to an annoying ant at worst. Life is so sweet when it's depressing. He knew it didn't make sense. Nothing does. However, this beautiful western music blasting from his headphones, it was something else. He couldn't get most of the lyrics due to its metaphorical meaning. Besides, he wasn't that good in English to start with but it did not stop him from enjoying its content.

It was ironic that piloting Evangelion would provide him with important insights to life. All the pain and confusion in the heat of battle was stored in his head with no outlet to express his feelings. He couldn't get Rei to talk about it. Shinji tried, but Rei was just indifferent to it. If she had an effective way to dealing with problems, she sure wasn't sharing. In a way, Ayanami was even a worse companion to have compared to Asuka.

With Asuka, you knew what will come if you talk about your problems to her. Asuka would just brag about how she would take it easy and win every time. It's formulaic with her. Her solution to everything was to kick a lot of ass, even with problems that requires no action.

Shinji was determined that the enigmatic blue haired girl has a common solution to his problems. Her ability to deal with anything was plain crazy. Rei Ayanami was the sort of person who can sleep through a hurricane and look absolutely fabulous in the aftermath. She would then give interviews in her sexy silk pajamas and wow the world with her amazing grace.

Shinji wish she would impart some of her secrets to him. He didn't wish to be supercool or popular, just be able to deal with problems are more than sufficient. Sometimes, Shinji felt so desperate that he wanted to kidnap her, tie her up and beg her to divulge her secrets before Section Two could find them.

However, fortune smiled upon young Ikari and he has no more need for that selfish bitch Ayanami and her lofty ways. He has found his secret techniques to deal with problems. What he couldn't deal with, he will fight it with his newfound powers. Angst. Self torture. Paranoia.

Equipped with the knowledge preached in the gaijin music, which he treated like the Koran, Shinji now saw the world in a monochromatic black. He was sad once, but no longer. Everything that was depressing was now beautiful. He was once worried that people might take advantage of his naive self, but all they have now was his deep black soul. They are free to have it. The devil wouldn't take it for two cents.

In the twisted mind of Shinji Ikari, Ayanami is the perfect symbol of symbiosis with her surroundings. She knew everything would turn on her and fuck her in her sweet virgin pussy when she was not looking. If anyone actually thought that he or she is able to inflict pain on her, it is only because she allows it. Rei has a fanatic zeal when it comes to destroying everything that could lead to emotional or physical attachment. She would kill a puppy dog like an infidel if it grows on her. As she had been gifted with such ethereal beauty, her life has become a crusade to crush all who falls for her.


Shinji removed two sticks of carrots from the polystyrene container and slice it up. He allowed a wispy sigh to escape his lips as his hand moved with machine precision, chopping up the carrots with equal width, each and every slice. He wished that he had half the fuel for angst as Rei did. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't conjure the sense of bleakness that surrounded Rei. She could bend down, pick up a book and the whole world would dry up and became dust. Everything she does was just full of lyrical beauty of unknown quantity.

The boiling water ejected Shinji from the beach with grey sands he imagined himself sitting within. He smiled as he scoop up the bits of carrots and onions with the side of the knife and sprinkled it into the pot. His beautiful source of anger will be fed soon. Asuka will regain her strength and plot vengeance against him again.


"Iwanttofuckrei."

Another Windows error message greeted Asuka.

"That dickweed must has something perverted as his password," Asuka wondered. She ran a hand through her silky red hair and tried again.

"Misatoishot."

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch if he really use this," Asuka muttered to the monitor.

"Fuckinggoddessasuka." In reality, Asuka was peeved that Shinji didn't use it as his Windows password.

She scanned the room for immediate clues but Shinji, no matter how ridiculously boring he was, couldn't possibly use "Mitsubishiceilingfan" or "Devastatingblandwall" as a password. Shinji was plain as a paper but he wasn't insane. But that was just what Asuka believed.

As the great Asuka was getting ready to lie on Shinji's bed and do disgusting stuff like sniffing his pillow, she noticed a CD jewel case lying on the mattress. She picked it up with the edge of her thumb and index finger as it could be pornography and coated with Shinji's mansauce. To her dismay, her opportunity to enslave the boy was not there. The CD features a graffiti styled cover art of a man with butterfly wings. The title looked like kanji characters on first look. It was printed with bold, thick lines and arranged closely like a signature. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was English.

"Asuka, the ramen's ready!" Shinji called from the living room.

Ignorant of the CD's role in Shinji's recent changes, she dropped it where it was found and waltzed into the kitchen like a princess.


A/N: Formatted for better reading experience.