It's not mine; it's all J.K. Rowling's.
Chapter 18: In Which Lily is in Love
In Which Some of the Craziness Might Just Begin to Make Sense
I have officially (as in, legitimately (as in, not just in my mind (as in, I'm not INSANE, so there!))) been going out with the one, the only James Tristan Potter (and the man of all my dreams (well, all one of them. I mean, I've only had so long to dream what with all this late night discovery of feelings and whatnot, but I'm sure they'll be plenty more to come)) since noon yesterday, which adds up to a grand total of 19 hours, 12 minutes, and 34 seconds.
Ok, ok, you get the point. I really have to stop zoning out and doing that. It can't be good for me, especially at seven in the morning on a Sunday. A Sunday! Oh the blasphemy of not sleeping in on such a day. I just can't, though, sleeping requires a certain mental state that I'm just not in (nor can I be expected to be in) because … I'm going out with James Potter! Going out! I just want to go bounce around and in general make one heck of a nuisance of myself!
And then reality intrudes … blast reality and all its stupid real-ness.
Why am I trapped in the Hospital Wing? Sigh. I suppose it's slightly my fault (ok, completely, but I'm not going to admit that, admitting things doesn't fit with my image, I have a reputation to protect after all).
So after James and I wrapped up out locker room "I love you" session (have I mentioned how awesome that was in the past 10 minutes? No? Well, I'd better, just for good measure and all. It was AWESOME!) and we were heading toward the victory party, when who should we meet but my favorite gang of teachers (aka Dumbledore, Vittles, McGonagall, and Madam Jeffries).
Madam Jeffries shot me a wink and a shrug, so it was kind of obvious she'd told the others I'd "escaped" or something of that sort. I suppose I deserved that since I had promised I wouldn't be seen and … I kind of was (stupid snitch!).
So they were all standing about, glaring with their arms crossed. I shot Vittles a very nasty glare since he's not a very nice person right now in my book, but I don't think he noticed. People really ought to notice when you're glaring maliciously at them; isn't that only polite?
But I suppose that's not the point of this little story. So they were being all imposing and "Thou shall not pass" –ish. In response to this, in a very logical fashion, James and I stopped (his hand was around my waist, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't, but I can't help telling everyone everything remotely cute that James has done since he is my boyfriend and not yours and you should just be sad about that since he's amazing and he's all mine. After all, we've been going out for 19 hours, 20 minutes, and 52 seconds. 53 seconds. 54 … oh, buggers, I'm doing it again. I really really have to stop. This time I'm serious. No more obsession (well, no more really weird obsession)).
So we stopped and Dumbledore just sort of looked at me with that "I know you did not just sneak out of the hospital wing" look, but unfortunately, the effect was ruined by the fact that I had.
"James, Miss Evans," he said, with a polite nod at each of us.
I inched closer to James; he is after all big and strong and might be able to save me if someone tries to kill me. I could, of course, save myself, but it's really awful hard to inch closer to oneself for protection (as in impossible) and if I'd tried I'd probably have looked nuts and since that's why I'm being glared at I'd rather not give any blatant evidence. So I was basically forced to go for the next best alternative (aka James, and let me say, it wasn't that much of a sacrifice).
"Miss Evans," McGonagall said, "Shouldn't you be in the hospital wing?"
"Probably, ma'am," I agreed amiably. I was feeling much too happy/ecstatic/James Potter's my boyfriend to really care if I was about to be in a small spot of trouble.
"It was dangerous for you to sneak out of the hospital wing while possessed, Miss Evans, you could have caused yourself or others injury," Vittles said, being all vittles-y (as in, stupid and vile).
"I'm not possessed, Professor!" Is that getting old to anyone else? "Really, this whole thing is one giant case of mistaken communication, between myself and the world at large, that isn't my fault at all. In fact, if I had to blame someone, it'd clearly be James' fault. I mean, if he hadn't made me fall in love with him, I obviously wouldn't have thought I was going nuts and I'd never have gone to see Madam Jeffries! Honestly, who wouldn't think they were nuts if they woke up one morning and thought, "Gee whiz, I'm in love with Potter today"? You'd have sought medical attention as well."
