A/N: Severus Snape will always be my favorite character and that's all that I have to say.
Vomit and Useful Little Mistakes
Severus Snape had never been so furious in all of his life. He was so used to being "large and in charge" that he found his present circumstances to be a valid reason to believe that Merlin himself reserved the utmost loathing just for him.
It seemed as if little Gryffindors were blotching his eyes like little stars after being hit on the head with a blunt instrument.
First he saw them in that most repulsive portrait guard, "The Fat Lady". No, he would not necessarily think them gluttonous, per say, but foolhardy and brave enough to eat more than their little stomachs could handle? Ha! They probably thought it a challenge! A dangerous feat! At least that Longbottom boy had succeeded at something. The rotund little walking blunder…
In the red and gold of the Weasley twins' scarves he felt rather than saw their good, little intentions. The warm colors, you see, were obviously symbolic of their "warm hearts".
And then in the common room, he saw them smiling. With sincerity.
And playing their games and doing their homework and talking to their friends and sitting by the fire and –
…staring directly at him.
Severus felt his nerves churning around in his stomach, his stomach steadily entering his throat…and then…and then….
"Its, okay," he heard one of the insufferable Weasleys inform the room in a matter-of-fact tone. "He's not dangerous. You can tell by the way he just sicked-up all over that plotted plant."
"That was my HERBOLOGY project!" Severus heard the Longbottom boy cry out, and when he forced his head up to glare at the fool through blurry eyes, he saw the round figure back away slowly and heard him say, in a softer voice, "but, erm…you can use it as a toilet if you want, Professor Snape."
Severus snorted haughtily and hung his head back over the plant in the most dignified and aristocratic manner he could muster, releasing one more wave of sick as if to say, you bet your arse I can.
"It seems," one of the Weasleys spoke up over the nonexistent chatter, his voice louder than necessary. "that George and I have made a big and, most likely, unforgivable mistake."
Loud protests followed the admission, but were quieted when the other Weasley waved his hand. "Now, now you lot. Even we can make mistakes."
As if to prove their point, the twins both jerked their heads towards Severus, who in turn, took a seat on the ground much like he had in the headmaster's office and sulked.
"Now, although he's not really a professor anymore," Fred (Severus could differentiate just for the moment) began "we expect you to treat him kindly. He might still be a raging gi-"
The portrait hole swung open again and Percy Weasley walked through, his chest puffed out impressively, his Head Boy badge gleaming as if it had just been freshly polished.
"What are you all standing around for?" he demanded, seeing the pale faces of those under his authority staring blankly back at him. "What in Merlin's name is going on here?" He swung around to look at his identical younger brothers. "What have you two done? And who's that boy?" He looked down with an air of superiority at Severus. "You're not a Gryffindor." Then, noticing the now-putrid plant that Neville Longbottom had been raising since seed, he crinkled up his nose in disgust. "Have you been sick?"
"Thirty points from Gryffindor for your lack of sympathy," Severus snapped. Then, feeling that that wasn't enough, added, "And five more…because your badge is too shiny."
Fred and George laughed heartily at this but stopped at the stunned faced around him. "Oh, don't worry," they said together. "He can't really take off points."
Severus noted one of his second years had his hand raised a bit timidly in the air. Percy was still staring at him, his mouth gaping wide open.
"Yes, Colin?" George asked pleasantly.
"You…You are...but it can't be…" Percy was murmuring, his hand partially covering his mouth as he stared at the dark-headed boy in wonder.
"Can I take a picture of him?" the boy asked, holding up a camera excitedly. "I've never seen Professor Snape as a little bloke before!"
"No!" Severus snapped. The boy lowersed his camera, his bright eyes suddenly downcast. "And never, ever refer to me as a 'little bloke' again. I'm older than you, you foul, nosy little-"
"That's enough of that," Fred interjected, patting Severus on the head in a most demeaning manner.
"You're…you're…" Percy was saying, looking absolutely horrified.
"Yes, yes, Perce" George said impatiently. "He's the kindly old Potions Master in boyhood form."
"I'm not old!" the Potions Master protested.
"Well, you're not kind really, either, are you?" Fred said, smiling at Severus fondly.
"SHOW SOME RESPECT!" Percy suddenly bellowed. It seemed he had had enough of acting the part of the ignorant older brother for the time being. "He's a professor for Merlin's sake!"
"Oh, do shut up," Severus spat, climbing to his feet. "And clean up my sick," he added, pointing to the potted plant. "Longbottom needs to pass at least one class to stay in Hogwarts, doesn't he?"
"But…but..." Percy spluttered. "You could easily do it yourself!"
"Yes, but you see, I don't want to," the boy hissed in an icy voice that made Percy feel like an idiot and reminded the rest of the room that this awkward teenager was indeed Severus Snape. "Now clean it, you imbecile."
With a muttered incantation, a swish of his wand, and a red flush of humiliation, Percy did as he was told. He stumbled off a moment later, muttering abusive things about cold-hearted little boys under his breath.
The common room broke out into a fresh wave of chatter as Fred and George turned matching, beaming smiles on this suddenly very useful mistake.
"We really like you," they said simply, moving so that one was on either side of the boy. Severus felt an arm sling overboth of his shoulders and wondered, a feeling of dread rising from his toes to his head, if Merlin had somehow found an emotion that ran deeper and darker than hate.
A/N: This was obviously hurried. I just needed something to make me feel better.