This is a little story I thought up one night when I was... sleep deprived, or something. How else would it be this... weird? Hope ya like! Please review!

Severus leaned back in the plain chair in his office with an ugly look on his face. No one understood him. Remarks made by countless students rang in his ears.

"He needs to wash his hair—it's so greasy!"

"That bastard Snape should keep his enormous nose out of students' lives!"

"Yes, well," he muttered to nonexistent students, "you could do with washing out your filthy little mouths." It didn't bother him that they called him… well, pretty much anything and everything uncomplimentary… but that his efforts should be wasted on those who had no idea what they were, well, that ticked him off.

First of all, the hair. It wasn't greasy. Was it really his fault that the gel he used made his hair look stringy? Of course not. Any sensible person would know that. He scowled, looking in the small mirror he kept hidden in his desk. His hair was beautiful and he knew it. Just the right length to look good with his black robes, it was a deep, velvety black, like a starless night. He ran his fingers through it, then examined them.

His skin—now, that was something to be proud of. It was clear and smooth—and he wasn't unnaturally pale! The paler the skin, the better it looks with black hair. That is a known fact, he thought defiantly. And he couldn't get tan. He just couldn't. It's white-as-snow or red-as-fire. He narrowed his eyes at the reflection that looked back at him. The eyes…

They were so often viewed as cold and calculating—as if there were stone behind them instead of Severus's brilliant mind. "Well, that's not my fault," he snapped to an invisible audience. It was glasses or contact lenses, and he had opted for the contacts. He would have gotten colored lenses, but that pale sparkling blue that he admired in Dumbledore's eyes didn't fit his personality. Black held authority. Severus's deep frown darkened as he pictured himself wearing atrocious glasses—the kind that Potter boy wore, for instance—perched atop his nose.

The nose, he had to admit, was a little big, but a visit to a discreet Muggle plastic surgeon would fix that without too much fuss. And he could explain away his absence to Dumbledore by saying Voldemort had called him away and he couldn't pass up the opportunity to spy for a few days. As for the students, well, he could just snap at them to mind their own business before relieving them of several House points, unless, of course, they were Slytherin students.

Severus was thin, yes… But, he thought furiously, it's better than being obese like that fool of a Care of Magical Creatures teacher…

He shook his head vigorously to clear it. There was no point in staring at his reflection all night—he could just vent his anger by failing a few Gryffindors, after all…