So here I am. The sad thing about fast updates is that I get fewer reviews. I held out a little bit to update this for me reviews. Does that make me evil? Or just human? But don't get pissed, I made this chapter longer than usual. Yeah, you know you love me.

Gidget89: You're officially one of my newest best friends. Jess is one of the more Jess characters, yes. I review chapters backwards sometimes too, it's fun that way. I get bored. Like sometimes when I'm on the laptop I suddenly get very bored and have to move to a new location. I also have to watch or listen to music. Ha, Nicole being sexy. She wishes. I attempt to never fall out of bed because I have a loft bed, and me falling would either result in my squashing my sister's legs and breaking my back or just flat out dying. It's okay, I'm not one to hand out restraining orders. I myself have seven. Uh oh, your review was going to be the longest, but you should have seen L/L R Lobsters' review. Sorry, but you're second once again. But hers was just insane, you would have won by a mile if she hadn't reviewed.

Beautifulbutterfly: Apparently I'm a puppet, so here goes. This Hayley chick rocks, go and read her stories. They aren't as good as this story, but hey, she tries (sometimes :-P).

Labyrinth: I hear ya, and get happy, coz this one's a bit longer.

Epona9009: I was watching that episode too right then! It's so… intense. Hehe, I know ABC Family does that, I watch it all the time (not to mention GILMORE! Raincoats and Recipes was just on, I was writing this during commercials!). I love writing Jess, he's so funny. And I LOVE writing Kirk because I can be as weird as I want.

Rusty! I forgive you for not updating if your brother's getting married. You have a legit excuse, which I can deal with. I'm like laughing at what you wrote. I have the ability to cease operation of other's lungs! I think the entire WORLD will be stuck with Full House until the sun explodes. I loved writing that Kirk part, he's so much fun to write because I have no limits to weirdness.

L/L r Lobsters: You're my favorite reviewer I think. I don't know where Darkness, my cheese, went, because she used to be the best. Sad how things change. If she ever returns you guys can tie but for now you're the bestest! Woop! Rejoice in this magnificent title. I keep laughing at the accidentally dirty line. "It's hard, Lorelai," he says all whimpery and quivery. "Well, come back when it isn't," she says all mad. That is so funny! I'm sorry, I just can't get over that. We're kind of immature, don't you think? Thanks for the long, in-depth description of your social life this week. Well, I have to go to soccer camp tomorrow so no updating, and I have a birthday party on Friday, and my mom gets back from Thailand around then. There ya go. Your school goes on for so long, I ended on the 10th! This one's less midget-like, so get happy. Hehe, I love Fairly Oddparents. Cosmo is so amusing.

About my Total Coelo thing- GilmoreGirl5244 got it perfectly! You knew even more about it than me. And I quote: "I want cupcake points! Total Coelo was a one hit wonder, all girl quintet whose hit song was called "I Eat Cannibals," and in the song they say 'eat me eat you're incredibly delicious'...or something like that lmao." I did it because it the song they're all 'incredibly delicious! Incredibly delicious!' So Lorelai says that. I know it was a really random reference but the song was playing right then so I was all, 'Why not confuse my readers with a random, almost out-of-place reference?' Others who got it right include Kristen, ProFeSseR, and LukeNLorelaifan (Although you googled it and got it, like 80 percent right). So I'll give Kristen and ProFeSseR10 cupcake points each because they got it right, GilmoreGirl5244 12 because she got it uber-right, and LukeNLorelaifan 8 because she got it mostly right but used Google. Hehe, look at me handing out points like this. Fun. I should host a game show.

And ProFeSseR, that is the most accurate wild guess in the history of wild guesses. That's not even… wild! I know, I'm special because my button (my brain still goes 'dirty!') is different. I don't know why it's white!

Darkness, I plead once more- where art thou? I'm going to cry. I miss you.


Thank the Cavemen

Chapter Five: Footsied Terror

Lorelai and Luke entered Luke's apartment. Lorelai gave a sigh. "Why does Kirk have to be so insane? Couldn't he have just taken one day's break from being a freak?"

"If he's going to tell Miss Patty…"

"…then the whole town, including the Poe society and the people who don't even know us, will know within an hour," Lorelai finished.

They both collapsed on the sofa after Luke started the coffee pot up. "Maybe it's easier this way," offered Luke.

"Yeah, it's out of the way. We don't really have to worry about telling the town or keeping it from them- it's just all out in the open," reasoned Lorelai.

Luke smiled and leaned over to kiss her. Perfectly timed, as always, the door flew open.

"Geez!" exclaimed Luke, jerking his head up not unlike Jess had a few minutes earlier. This time, though, it wasn't Kirk.

