Ok, almost been a year since I last updated this too o.O wow, im really behind! Ahh! So sorry guys, I really am! Anyways, I should be back on a regular every other week type thing. I have to go camping a lot over the summer, but I will also have a lot of time at home to try and get these stories updated, and finished so I can start off with some new ones . This one probably still has about 10 chapters left on it though, so PLEASE get the 5 reviews in fast so I can update pretty quickly on this one.
Chapter 10: Let Me Go
When I went to bed that night, all I could think of was Danny. How fortunate I had been to get him back, yet something was telling me nothing was back to normal again, and it never would be. He wasn't the Danny I had remembered him as being, he couldn't be that fun loving 14-year-old half ghost that I once knew him to be. Now everything was a secret, even of him being around, and it made everything a lot worse than I had planned. After all, Jazz and I were the only two that knew about it, and so far I was guessing that was as far as he was going with it all.
I could tell that Danny wasn't himself, and there was a certain feeling when I went around him that told me things weren't all right. Maybe it would have been best to let him go, but that was the farthest from my doing at the moment. I wanted to be with him again. Although now being a full ghost, there wasn't much I could do with him. I couldn't REALLY go out with him, or live a life with him or anything; he was gone, for good, at least to others. I couldn't have a life where we could be friends anymore, and in my future I couldn't marry him or go on with a normal life... which that's not saying I WANT to marry him or anything... I had just thought about it before.
As I lay there that night though, I began to realize how lucky I had come out to be. Sure things weren't going to be the same, and sure I still had to ACT like he was gone, but at least he wasn't really. I mean, I had to pretend as though things were wrong still, or my parents would wonder how I had come to be suddenly happy, or maybe they wouldn't bother asking and would just be happy that I was fine again. All I knew, was that it was going to take me forever to fall asleep, I wanted to be back with him again. After all, where was he going to at night anyways?
"Sam?" I heard someone say and jumped up, it was Danny. I sat up and looked around my room and he had come in through the window, this time though there was something telling me he wasn't happy. A sad look was around his face as he looked at me, but then he turned his head to the floor and I sat there waiting to see what was wrong, I didn't want to ask.
"I wanted to tell you..." he said looking up at me again, but he couldn't finish his sentence that way, so he looked in another direction.
"Yes?" I said so he would go on.
"I'm going... tell Jazz I'm sorry that I couldn't exactly... ya know, see her again, like I promised."
"Where are you going to? I mean, we can always have another..."
"I'm leaving Sam, I don't belong here anymore, I realized that... I'm not half human any longer and I..."
"You can't go Danny! What happened to what you had said before? Huh?" I said and I felt the tears forming in my eyes again from this sudden news, I didn't understand why he all the sudden had changed his mind, on the very same day everything seemed to be turning right again.
"Sam... I just can't stay. I'm not the same person I was before," he said, had he been thinking the way I had been as well?
"That doesn't matter Danny," I said standing up and walking towards him, and he just stood there silent for a second, as though trying to find another excuse as to why he had made his mind up on this all the sudden. Before he was so sure he wanted to stay here, he knew this was the right thing, yet now all the sudden his mind was pulled into another direction.
"You don't understand..." he said, and looked into my eyes, both of ours watery, why did he make this decision if it was going to hurt us both?
"What Danny?" I asked him, and he shook his head.
"Danny..." I said and he looked down, but then back up at me and sighed. I didn't understand what was wrong with him, but I did know one thing for sure, he definitely wasn't the same, and for all I knew, he might never be. But that doesn't matter, because just being able to look into his eyes and know he was still around was all I needed to make my day.
"Sam, you think you'll be happy this way… but…"
"But what Danny? You think I can't deal with living an unusual life? I HAVE been living an unusual life, and I can deal with it."
"Sam, you won't be able to deal with it… You can't deal with living with an invisible person you're whole life."
"You don't even know how easy that would be for me, do you? I feel invisible Danny. I feel like as though no one around me notices me. No one but you," I said through the tears, choking out every word. Although everything I said came out a little bit like as though I was mad, yet more of it was just my sadness falling out.
"Sam, you can change that, and you know you can. Living with me, you're going to be lonely. You'll never be able to get married, have kids, go places. With me you'd be stuck going everywhere everyone else isn't at."
"Which would be fine Danny, it would be perfect that way," I told him and reached out for him, he stood there still as I wrapped my arms around him.
"Please don't leave," I cried to him.
He lifted his arms up and placed them around me as well, but he was holding onto me much more loosely than I had been to him.
"Sam? Are you all right in there?" My mom asked me, and I pulled back away from Danny and sat on the edge of my bed. She opened up the door and Danny turned invisible, and left. He left, that was it, he wasn't coming back now, was he?
