I made a promise,
That I would never shed a tear,
I was strong enough
Some say this world is filled with sadness, sorrow, despair. Some waste their lives living in a fear conjured from the blank perpetuity of their minds.
I rubbed my arm in a fluid movement, starring off into the distance beyond like I had never seen it before. My position was oddly relaxed, a hint of uneasiness hanging off the swollen eyes. There was no breeze, but I shivered all the same.
"Hey Raven." I jumped as a hand touched my shoulder gently from behind. I shunned away on instinct, clutching myself with a desperate grasp. Head bent towards the ground, tendrils of hair brushed across my face, shielding my emotions once more.
"…..." As if ashamed, my body shook involuntarily holding a sob from within. Beast Boy stood his ground.
"You didn't do anything wrong." He sat down, elbows on his knees as he tossed stones into the water one by one.
"You're truly amazing Raven." his voice had calmed down from its normal pitch, eyes sparkling. "You sacrificed a lot today."
I couldn't refrain from biting my lip.
I could have done more
I could have saved her...
I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not, but I could have sworn I saw him flinch.
"My eyes have stayed dry this whole time." Over the quiet waves, I still dared not look him in the face. "Do you know why?"
I shook my head, fingering the edges of my white coat. It blended with the moon's reflection, shinning down upon the lake in a rough outline along the edges.
"Terra didn't deserve that type of imprisonment Rae. I knew her better than anyone else. She was a spirit born wild and free. Terra's been dieing for a while Raven," from the corner of my eye I noticed his head held high, pointed towards the heavens, "She was dieing the most painful death anyone could inflict upon her. She's at peace now…in a better place."
He stopped, a harsh choked sob discharging from his voice. It held a newly defined quiver, something I had never heard before. It drew my gaze his way and at the same moment his head looked up. Our eyes met.
"I never said it-t-t to her, but now I know. I loved her. I loved her like I never had before. She was such a beautiful soul cor-r-rupted by evil itself. I…I….I" I could see his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.
"Arggggg… I HATE YOU SLADE!"
His fist was driven in a boulder behind him, deep pants issuing from his mouth. His backbone was crumbling by the second, a small shake raking his body. I was frozen to my position starring avidly at his back. And slowly….ever so slowly… I walked towards him.
Beast Boy's ears perked up at the sound, fist still engrained in the boulder before him.
Before either of us knew what was happening, one of my arms had wrapped around his body. It was a soft gentle hug, if it could even be described as one, but the touch held a deeply rooted connection. I started to cry.
My tears soaked into his shoulder as I lay my head down, never breaking the bond. Hands intertwining, I let my body shake, rumble, and convulse against him.
"It took me this long to realize Raven, that it's about time to grow up."
I remained silent, his words to precious to break.
"It's about time…to realize our bodies don't last forever. That someday we will all die." He stopped in a minimal pause," I want to get to know you better Raven. I know there's something inside you don't want to share. I don't want you to be alone…not like Terra. Don't shield everything Rae. I don't want the events to repeat itself."
A lump gathered in my throat as I shifted positions. My sobs continued flowing freely.
"I couldn't be more proud of you Raven. Your powers are gone in sacrifice for her. I've never, never been so proud. I want to get to know the real you Raven, all emotions intact. Show me anger, happiness, sadness," he turned my way to brush the tears from my face, "wisdom, cunning, lov-"
He stopped in mid sentence, clearing his throat before continuing.
"I know it will take time Raven, but I want this to bring us together, as a team, as friends. It's what Terra would have wanted. It's what…it's what I want." He gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before starring off into the waters once more. "I know she can hear us Raven. I have a feeling…" before anything else could take place, he dropped to his knees in a desperate measure clasping his hands together.
"Watch over us Terra, please…watch over us." He continued to stay like that for a couple of minutes more, muttering soft words quietly under his breath that couldn't be heard. I sighed, face dry, placing my cloak around his form.
He was the youngest of us all, and yet he had been though so much. Just like we all had.
No one has any idea how much I wanted to hug him there, to cradle him in my arms as we watched the moon shine its protective light across the city. I wanted to huddle with my team and fall asleep, in hopes that I would remember nothing the next morning. No one knows how desperately I wanted to speak to him. In all my wonderings, I didn't even realize he was once again standing next to me. Shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart.
"I hope in time you will find you voice again Rae." He rubbed my cheek, before slowly making his way back up to the tower. I watched as he stuffed his hands in his pocket, and as Starfire and Robin pulled in on his motor cycle. I watched Cyborg greet the changeling, dragging him inside with one arm draped around his shoulder.
And then all was silent.
I was alone.
His remaining words echoed through my mind, casting a faint echo through my ears.
Perhaps hours past as I fingered the butterfly burette in my fingers, staring devotedly down at it. My throat was oddly dry, my body strangely still. I was composed, no matter how torn up I felt inside.
I was fully capable of talking.
But for some reason, I just…couldn't.
In a matter of speaking I was mute.
I was silent, and I never spoke a word.
It wasn't until I the rain drenched me in its fury
That I realized I had started crying once more.