"So, all your fault," I said, poking James in the chest. He looked a bit stunned to say the least. "I don't blame you at all, though. In fact, I'm rather more inclined to thank you, even though I really did think I was going nuts. But then it finally hit me; I was just in love, which I suppose is a form of insanity, but frankly, if I have to be insane, it's the sort of insane I'd like to be."
"Wait, you went and told Madam Jeffries you were possessed because you love me?"
I think my logic confused poor Jamesie; he's so adorable when he's confused.
"I didn't tell her I was possessed!" I eyed Madam Jeffries, who had just made my bad list for spreading untruths about me.
"Pardon me?" Professor McGonagall said, clearly asking for clarification.
"I didn't say I was possessed, I told her there were voices in my head, which were telling me to kiss James and talking about how wonderful he was and his charming masculine jaw line and the depths of his dazzlingly hazel eyes and ... excuse me, sorry; I got carried away there … anyway, I didn't get it at the time. I was, on the whole, simply being rather dense."
I smiled at James, who smiled back, but still looked rather confused. What can I say, I'm just a confuzzling person.
"It was rather confusing, wasn't it?" I prodded.
"Yeah," he smiled and grabbed one of my hands, "It was. I had no idea what was going on."
"Just like a broom crash," I said, smirking a bit as he leaned his forehead down to rest on mine.
"Ahem!" Stupid teachers, always interrupting good things, they must have been beaten as children.
"Whatever the circumstances, Miss Evans, your place is still in the Hospital Wing, so I must ask that you accompany Madam Jeffries and myself there immediately," Professor Dumbledore said.
James inched closer to me, so we were basically glued together. I have no objections, of course, unless there really is glue involved. No offense to the man of my dreams and whatnot, but while I love him to death, I'm not spending the rest of my life permanently glued to his side. Love is all well and good, but moderation is necessary so that you don't go nutters. Look at me, all philosophical and I've only had a steady boyfriend for 19 hours, 31 minutes, and 10 seconds.
13 … rats!
Well, it could be worse. At least I'm not counting the nanoseconds. I mean, I could count them, but then by the time I'd said them I'd be wrong, so I'm probably best off sticking to seconds. Although, if I spoke really fast … bad, Lily, bad, you will not count the nanoseconds you've been going out with James. I have to watch that. It's just so tempting.
Back to the tragedy of my story.
So Dumbledore, who has appointed himself in charge of ruining my life, says, "I'm afraid you'll have to return to your common room, James. Miss Evans will be fine without you."
And he was wrong! I was not fine! We missed out on so much, "we just got together" smug bliss, it's practically criminal. Not being one to take no for an answer, I latched on to James' arm and tried my best to look pitiful. You'd think that would work, but no.
So off I went to the hospital wing to mope about in a miserable fashion all by myself, while James went off to celebrate in the common room with everyone else! Life is clearly unfair.
But James obviously wasn't having such a great time at the party anyway because he snuck into the Hospital Wing to see me! It was so cute of him. It nearly scared me to death at the time, of course, but now, looking back, I am much more calm about the matter. That nervous twitch is simply a figment of your imagination; no really, it is.
I mean, come on, who sneaks up behind someone to 'surprise' them and starts off by putting their hands over their eyes? Yeah, that's what I thought, only the psycho murderers! Is a simple, "hey" or "hello" or "Fair Lily, love of my life" too much to ask? Sigh, my life has so many trials.
It took me a bit to recover from my near murder experience, which James (the git (but a very nice and attractive one, so I forgive him)) apparently found quite amusing. I was not quite as amused as him, can't for the life of me think why (in case you were wondering that was the sarcasm).
Anyway, he brought me a piece of some cake from the victory party. I'm slightly worried that bringing me food is becoming a repetitive action.