"Get out of here," I yelled at her and slammed the door in her face, than ran to the window.
"Danny?" I called out as loud as I could, but he was no where. This was it, I had nothing left in life… he just ruined it, because now his promise that he would always be there for me, was broken. He wasn't going to always be there for me, there was no way he was going to be there. He just left me, for good.
I went into my bathroom and grabbed out the razor, not thinking in one little way that killing myself wasn't going to be any better, yet in a way it would solve all my problems, wouldn't it? I pulled it apart so I could have one of them, and be able to cut my wrists; I was truly turning gothic now, wasn't I? I was truly that insane enough to kill myself, but why? Maybe it was because there was something in the back of my mind telling me that if I killed myself, I too could be dead, I too could be full ghost and live with Danny that way, right? It could work out that way, couldn't it? I placed it up against my skin, and closed my eyes, ready to dig it into my skin, but then it was ripped out of my hands. I looked up to see my mom standing above me. Great, just what I needed was for her to think I was loosing it all over again, right after things started to finally settle down.
"Sam, what do you think you're doing?" She asked me, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the bathroom, and she sat me down on my bed like as though I was a little kid.
"Nothing," I told her, although that wasn't nothing, I was close to ending my life, but I guess that right now that was what I really wanted. In yet, now that I realized it, I was cutting myself only to hope that Danny would be there to tell me no, because when it had been taken away I was hoping I would see Danny there. I thought it was Danny, and when I opened my eyes to see my mom it made me feel bad, it made me feel like as though I was holding onto a dream that wouldn't come true, and I was beginning to believe that's all I was doing.
"That wasn't nothing!" she yelled at me. And shook her head looking down at the ground. How did she know that I was doing that anyway? That whole thing about parents knowing what you were doing all the time really was true, but I didn't understand how it had happened.
"Come with me," she told me, and I followed her out of my room and down the stairs, where she sat down on the couch, and I sat down next to her, knowing that's what she wanted me to do. She didn't take me there to talk to me, but rather to let me know what she planned on doing about this. She picked up the phone and dialed a number, I knew what it was for, a psychologist.
"Yes, I would like to get my daughter a session for every day for the rest of the month?" she said, and there was silence as she waited for a return.
"All right, she'll be there," she said, and I slumped down in the chair. I looked at her when she hung up, and she smiled at me.
"We'll get all this fixed, finally," she reassured me, but I knew that was impossible. I knew for sure that she wasn't exactly helping me, she just though she was.
"Can I go to bed now?"
"Fine, but I'll be checking in, in a couple of minutes," she said and nodded in the direction of the stairs. I ran up them, and quickly began working on my escape. I grabbed out a purple and black backpack from my closet and quickly began stuffing it with clothes, and a blanket. I figured I couldn't sneak downstairs to grab food, but I could deal with that later. I finally had the thing filled, but my mom opened the door, and I pretended as though I was trying to sleep on the floor instead of my bed.
"Now what are you doing?" she asked me, and I sat up a little bit to look at her.
"Nothing, I was trying to fall asleep. I like the floor better."
"Get in bed, so I know where you are when I check in," she said glaring at me, and I sighed and got up on my bed, "Happy?"
"Night Samantha, see you tomorrow, or later tonight if you don't fall asleep quick enough."
Yeah, she wouldn't see me tomorrow, or later tonight because the second she closed the door I was out of here, and I wasn't going to return, I never wanted to return again. I knew where I was going to go, to the same place where Danny had been killed, to those very same fields. That's where he was returning, right? Well, at least Phantom would be there, maybe. She would know where Danny was, then everything would be resolved. I would go off, live with Danny forever, way far away from home, it would be perfect. Not really, I was once again thinking to highly about life, about what could really happen, that I didn't take the time to remember what he had just done for me, yet I was trying my hardest to get him back.
I picked up the bag, and started heading towards the window, and snuck out onto the balcony. There was always the issue of how I was going to make it from the balcony, to the fire escape stairs, but I could try and jump, if I fell, oh well, I could get my death wish like I wanted, right?
I walked to the ledge, and climbed over the side of the railing, facing towards the balcony. I sighed, and looked at the distance that was between the two of them, but I was ready for anything. I stood up on the ledge and almost lost my balance but gained it back again, and looked across one more time, trying to decide if I really was going to make it or not. I leaped off the side, and kept my eyes focused on the emergency escape, but I began falling before I made it to them. It looked like I really was going to loose my life that night after all…
Teenagers… what can I tell ya? Lol. No… im a
teenager.. I would never be able to do that, so ya know ;-) lol. But
anyways… 5 reviews please! Thank you!