The Adventures of Captain Jack (and the Doctor and Rose, his rescue team).
Rose looked up from her magazine, eyebrow raised, to see the Doctor standing in the doorframe, leaning heavily against it as he gasped for breath.
"Been for a run?" she asked as she returned to her magazine.
"Lost Jack." He told her.
She didn't look up again. She'd been very accommodating, she thought, in letting the boys have the whole day to go off to some mechanics sale they'd been rambling about. Spare parts for the TARDIS, apparently. She'd settled herself in the warm kitchen with some magazines and some tea, and decided that if they got into any scrapes without her it was not her problem.
She sighed. "What?"
She sent a withering look his way. "I'm guessing it was you who got him into this mess; you can get him out. I'm quite happy here with Orlando, thanks." She brandished the magazine in his general direction.
"Seriously Rose come on, it's not funny. We have to go now."
"Go on then."
"I'm not stopping you." She waved a hand towards the door.
"You're unbelievable." He walked into the room and stood over her, talking rapidly and gesturing wildly with his sonic screwdriver. "He could be lying in a ditch somewhere unconscious, or locked up in a cell, or on a slave ship for all you know. He could be at death's door! He could be thinking, it's all right; Rose and the Doctor will save me! For all we know he's been taken by the Tean'nan mafia, hit over the head with a large metal object, only to wake up in a dingy room in chains being tortured by the female of the species –"
"Sounds like just his cup of tea."
"– how can you abandon him to a fate like that!"
"Like I said, I'm not stopping you."
The Doctor let out a strangled yell and stalked out of the door. Rose put her magazine down, casting one last longing look at Orlando, and sat up.
The Doctor stuck his head around the door.
"You were joking, weren't you…?"
"'Course," she grinned, jumping to her feet."Think I'd let you two have all the fun?"
As it so happened, Jack had indeed been hit over the head with a large metal object and taken by the Tean'nan mafia. He woke up, minus his t-shirt and sporting some interesting looking bruises on his chest, to find himself in a cage that was hanging from the ceiling of a large room vaguely resembling a medieval dungeon. He lifted his arms to test the weight of the chains that were attached to his wrists, considering his options. Across the room was the beautiful redhead that had tricked him in the first place, he realised.
"Bondage," he called over to her, ignoring the pounding he felt in the back of his skull. "Nice. I like it, really. But I'm a little tired – you know how it is. Got the most god-awful headache, it's the funniest thing. So if it's all the same to you, sweetheart…"
The woman laughed huskily, but said nothing.
"Okay, not a talker," he muttered to himself. He pulled at the chains slightly, but only succeeded in rocking the cage, producing an ominous creak from somewhere above him. He decided that keeping still would be by far the best course of action for now.
Arranging himself in what he considered to be the most comfortable position possible under the circumstances, he settled down to get a better look at his surroundings. On reflection, the room wasn't as large as he'd first thought, and he couldn't see anybody else besides the woman. She was sitting on a low sofa, apparently reading a magazine, sharp red nails flicking over the glossy pages.
What was it about red nails? he wondered idly. Rose never wore red nail polish. It was always the 'scarlet women' who had scarlet lips and nails. And – he blinked – eyes, in this case; eyes that were narrowed at him this very minute. He blinked again, and when he opened his eyes, the woman was as engrossed in her magazine as she had been before, ignoring Jack's presence.
She was sitting by a roaring fire, set in a large stone fireplace, that was casting a warm glow over the stone interior of the room. A rickety looking wooden table was resting in the far corner of the room, covered with several dark metal objects that made Jack feel decidedly uncomfortable. A shabby old armchair sat near this table, the worn leather reminding him for a moment of the Doctor and his jacket.
He tore his eyes away and fixed them on the wall opposite. They would come for him. If he couldn't figure out a way to get himself out of this cage first, they would come for him. His gaze drifted down to the redhead and he grinned. In the meantime, at least the view wasn't so bad…
"So, what exactly happened?" She was jogging along at his side, struggling to keep up with his long strides.
He snorted. "Woman, of course."
Rose grinned. "Good 'ole Ja – oooh!" she exclaimed, as the Doctor grabbed her wrist, dragging her off the road and ducking behind the dustbins that seemed to be the sole occupants of the alley.
"What – " The Doctor clamped a hand over her mouth, his other arm gripping her upper body, pinning her arms to her side. She wriggled a bit, but decided that he must have a good reason for the whole manoeuvre, and so relaxed and leaned back into him.
After a few long moments, she heard footsteps approaching from the opposite direction to that in which the Doctor had been taking her. She twisted round slightly to try and look at him.
"How did you hear that?" she hissed. She couldn't crane her neck enough to meet his eyes, it was too uncomfortable, so she contented herself with staring at his neck. It was rather a nice neck, actually…
"Better hearing than you, obviously," he murmured into her temple. "Alien, remember?"
The footsteps grew louder, and the Doctor placed his hand back over Rose's mouth, albeit more gently this time, evidently deciding that it was better to be safe than sorry.
"Liatia did well today." The voice was unexpected, but Rose felt the Doctor grin.
"Who've we got?" The second voice was lower, harsher. The man had an accent that could have come straight out of Rose's old neighbourhood.
"Human," came the reply, a female voice hissing slightly."Didn't take much persuading. Stupid little apes'll do anything for sex."
Rose felt the Doctor shake slightly, and twisting round again, she saw that he was stifling laughter. She tried to punch him on the arm, but he tightened his grip on her and she found herself suddenly unable to move. She rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the voices.
"Where's he being held? Headquarters?" The man – or male, she supposed it should be – sniffed loudly.
"No, boss's place. Over on Triatch Street."
Rose heard the Doctor click his tongue faintly. She couldn't believe their luck. She had to wonder about this alien here; he was like a cat with nine lives, always landing on his feet. She grinned and laid her head on his arm affectionately, enjoying being held so closely even though she knew it was through necessity and not… anything else it might have been.
"I'm heading over there now, you coming?"
"Nah, got another job to be taken care of."
Crouching by the wall as she was, Rose's legs were beginning to ache unbearably. She pressed her lips together and tried her best to concentrate on the conversation taking place in the alley, forcing herself to keep still.
"So ask around, yeah? See if you can get a good price for this one. He's strong, should fetch a decent price."
"And if not?"
"Boss'll be angry," the voice took on a singsong tone now. "And I don't fancy this one's chances if that happens."
Rose tensed. The Doctor's hand found hers and he squeezed it reassuringly as the footsteps began again and the two people… aliens… went on their way.
They waited for almost a minute, to be on the safe side, and then the Doctor let go of Rose and stood up, looking round cautiously. He reached down for her hands and pulled her up, arms around her again for a moment as she stumbled on unsteady legs.
"Weakling," he muttered as he took her hand and led her out into the open alley, heading in the direction of Triatch Street.
She elbowed him in the ribs. "Freak. So what's the plan?"
She looked up at him; he looked deep in thought. "Sounds like they want to sell him"
"As a slave?"
He nodded. "And if not, he's set to become 'the boss's' stress ball, so to speak…"
Rose grimaced. "Nice."
"So it'ssimple," he grinned, and produced his psychic paper from his jacket pocket. "Feel like doing a bit of human shopping, Rose?"
She matched his grin with her own, "Why yes Doctor, I think I do."
And with that, they linked arms, and set off.