Title: Pastry
Sam Carter's on a mission and she's not taking prisoners.
Classifications: Humor, Fluff
Season: Future

Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's Note: This pointless little piece of fluff haunted me until I took the time to write it. Tenacious little plot bunny, huh? Rampant silliness ahead! Thanks to Montage, for her encouragement and friendship!


Her alarm hadn't gone off this morning. She'd had to skip her shower. There had been a pair of dirty socks orphaned in the hallway that nearly tripped her as she made her way blearily to the kitchen. And to top it all off, the cupboards had been bare. The fridge? Empty. Her stomach growled with displeasure.

Needless to say, Sam was in no mood for nonsense as she hightailed it into the briefing room, only to find the meeting delayed as Jack was stuck on the phone with some VIP or another.

Sam sighed and tried not to think of how many red lights she needn't have nearly run through. At least the late meeting had one thing to offer, she thought positively as she headed toward the ubiquitous pink box next to the coffee urn. Just enough time to grab something for breakfast.

She should have known it would be empty. She didn't even need to follow the faint bread crumb trail with her highly tuned military tracking skills to know where the last renegade cruller had disappeared to. Daniel.

He sat at the table with his nose stuck in a memo, obviously something of great intellectual interest, as he hadn't even looked up when Sam had entered. Sitting, pristine and untouched near Daniel's right hand, was the last pastry. It wasn't a cruller. It was a jelly donut. Sam's stomach protested loudly and she unconsciously licked her lips.

"Was that the last pastry?" Sam asked needlessly, hoping to shame Daniel into at least sharing.

Daniel, still in his own little world, didn't look up from the fascinating report. He just smiled and reached for his coffee. "You know what they say about the early bird and the worm, Sam."

His tone was flippant and annoyingly self-satisfied. There was really no way he could have known what he had just blindly walked in to. At least that was what Sam was trying to tell herself as her crappy morning combined with her empty stomach to make her forget all about how Daniel was like the younger brother she always wished she had. Rational thought had no place in Sam's mind this morning though, and suddenly Daniel was The Enemy.

Sam barely acknowledged Teal'c who sat one seat down from Daniel, one of his eyebrows raised slightly as if he had sensed Sam's mood. If only Daniel had been as observant. Sam slowly settled into a chair directly across from Daniel, her eyes narrowing and her stomach making angry sounds.

"Daan-niel," she said slowly in a warning tone. Last chance, buddy.

If Daniel had been listening properly, he probably would have heard the dangerous edge to Sam's voice that made Teal'c's eyebrow finish the journey it had just begun moments before. But he seemed completely oblivious to the situation developing around him.

Daniel just cluelessly said "Hmmm?" before picking up the pastry with his free hand.

Sam felt her basic instincts take over. Must liberate donut from hostile forces at any cost. Spreading her hands wide, she gently ran her fingers over the briefing table.

"You know this table, Daniel?" Sam asked, her voice now dangerously low and sweet.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Teal'c's lonely eyebrow join the lofty perch of its brother. He might even have pushed back slightly from the table. Flee? Or try to save Daniel from what was undoubtedly coming? Teal'c's indecision sealed his fate and Sam couldn't let herself feel guilty about the collateral damage.

Something in her voice must have finally penetrated Daniel's academic haze because he looked up from the report to glance at Sam, the pastry still traveling the distance to his mouth.

"The table?" he asked inanely.

"Yeah," Sam said evilly, covetously watching the pastry hovering near Daniel's mouth. "We've had sex on it."

The pastry instantly stopped its journey. It was frozen in front of Daniel's inert mouth. There was a small strangled sound, but Sam was pretty sure it had come from Teal'c. She really hadn't meant to involve him in this, but an astrophysicist's got to do what an astrophysicist's got to do. Especially a hungry one.

Daniel seemed to be completely unable to move or speak; he just blinked a couple of times in disbelief. Maybe he needed a little extra push.

Sam leaned in a little further, her hands still splayed on the smooth wood. "Twice."

Daniel instantly dropped the pastry back to the table in disgust and almost comically shied away from the offending piece of furniture.

"Sam!" he managed to choke out. "That was- You're so- I can't believe you just said that!"

Sam just shrugged dismissively and reached across the table to grab her prize. She had just taken the first heavenly bite (mmm…raspberry!) when Jack finally decided to join them.

"Sorry about that, guys-," he started only to break off upon taking in the scene before him. Daniel sat several feet back from the table, his mouth hanging open. Teal'c had his hands carefully folded in his lap, his face ashen. Sam, meanwhile, was making almost indecent sounds of pleasure as she nibbled blissfully at a pastry.

"Okaaay… What's going on?"

Daniel's mouth snapped shut and he turned to Jack. It might have been Jack's imagination, but he was pretty sure Daniel was having a hard time looking him in the eye. Daniel jerkily pointed one finger at Jack. "You- you…. You!" he accused.

"Yes, me," Jack said with amusement. "Did Daniel finally lose it?"

Daniel shook his head violently as if trying to dislodge something. "Your girlfriend is evil!" he almost shouted.

Jack turned to Sam, but she just kept nibbling away, ignoring all of them.

"Someone care to fill me in?" Jack asked.

Teal'c took a deep breath and said, carefully staring at his hands the whole time, "Daniel Jackson partook of the last breakfast confection. Colonel Carter…objected."

Jack was now even more confused than ever.

"The least you could do is requisition a new table!" Daniel sputtered.

Now Sam was smiling wickedly around her donut.

"Ah," was all Jack said, the pieces finally coming together. He tried valiantly not to get derailed by the memories in question.

"Ah? That's all you have to say for yourself?" Daniel mimicked incredulously.

"What do you want me to say, Daniel? You're the one who got between Carter and her breakfast. Don't you remember what happened on P6T-840 when you ate the last of the chocolate?"

Daniel paled a little bit further and Sam snickered unapologetically, spraying a fine dust of flaky donut crust on the table.

"You really should have known better, Daniel," Jack admonished.

"Indeed," Teal'c heartily agreed, still looking slightly petulant that he had gotten caught in the crossfire.

Daniel dropped his head into his hands in defeat.

Sam, meanwhile, had licked off the last traces of jelly from her fingers and was pulling a folder towards herself. "So. We going to have a meeting or what?" she asked in her most professional voice as if nothing had happened.

"Sure thing, Colonel," Jack said, giving up the losing battle of keeping the self-satisfied smile off his face. It really hadn't been a bad feat for a guy in his fifties with bad knees.

Daniel was looking dubiously between them, still refusing to go anywhere near the table. "You know way back when, when I said I was happy for you two?"

Jack and Sam nodded.

"Bite me."

They just ginned wider at their grumpy friend.

After all, all's fair in love and the pursuit of pastry.