Disclaimer: A always I own nothing….maybe in the far future when camels will rule the world and all we'll be able to do is own stuff like Harry Potter…

A/N: again this something that popped into that lovely and creative brain of mine…after it came I couldn't stop from laughing my head off.

Without further ado I present you:

Queer Eye for the Hogwarts Guy!

6:45 am:

Five boys ran up the stairs of the Gryffindor Boys' dormitory and without even knocking stormed in to a half naked Harry Potter.


"Morning sunshine!" said the dark skin yet very charming Dean Thomas. "Today is you're lucky day, Harry dear."

"What in Merlin's name are you on about?" he asked in rage trying to keep his towel steady on his body.

"You Harry," said the ravishing Draco Malfoy and checked him out, "Are going to be rehabilitated

"Renewed-" Joined Terry Boot.

"Changed-" added Colin Creevy.

"And Improved-" included Zachariah Smith.

"For My sister Ginny!" Finished Ron with a cheerful grin.

"Ron! What the hell is going on? What is this circus?" he enraged at his redhead best friend. "Don't tell me it was you're idea?"

"Well…I did it for your own good and for my sister." His ears became dreadfully red. "Bloody Fred and George and their dumb ideas." He muttered.

"Don't be mad at this cute little red bunny, it's for the best, relax and go with flow." Said Terry and patted Ron back to show support.

Harry shrugged and sighed before he said a very weak, "Fine. Just don't make a mess."

"No Mess no Game, Potter. Let's start shall we?" brightened up the mood Colin. "Today Harry, you will be fashioned, groomed, redecorated, cultured, and food reinvented!"

"Oh My God! Have you seen this?" shrieked Zachariah as he looked through Harry's trunk and held in his hand red boxers with golden Snitches.

"Give me that!" Harry grabbed the boxers from his hands and blush covered his face.

"Where did you get those?" asked a very amused Dean as he looked around Harry's bed.

"Mrs. Weasley bought them for me over the summer, got problems with that?"

"Not at All, Sweetpea." Smiled Terry and saw the massive stash of candies and a few rotten sandwiches under Harry's bed. "My, you are just a filthy animal." Then he muttered something about spanking his undeniably firm-

"Hey, I can hear you Boot!" Terry gave him a naughty smile and returned to his mission.

"You know what, Harry, go put on some clothes and we'll start our day." Without any other commotion Harry got fully dressed (Much to Draco and Terry's protests) and prepared for the day.

8:30 am:

After having breakfast and making sure that Ginny wasn't around Harry, the Fab Five and Ron and Harry made their way for the carriage leading the way to Hogsmeade.

"First thing Harry, Dean is going to take you to this new and outrageous store for domestic stuff you know, whips chains-"

"Domestic, Colin, not dominatrix." Dean said and patted Harry's knee to reassure him.


9:00 am:

They arrived Hogsmeade just in time for Harry and Dean to run together with Ron to the new store for decorative households.

"Were in this new and fabulous store called Mahogany and as you can see it's got this amazing furniture and accessories to make your own little kissing spot to a snogging heaven." He winked at him and Harry laughed lightly and relaxed.

"You snog Ginny in our dorm? Sick sick sick!"

"Leave him to be, he's just jealous because 'Mione won't let him snog her unless it's on a weekend and unless he finished his homework." Harry teased and smirked at Ron.

10:15 am:

Leaving Ron and Dean to purchase the other things he needed for his small privet spot in the dormitory room, Harry was on his way to meet none other then Draco Malfoy to do his hair.

"Malfoy, you're gay?"

"Don't be such a drama queen, Potter, that's my job." He smiled and showed Harry the way they were going.

"I'm here, Potter, to help you and that lovely built up body-" he gave him the elevator look (A/N: you know the elevator look, it's when a guy checks you out from head to tow and from tow to head- stopping on you butt and of course chest.) and smirked slyly. "-of yours an upgrade. We'll make a man out of you!"

They walked over to Min's Beauty Parlor for Magic Men and Draco had Harry sitting in front of a mirror.

"Look at yourself, you're an animal! Your hair is mess-"

"It's always like that!"

"Skin of a smolder salamander-"

"I resent that!"

"Don't get me started on your porous."

"Because you're bloody perfect?"

"Look at me, Potter."

Harry stared at him and saw, perfect blond hair, smooth white skin, pointy chin and a very masculine body.

"Bloody hell, you are perfect."

"Of course I am, but let's not make a fuss over me, yet-" he winked playfully at Harry, "-today the fuss is all around you."

"What do you have in mind?" asked Harry with big amount of curiosity and fear for his head.