"Ooooooh, my Lord!" came a high-pitched squeal of glee from the wild-eyed Miss Patty at the door, wearing a lacy nightgown (to Luke's horror) and curlers in her hair. "I came just as soon as I heard."

"Patty, don't you knock?" yelped Luke.

"How on earth could you possibly know already?" cried Lorelai. "Kirk just ran screaming from here less than 5 minutes ago!"

Just then there was some thumping on the stairs and Babette appeared wearing a bathrobe with her hair up in a towel.

"I can't believe it, I thought it wasn't true when that Haddlestat guy told me, but… oh, Lorelai, just look at you in that flannel shirt! Ooh hoo hoo, I can imagine what you two crazy kids have been doing! God, I wish I had your thighs."

"We are just so happy for you two!" shrieked Patty. "We've been waiting for this day for God knows how long!"

Just then Andrew appeared behind them in a nightcap. "I heard it was on the diner counter, Lorelai, but I don't know how reliable a source Gypsy is. Is it true?" Gypsy raced up behind him a few seconds late.

"Don't go questioning my authority! It was on the counter, Andrew, I heard it straight from Taylor who saw the whole thing!"

"Aagh!" moaned Lorelai. "Andrew, you're taking advice form a woman in footsie pajamas?"

"Hey, I have very sensitive feet," snapped Gypsy.

"Taylor did NOT see us on the counter!" snapped Luke.

"So it was on the counter!" Babette clapped her hands with glee. 'I can't wait to tell Mrs. Casini!"

"Too late!" crowed the old woman as she hobbled up the stairs. "Lorelai, you been getting' some from that delicious diner boy? How is he in the sack, eh?"

"We're all dying to know!" said Patty, licking her lips at the sight of the bare-chested man. "Look at those pectoral muscles! Ooh, wouldn't I just like to…" She trailed off with a dirty look on her face. "Mmmmm…"

"Oh God," groaned Lorelai, covering her face with her hands. Luke grabbed his robe from the chair behind him and pulled it on sharply. He wasn't taking any chances with Miss Patty.

"And what happened to Nicole? You two were hot and heavy a few days ago, werentcha?" asked Babette.

"You know, I never liked that woman," declared Mrs. Casini.

"Yeah, too perfect. I hate perfect woman," grumbled the footsied Gypsy.

"So, it WAS on the counter, right?" confirmed Andrew, peeking over Patty's shoulder.

"No! It was not on the counter!"

"But it still happened, right?" said Al worriedly.

"When the hell did you get here, Al?"

"Doll, it couldn't have been on the table," reasoned Babette. "Jess was in the room."

"Ooh, Jess too, even better! Where is that delicious boy, any how?" said Patty.

"My God, people! That is sick, not to mention illegal!" yelled Luke. His mad-o-meter was rising steadily from a relatively normal 5 (pissed off) to a dangerous 9 (furious).

"I think he hid in the storeroom when he saw you coming, Patty," replied Andrew, ignoring Luke.

They needed to shut up before he reached…

"Are you guys into vibrators and stuff or do you just go all natural?"

"Andrew, are you kidding me? Like these two need anything else to intensify their pleasure?"

Yup, that was 10- insanely livid.

"Get OUT! All you people stay out of this! This relationship is between me and Lorelai and we don't need the entire town chiming in and acting like they deserve to know every detail! We will not tell you anything about what we do or WHERE we do it or any of that crazy stuff you people are yammering on about! Get out before my fists have to escort you!"

The room kind of murmured as the exited through the door. "Mr. Sensitive," grumbled Andrew, and Al muttered a quick, "No wonder I get more business than him." Just before the door closed, Miss Patty poked her head around the edge. "Have fun, you two," she giggled mischievously, yanking her head out of the opening before Luke decapitated it as he slammed the door shut.

Luke was breathing heavily. Lorelai came up behind him and began massaging his neck. "This town, huh? One of a kind."

Luke took a deeeeeeep breath and turned around as Lorelai moved her arms to his waist. "They're crazy. That was, like, the Spanish Inquisition, only with curlers and footsie pajamas."

"They care."

"They should mind their own business."

"Well, whatever they do, they can't take away from what we do," smiled Lorelai, nuzzling his neck.

Luke was just relaxing when a knock came from the door. "Oh, for Pete's sake!" bellowed Luke, breaking away from Lorelai.

"Luke…"

Luke opened the door forcefully. "Look, whatever the hell it is you want to… Oh. Rory."

"Love the welcome," she replied, raising her eyebrows. "I just wanted to talk to Mom."

Lorelai approached her. "Oh, Rory, hey."

Rory's eyebrows jumped a little higher. "Nice legs."