I can't quite tell if:
a. He thinks I'm too thin
b. He's trying to fatten me for some malicious reason like cannibalism
c. He finds food to be the best medium for communication
d. There is no reason and I'm just overanalyzing
If it's 'c' I'm so screwed; I'll be a tub of lard by the end of the month and I'm not going to go into 'b' since that's just wrong and rest assured, people of the world, the day I am too thin is the day Remus Lupin hops on the table in the Great Hall and starts stripping (while some people would enjoy that, I can't help but feeling it will never happen (as in, it's impossible). I bet he wouldn't even do it if he was under the Imperius Curse. He'd just pass out from the impropriety of it all before he even got the chance to start) so 'a' is out, and I never overanalyze (really!) so it's not 'd'. Buggers, I've eliminated everything. I hate multiple-choice.
So I ate the cake in spite of my suspicions of his motives (who would refuse cake anyway? Cake, yum). Then we talked and did a tad bit of kissing. I mean, you just can't do too much kissing in the hospital wing. Besides, we've already done that once and you don't want to make a habit of such things.
We did clear the air really well, though. We even touched a bit on the rocky beginning of our … ahem … relations (aka senseless kissing).
Alas, all good things must come to an end and end they did. Madam Jeffries came in and James had to escape before she saw him. So I haven't seen him for 9 hours, 40 minutes, and I'm not actually sure how many seconds (blasphemy, I know, but I was so pre-occupied with the wrenching loss of his presence I didn't think of marking down the seconds).
Do I hear sounds? Is that the pitter-patter of size 8 stilettos (aka, Madam Jeffries)? Indeed it is! How exciting, my first visitor of this fine and beauteous day. I may have taken one too many imaginary happy pills. Happy sigh.
"Good morning, Madam Jeffries!" I said, in a delightfully chipper manner.
"You seem wide awake, Miss Evans."
"I couldn't sleep."
"Thinking about someone in particular?" Jeffries teased with a wink, pouring me some more nasty potion. I hate the nasty potion! Why must it be so plentiful?
"Me? Never," I replied.
"I am sorry that I had to rat you out to the Professors," she said while I made my mandatory faces about drinking the potion (luckily she doesn't know that my taste buds have been burned off by the previous doses and I can't even taste it anymore (now it's simply the principal of the thing. Nasty potion, shudder)), "but it was rather obvious you'd … "escaped" what with you being in the middle of the game and all."
"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to be seen, that was a bit of an accident. But still, it all turned out well in the end, didn't it? I got my man." MY MAN! So many good things to say, so little time to say them (you know, only a whole life time).
"Indeed you did," Madam Jeffries agreed, while taking my pulse.
"Well, that's that, Lily. You're free to go."
"What? I can go? As in leave?" This is unexpected. Is it April first; is she pulling my leg? I won't fall for it; I won't!
"Yes," Jeffries said with a smile, "And let me also apologize about the misunderstanding about you being possessed. You really did sound like you were, though, darling."
"Don't worry about it," I said, practically leaping out of bed and heading for the door (I'm not falling for it, though. I'm simply … playing along). If I hurry I can go grab a shower, change, and then go eat breakfast with James!
I hurried through the halls and to the Gryffindor tower. I fought my way through the crowded common room (apparently the victory party was still in full swing) and up the stairs to my dorm. Ally was inside and she looked up as I came in.
"Hey, girl, who let you out of captivity? Or did you escape again?"
"I have been released," I announced with a sweeping gesture, "I am as free as a goldfish in an ocean."
Ally laughed, "I hate to break it to you, Lily, but that made no sense at all."
"It's the thought that counts in the end," I told her, "So, Ally, I don't suppose you talked with …"
"James," She said, cutting me off. Am I that transparent? Oh, probably.
"Yes, I did speak with him. He is my boyfriend's best friend after all. Actually," she said, looking thoughtful, "I didn't really speak much. I more listened to him list your many virtues. I frankly had no idea you possessed so many."
"Hey!" I said indignantly.
Ally smiled and we both laughed.
"We'll have to plan a girls only day and kick those two idiots out for a while. It feels like we never have time for each other anymore." Ally said, looking at me seriously.
"Well you started it with Sirius, doll face, so don't point any fingers at me. I was all up for spending time with you, but you were too busy with secret 'French lessons.' At least I'm not keeping it a secret," I said with a glare. I still can't believe she did that! Ugh, I shall be offended later.
