When Old Ones get drunk

When Old Ones Get Drunk

Disclaimer: All of the characters of TDRS belong to Susan Cooper, and unfortunately the plot belongs to me.

~I love TDRS, but there isn't much fanfic in the section….so I had a brilliant idea! I'd write some! Well…um…I wanted to write a deep story with some meaning and a plot…but I ended up with this. Hope you like it, because I have no idea why I'm actually posting it. I was very hyper but bored when I wrote this, which is probably why it ended up as you see it now. This is supposed to cause temporary amusement, and is not to be taken seriously. Everyone is extremely OOC, (maybe because they're drunk….or supposed to be at least), and I'm extremely sorry for severely maiming Merriman during this fic. Happy reading!!


Will Stanton was bored. He was lying on the bed in his room, examining the hunting horn Merriman had given him a few days earlier on the completion of his quest. He put it down with a sigh, remembering the events of the past month. He chuckled softly as he remembered the celebration he had attended the night before the signs were joined.


The Old Ones had held a celebration at Ms. Greythorne's manor. Many of them were present, including Will and Merriman, and all of them were relieved that Will had completed his quest. There was nothing to fear from the Dark, for the Yell Hounds had driven them to the ends of the Earth. They were relaxed, and some "brilliant" Old One had decided to serve a strong alcoholic punch, which would have unfortunate consequences.

There were a variety of exotic foods, and a particularly delicious, and highly alcoholic, punch. Will, although in a sense he was far older than the drinking age, still didn't feel quite comfortable drinking alcohol, and so had decided to merely sip some water in the corner. It's a good thing he chose the water, for I shudder to think about the consequences if he had not.

As it turns out the punch was a bit stronger than anyone had expected, and extremely addicting. Although alcohol is not as potent to Old Ones as it is to Mortals, this was very strong liquor prepared by those of the Light, and each Old One had…one too many glasses of it, to say the least.

When Old Ones are drunk they do not slur their words or have a hard time walking a straight line. When drunk, Old Ones are…hyper. They use their power spontaneously, and may also do things that…they normally would never do.

After about an hour Will was…a bit worried. Actually that was probably the understatement of the century; right now Will Stanton was the only sober person in the room. This scared the hell out of him. At times he had wished that those of the Light would relax and loosen up…but this was going way too far. He threw up a hasty spell of protection (just in case!) around himself, and looked around.

Two Old Ones were yelling Words of Power in the general direction of a chair, which after about the first five exploded in a shower of toothpicks. Will retreated to a corner, extremely alarmed. The book of Gramarye said nothing about Old Ones who were drunk, and he knew of no sobering spells. A small group had "created" a chalice that automatically refilled itself once you had finished it. Unfortunately it refilled with the alcoholic punch, and because of this Will decided not to seek help from that corner. A few pairs of Old Ones were snogging on various pieces of furniture, and Will had the grace to look away, embarrassed. Two others were arguing over a golden cup, which they kept repeating was "the grail", and grew so angry that one of them threw himself at the other, and a brawl ensued, with a few other Old Ones joining in for the heck of it. Luckily they were physically fighting, no magic was being used.

Throughout the confusion Will had not seen Merriman, but when he glanced around he paused, and groaned. Merriman was standing on top of a table with a slightly insane look on his face, and Will sighed as some unidentifiable music began playing. His annoyance soon turned into astonishment and laughter as Merriman began a strip tease while singing "I'm to sexy for my cloak…to sexy for my cloak…" in his deep, baritone voice. Will, between snorts of laughter, paused and wondered where Merriman had heard that song. It also occurred to him that this would be perfect blackmail material, but decided against it. After Merriman began to unbutton his shirt Will decided that enough was enough however, he could not have his mentor make a complete fool of himself, although he doubted anyone, excluding himself, would remember what had happened this night. Will walked up and climbed on the table to stand next to Merriman.

Merriman paused in his singing to look at Will. "Hello Old One," he said smiling, as if they were two old friends who had casually met, instead of two Old Ones at a party where almost everyone was drunk, and the Oldest of the Old was performing a strip tease while singing at the top of his lungs. "What brings you to my table?"