Lorelai looked down and her face flushed. "Oh. Right. Uh, Luke, can you…"

"Oh, yeah, sure." Luke smiled a little awkwardly and went downstairs, closing the door behind him.

Rory stood there, looking a little shocked. "I though it was just talk, about you and Luke, but I guess Fred Jr. was right."

Lorelai came closer. "Look, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you right away, but it just happened and I didn't get a chance."

Rory stuttered a little. "Ah, no, that's okay, that wasn't necessary. It's just…wow. You and Luke?"

"Yeah, I know. It's a little weird. But I feel good about it." She smiled. "Really good."

"You do know that this means that, if you break up, we can't eat there anymore."

"I'm not planning on breaking up with him anytime soon," said Lorelai, her mouth curling up.

"These things are never planned," muttered Rory quietly. She looked really uncomfortable.

"Honey, look," said Lorelai, grabbing Rory's hand. "I think this is gonna be different. Luke is special. I feel differently about this one." She smiled. "Believe me, babe."

"Luke loves you," said Rory softly, with a wry grin on her face.

"He does."

"I love you. And I love Luke."

"Oh, hon," she said, wrapping her daughter in a big hug. "I love you so much." She pulled back, smoothing her daughter's hair. "So, are you sure you're okay with this?"

Rory smiled. "If it's good for you, then it's really good for me." She hugged her mom again. "We've been waiting for this for so long, you know."

"I know."

"How long did it take for the town to attack you this morning? Fifteen minutes?"

"Ahaha, you underestimate them. Less than five, my friend."

"Wow. Kirk must have gotten a new inhaler." The girls giggled.

Just then there came a knock at the door. "Lorelai? Rory?"

"Come in, Luke," called Rory.

He entered anxiously. "Everything okay?"

Lorelai grinned. "Oh yeah, just fine."

"I'm gonna go downstairs and talk to Jess," said Rory, kissing her mom on the cheek. "Have fun, but not too much fun. There will be two impressionable teenagers downstairs."

"Oh, it's okay, we're pretty quiet. That is, if we use the duct tape."

"Aw, geez!" flew from both Rory and Luke's mouths.

"I'm going," announced Rory. "I want to stay as innocent as I am now."

"Yeah, so do I," called Lorelai after Rory as she disappeared down the stairs.

Lorelai turned and locked the door. "Can you hear that noise?"

"What noise?"

She smiled mischievously. "Exactly." Luke came closer with a grin and wrapped his arms around her waist, moaning into her neck.

"I love it when you grunt like that. You sound like a caveman." Lorelai started giggling.

"What, do you have a thing for cavemen?"

'I do now."

"Care to elaborate?" Luke asked, kissing up her jaw.

"Well, we all know that the cavemen discovered fire, right?"

"Right." Sucking on her earlobe.

"And fire is what burned the inn down."

"Very true." Doing God knows what to her ear with his tongue.

"And though the fire at the inn seems unfortunate, it's what led me to your door last night."

"Mmmm." Down the collar of her- well, his- shirt.

"So really, we should thank the cavemen for putting us in this extremely pleasurable situation."

"Lorelai, don't you know when to stop talking?"

She smiled. "Now seems good."


Okay, I'm done! That's it for this fic. Hey, don't cry so hard, you'll mess up the keyboard. Oh my God, I have a story about that. Okay, so once I spilled water on the keyboard and it was COMPLETELY messed up, like, none of the letters worked at all. My dad took all the keys off and cleaned it and put em back on, and it was practically perfect. Except! When you pressed the 'r' it would be 'rt-' same with 4 (45), f (fg), and v (vb)! It was very annoying. But that wasn't even the worst part! Coz you think, oh, I'll just press 'delete' after those letters. Sounds easy, no? But the delete button was messed up, too! Whenever I pressed 'delete' it would go to that application's help. On AOL and AIM it was fine, I just put the little help box in the corner of the screen! But the real problem was AppleWorks (it's an old computer). The help box was in a whole different application (HelpViewer or something). So for about, what, 6 months, I had to write all my homework on STICKIES! That application that's like digital sticky notes! Yeah, I'm writing essays on sticky notes. Finally it got fixed, but whenever I used a normal computer, everything would be messed up, because it became first nature to press delete after typing an r, f, v, or 4! I was totally screwed up for months.

That was for all the rambles you'll be missing until I start my new fic. Which I will do, pretty soon. Ow, I just hit my face on the computer. That hurt.

And hey, just because this is the last chapter, that does NOT, under ANY circumstances, mean that you should not review it! Because shout-outs for last chapters can transfer onto new fics. I do it. And I'm always open to suggestions because I'm delightful like that.

Well, it's been fun. I hope I've been able to occupy your time for a little with my rambling. I know it took up a lot of mine. So you better appresh.