"You couldn't keep it a secret even if you wanted to; James would be so obvious about it that everyone would know in an instant."
I rolled my eyes. James is rather obvious, but so am I. We're in love, so sue us. We have the gods given right to be as obvious and mushy as we want. Someone should add that to the Rights of Man (and Woman (we count too, you sorry chauvinistic pigs!)).
"So will you be joining me and the boys for breakfast? I actually got them to bed at a decent hour, so they should be following the call of their stomachs down to the Great Hall momentarily," Ally said.
"Yeah!" Ok, that came out a bit too eagerly. Sigh, why must everyone laugh at me?
So I took the fastest shower on record (about 1.5 minutes, beat that!) and changed into a pair of charming jeans and a t-shirt.
Ally and I walked down the stairs and in a wonderfully awesome coincidence (I love the universe!) we met up with our favorite (and only) boyfriends on the landing.
"James!" I said, excitedly and practically threw myself around his neck. Being exuberant is a good thing, or so I will keep telling myself.
"Morning, cupcake, who let you out of the Hospital Wing?"
Why does everyone ask me that? And "cupcake"? I know there's something going on with the food thing now!
"I was released," I said, dishing him my "I love you, but you weren't being very nice" glare. I just came up with it actually, patent pending, so hands off.
Boy, is he looking fine this morning. Sigh, too much wonderfulness too early in the morning. I rested my head on his chest and snuggled in for the long haul. Is it bad to be obsessed with listening to him breathe? In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, this is really nice, in, out, in, out, in, out … I'm so glad no one can read my thoughts. Except you government perverts! I haven't forgotten about you, don't you go thinking I have, and when I find you, you will … will regret spying most profusely!
"Lily, darling, you ok? Ready for breakfast?" James said, pushing me away a bit, so he could look in my eyes.
"Oh … heh … yeah." Drat it, I forgot we were in public. I need to add that to that stupid list of things I have to work on in order to be a more normal and functional in this relationship and as a person in general. At least I'm not insane … or more so that usual.
The Great Hall was nearly empty. James and I sat next to each other and Sirius and Ally sat across from us. Dude, I just realized something: We can so double date! Wicked awesome!
James is making eating hard. He's not doing anything per say except eating, but he's just so handsome (even while chewing) that I'm having a hard time concentrating eating. Yummy masculine jaw line, roguish floppy hair … rats, he caught me staring … again.
"Not hungry?" He asked, eyeing my still full plate.
"Oh, no, I am," I said, sheepishly eyeing my plate. Must stop staring. I will pretend he's not there. I'm not looking at him. I'm not looking at him. Was that his shadow? I'm looking at him … oh well.
He smiled at me and speared one of the fruit slices on my plate with his fork.
Is he eating my food?
"Open up," James said, waving the fork in front of my face.
He wants to FEED me! Even more bizarre.
I hesitantly opened my mouth and ate the proffered slice of pineapple.
James smiled goofily at me and then went back to his own food. I sometimes wonder about that boy.
"I'm so lucky I found you," he said out of the blue, surprising me with my mouth half full of French toast.
I swallowed and looked at him.
"You're lucky I had the guts to tell you I loved you, so really if it weren't for me, we wouldn't be together at all," I countered. It's so true. I rock something wicked.
"No way, if it weren't for me letting you find out that I loved you we wouldn't have gotten together."
"You didn't do that on purpose, though! And I'd never have been in the position to overhear it if I hadn't been in the Hospital Wing." I have him there.
"Well, you wouldn't have been in the Hospital Wing if you hadn't saved me, which I can claim credit for since I was the one in danger."
"That's warped reasoning, but it doesn't matter because if I hadn't sat beside you, I'd never have had to take that curse for you."
"But I'd never have let you have that seat if it weren't for all those kisses I'd been giving you."
"You can't take full credit for those, mister. I had a full bit of participation in those."
"Not at first." Which isn't my fault. I was still in denial.
"Well, neither did you at first!"
"So really, this can all be traced back to those flimsy desks in the Transfiguration room," James said.