"First let's do something with this bird nest on your head-"

"Hey! I'm a fond of this bird nest!" Harry stroked his messy jet black hair and messed it some more.

"Of course you do, my little courageous Gryffindor, but I'm in charge here and I say-" he turned to Mini, the Parlor owner and head stylist. "Chop it!"

"What! No!" Harry jumped from his seat. "NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR! DO YOU HERE ME? NO ONE!"

"Don't get your knickers in a bloody twist, Potter, relax you're in safe hands." He smirked and signed Mini to approach. "Close your eyes, Pothead and try to make the best out of it, who knows you might like to look like a normal human being, in your terms of normal of course."

Harry huffed and mumbled a few curse words before he allowed himself to calm down and enjoy this treatment.

12:45 pm:

"You're alive!"

"Happy to see you too, Zachariah."

"As much as I love the chitchat part we need to get you something to wear tonight for the Ball."

He showed him the way to Gladrags Wizardwaer in order for Harry to have the benefit of the wide options he had of dressrobes and every day robes.

"What do you say about this?" Zachariah hold a shocking pink dressrobe.

"Now way I'm wearing that!"

"It's not for you it's for Me." he released a small laugh.

"If were already here, can we get something for Ginny too?"

"And they say chivalry is dead!" he whipped a fake tear. "You are a lovely little bugger."

"I know I am." He said confidently and browsed through the dressrobes.

"I think we created a Bogart."

"Tell me Zachariah." He took out dressrobe from it and showed him. "Does this mach my eyes?"

14:20 pm:

Harry was on his way back to Hogwarts where he was to meet Colin at the Room of Requirement.

He opened the door slowly and froze when he saw the sight in front of him.

"Surprise!" Colin yelled enthusiastically and grinned widely.

"What is this?"

"This-" said Colin and spread his arms "-is a ball room. And I'm-" he smiled broadly. "-going to be you're dance instructor!"

Harry considered for a moment to jump and strangle him, but he knew that Ginny cared about him. Colin was considered lucky.

Harry sighed heavily. "Where do we start?" he walked over to Colin.

"First, put your arms on my waist."

"I'm sorry; I thought I heard you say that I have put my arms on your waist."

"I did, now put them." Gulping very loud Harry placed his shaky arms on Colin's waist. "Give me your hand. Give it!" he gave his hand. "Good boy. Music! Now you see Harry, Ginny loves dancing she's an amazing dancer herself, oh and they way her make up is done and her clothes-"



"You're blabbering."

"Am I?"

"Big time."

"Oh well, let's get back to dancing." They swayed lightly to the music for a couple of minutes. "It will be nice if you'll kiss her while you dance, and whisper something sweet."

"Like what?"

"How about how beautiful she looks, or something like…how much you love her-"

"Do you really think she needs all that?"

"Every girl wants to hear those things, sometimes even a little boy." He winked and pinched Harry's butt.

"That's sexual harassment, you know!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell."

17:00 pm:

As Harry made his way to the Hogwarts kitchens to meet Terry but to his bed luck, he was late.

"You're late."

"No shit Sherlock."


"Sherl-never mind. What are we going to do?"

"That's the spirit; this is the easy part of the day. Since you don't have to cook for Ginny, I'm going to advise you about the food tonight."

"Terry, I can kiss you!"

"Sorry, love, I'm taken so don't start doing a cartwheel."

"I was being metaphorical."

"Of course you were. Okay, food! Ginny is a Weasley, she loves to eat, she loves sweets, she loves food."


"Hush Harry, I know what I'm doing. As I said before I was rudely interrupted, she loves food; therefore I thought it would be nice of you to know what will be severed tonight at the ball, it will be helpful for you and ease the evening."

"Yes, but you I don't think-"

"It's not your job to think it's mine." Terry looked at his wristwatch. "Peter Pl and Marry! You have to go and get ready for the Ball!"

"But it's only in two more hours!"

"You have to take a shower, dress, do your hair-"

"Alright I get it! I'm going I'm going!"

"You're not going anywhere lover boy, I'm coming with you, you have to see the changes we did."

"Oh dear..."

18:00 pm:

"Bloody hell! What did you do to my bed?"

"We redecorated it, sweetheart, don't you like it?"


"He's speechless! Good work boys!"

"Now remember Harry, shower, dry, jell form bottom to forehead and smile!"

"Brush your teeth!"

"Dress properly!"

"Be graceful, kiss her while dancing, and say something sweet."

"Eat well, help her choose her food."

They were still yelling advices as Harry closed the door on them; he took in a deep breath and panted.

"This is going to a very, very, long night."

A/N: you know you want to, you have to, or else I'll make you!