Will paused, thinking. He had to get Merriman sober, but how? "Umm…the Black Rider is waiting for you in the kitchen. He says that…he wants you to be part of his boy band." After the words had left his mouth, Will mentally slapped himself, hard. Merriman, even if he was drunk, couldn't be that stupid…

Merlin looked down at the Youngest Old One, and raised a bushy eyebrow. "Does he really?" Merry paused, and shrugged. "Sounds suspicious, but I'd better check anyway." He hopped off the table, and went striding towards the kitchens, walking through brawling, singing, and snogging Old Ones. Will jumped off the table and quickly ran in the direction of the kitchens, hoping that Merriman hadn't beaten him to it and realized this was all a trick.

Will arrived, panting, a few seconds before Merriman. He racked his brain, and his newly acquired knowledge, but he had not solution for this problem. Merriman walked into the room, and looked around, confused, his eyes resting on Will. "Old One…"

Will took a deep breath and stood tall facing Merriman, both hands outstretched and fingers extended. He said a few words of Old Speech softly, and could only hope they would work. Merriman stared at him blankly, then shook his head, which reminded Will of a dog coming out of the water. He looked around, confused, and peered curiously at Will. "There had better be an explanation for this, Will Stanton…"

Will sighed, and it took all his self-control not to burst out laughing. "Oh, believe me, there is…". He told Merriman about the events of the last hour, particularly Merriman's interesting "performance". Will smirked as he saw a flicker of horror on Merriman's normally impassive face. He said "Don't worry, you never got farther than your shirt...I wouldn't have let you completely embarrass yourself."

Merriman cleared his throat, ignoring Will's last comment, and said in a troubled tone of voice, "This is worse than I thought. We cannot have drunken Old Ones wandering about. They could destroy everything…There is a substance that removes the alcohol from an Old One's blood, but he or she will not remember what they had done while they were drunk, or that they were drunk at all. This will be the easiest way, for to remove drunkenness from each Old One individually would take time, something we do not have vast quantities of." He rummaged around Ms. Greythorne's cabinet, and pulled out a package of an ordinary looking brown colored powder. "Now all we have to do it get them to drink this…"

Will and Merriman exited the kitchen carrying a large bowl of the punch, which contained the dissolved powder of course. As they brought it in the Old Ones stopped what they were doing, and congregated around the bowl. Will poured some of the mixture into cups and passed them around. After each Old One had drank a cup, nothing seemed to have happened. Will, in panic, whispered to Merriman, "Are you sure this will work?"

Merriman looked down on his with deep-set eyes, "Of course it will. Watch, and wait. In the meantime we must clean up this room." And with that he began muttering in Old Speech, pointing to an object and restoring in to how it originally appeared. Will sighed and began to help him. After a couple minutes the room was restored to its original neatness. About this time the Old Ones were acting like Merriman had a few minutes earlier; they were shaking their heads and looking around dazedly. Will looked at them pityingly, and Merriman raised his voice over the commotion.

"Old Ones, the joining will begin in a few hours. Return to your times and wait for the circle to be summoned."

As the last Old One, except for Ms. Greythorne of course, left through the Doors, and Will and Merriman were about to go through also, Merlin unexpectedly turned to Will Stanton and stared down at him compelligly.

"It would be best, Will Stanton, if you forgot what has happened this night, or at least do not mention it again."

Will smiled, and said with a faint glint of mischief in his eyes, "Of course not, Merriman. No one will ever know about your…interesting strip tease." At least, thought Will, not for a little while. Merriman rolled his eyes at Will and briskly strode forward through the doors. Will paused, but strode after his mentor, a malicious glint in his eye and an innocent smile on his face. Being a young boy was always fun…but being an Old One was more interesting by far.

~Thank you for spending your valuable time reading this not so valuable story. Please review, even if its to tell me how much it sucks!! =D Flames are not preferred, but I will have fun toasting marshmallows with them.