"Actually, I think it goes back to the whoosh I felt that morning at breakfast. I'd never have been so clumsy if it weren't for that." I have a wicked awesome point there.
"So basically you guys both owe me oodles of thanks and praise!" Sirius interjected.
"Huh?" James and I chorused. His reasoning makes no sense. Probably because there was none involved.
"Well, if I hadn't put that spell on you and Lily, you two would never have gotten together," Sirius said, like it was the most simple thing in the world to understand, then went back to eating his eggs like he hadn't just said something life changing (you know, like "I'm not your father," or "Darth Vader's your father," or "You're actually a member of the Brady Bunch").
"Spell?" James, Ally, and I all yelled at the same time.
"I beg your pardon?" I said, rounding off the confusion.
"Actually, it was an inspired idea, really," Sirius said, completely missing the fact everyone else was about comatose with confusion, "I was thinking about you two and your issues when it just came to me out of the blue. What if you had to resolve your issues? But then, I couldn't figure out the best way to force you two to resolve them. So I was sitting there playing with these … ahem," (Sirius is blushing now) "… stuffed animals that Ally, dearest, gave me and I thought, 'What if they were kissing each other all the time?' So I cast a spell on you that pretty much put magnets in your lips. Then if you guys got too close to each other, whamo, kissing. Basically," he said, steepling his fingers like a crazed psychiatrist, "I turned you guys into life sized Kiss-Kiss Bears."
I just stared at Sirius, open-mouthed. Did he just say what I think he said? Does he own a pair of Kiss-Kiss Bears? Well, I'd never have guessed, he seems like such a manly man. I love Kiss-Kiss Bears; they're so adorable. I actually have a pair of Kiss-Kiss Mooses, Kiss-Kiss Snowmen, and Kiss-Kiss Piggy Banks as well. They have magnets in their noses/mouths so they kiss and they have Velcro on their hands, so they hold hands too! So cute!
Wait … did he just say he turned James and I into Kiss-Kiss Bears?
"I KNEW IT!"
Everyone turned to look at me and I blushed. But still … I knew it!
"I knew there were magnets in our lips. That was my theory. I figured it was magnets or our heads were being tied together by strings!"
"Wait," I said, a horrible thought striking me, "You mean, the only reason we kiss is because of the magnets?" Oh dear, lord. What if we don't really love each other? I love him; I know I do. I just don't get this.
"Don't be ridiculous," Sirius said, with a rather amused grin, "The spell wore off long before your little stunt with the Divination table. I thought that made it pretty evident you two were meant for each other. True love, all because of me. Am I wonderful or what?"
"And conceited," Ally said, poking him.
This certainly puts a whole new spin on my life as of late. For starters I'm even semi-not insane. Sort of.
I looked at James and he smiled and shrugged in a "what can you do, he's just my nutters best mate" way.
I smiled too and leaned in for a kiss. I don't know what Sirius means about the spell wearing off. This seems pretty magnetic to me. After all, who can defy the forces of physics? I love physics!
"Hey, so for services rendered do I get to be Best Man at the wedding? I'll give the greatest Best Man speech ever, I swear! And dibs on being Godfather. I do get to be godfather right? Just of the first mini-Potter, after that, Remus can have one too, but I want the first one!"
Well … with 8 we should have enough to go around.
Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoyed it and the ending was decent (or even better, excellent). If you want to review I have a bit of a question for you to answer:
Did the ending confuse you? And do I need to explain the whole spell thing better?
If confusion is rampant I will add an epilogue of some sort that will hopefully set it all up in a non-confuzzling way.
It's been quite an adventure and I appreciate everyone sticking with me (especially with my terrible update lengths as of late)!
I don't know if anyone is interested, but I actually do have another fic in the works (aka my mind). It won't be up for god knows how long and I doubt it'll be as good as Kissing the Enemy (what can be, eh?), but, who knows, it might be worth your time.
And a final thank you to the Bestest, Brilliantly Blinding, and Bumble-less Beta Daystar! You are my savior and my commas love you. They want to know if they can stay with you when I go to college?