A/N: Enjoy the story!
This chapter has been edited.
Chapter I: Innocent No Longer
My father had been afraid that this sort of thing would happen someday. That I would invite a boy over to visit and would sleep with him while he and my mother were gone. I had been so surprised when he had agreed to let me have Ron visit for the summer. I think the only reason Ron was permitted to come was because my parents knew that I had been dating Harry for the past two years. They didn't think anything would happen.
Well something did happen.
I slept with Ron. I lost my virginity. My innocence is gone.
Right now I'm undressed under my bed covers with Ron's arms around me. Part of me feels like a dirty traitor. How could I do this to Harry? He's a good guy--no, man, and has always treated me with respect and affection. He takes care of me, makes me feel protected, and shows me nothing but love. Part of me can't believe that I let this happen.
But then part of me can. I have always known that I don't love Harry. Not in the romantic sense. Even though the world may insist that Harry is the one for me, the one I'm meant to be with, I haven't fallen in love with him. I'm not meant to be with him. If I am, then why is it that Ron is the one taking my breath away? The circumstances may pick Harry but my heart picked Ron. I can't help it that I love him, and I'm thrilled to have been so fortunate to have had sex for the first time with such a wonderful person, that I happen to be so madly in love with.
I don't feel as though I lost my virginity to the wrong person. It felt so right when we gave each other up. It was wonderful, and I love him. So much.
The funny thing is that I didn't realize how much I loved him until we did it. Well, I think I always knew I loved him, but I kept thinking that I had a silly crush on him and pushed my feelings to the back of my mind. But the truth is I love him more than any other person on this planet.
I'd give up anything for him. He makes me feel like I can be my true self around him. Like I can do something stupid and he won't judge me. Like he'd accept me even I if was the world's ugliest being. He's so completely wonderful. He's funny, he's kind, he's loyal, he's happy, he's determined, he's sweet, he's caring, he's handsome, he's perfect. I think I'd die if anything ever happened to him or if we ever stopped being friends. He means the world to me.
It's a shame he doesn't know this. We didn't have sex because we looked into each other's eyes and felt an urge to kiss each other, then got carried away. Ron and I had sex because I begged him to. That is why I invited him for the summer and neglected Harry. I asked him to sleep with me because Harry and I had agreed that when we got back to school, we would finally take that next step. But I was afraid. I was afraid that Harry was not the guy that I should be sleeping with for the first time. Afraid that I would not be able to please him if I did sleep with him. Afraid that I would mess it up. I needed experience.
So I asked Ron to help me prepare for Harry. Ron is theguy I trust most in this world, and he's the only one I'd even consider asking for something like this. He didn't understand my reasons for asking and still doesn't. He still thinks that I love Harry. When I asked him if he would do this for me, he thought I was crazy. He finally saw how serious I was and told me he needed to think about it. I asked him for this favor last April and we had been planning it since then. We talked and talked and talked about it until we finally set it up.
It would be at my house, during the summer while my parents went to a dentistry convention for three weeks. Harry would not be invited. He would never find out. He would never find out about the visit and would never find out about the sex.
I can't stop thinking about it. It was the most amazing, most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. . .
The atmosphere was perfect. The night was pitch black, the stars were out, the air was sweet, the lights were dimmed, the bed was soft, and the window was open.
Ron sat next to me on the bed. He held my hand and looked into my eyes. I shivered as his crystal blue eyes stared into mine. They were full of anxiousness and excitement.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked for the umpteenth time since I had first asked him.
I nodded. "Yes," I whispered.
"And you're aware of everything you're risking?" he questioned. "Your relationship with Harry? Your friendship with me--?"
"You and I will be friends no matter what happens." I said, cutting him off.
"I hope so." he said quietly.
I shook my head vigorously and hugged him. "I know how big this is, but you've got to stop thinking like that. I would never let you and I stop being friends. Never." I reassured him.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. We stayed embracing each other for a few moments. It was almost as though we were silently agreeing that this was it.
There was no turning back. I took in his boyish aroma as he held me, and felt slightly aroused by his vibe. He released me and kissed my cheek. He looked at me seriously, then he smiled.
"I hate to admit it, but I'm really excited." he said with a laugh, but I could detect a hint of shame in his voice.
I giggled. "Me too."
We laughed a little too hard after that and then got really quiet, after the thought of betraying Harry entered both our minds. We were silent for about two awkward minutes, avoiding each other's eyes.
"So," he said nervously. "Should we, er, start?"
I smiled bashfully and nodded. "Yes."
I lied back on my sea of pillows and smiled up at him. He looked so handsome with his baggy jeans, white tank top shirt, and unbuttoned manly blouse. His hair was really neat. It wasn't long and it wasn't short. It was just really neat. All the hairs fell in just the right spots. It looked adorable. His skin was slightly tanned, which suited him as it brought out his eyes and matched his hair. He was quite the heartthrob.
He lied down next to me and pulled me close to him. I felt his hand caress my cheek and move down to my neck. He pulled my head gently closer to his and kissed me.
As soon as his lips made contact with mine a surge of extreme heat spread throughout my body like wildfire. He was kissing me gently, softly, slowly, timidly. Our tongues made very little contact but our lips were caressing each other ever so intimately. . .ever so slowly. . .it was so romantic.
My face was beginning to get very hot after only a few moments. My lips felt like they were on fire. I felt my heart beating so loudly and hard against my chest, that I almost couldn't hear anything. I couldn't breathe. I needed air.
I cut off our kiss very abruptly and grabbed my chest. It felt like I had just come up from water after hours.
Ron looked me, confused and concerned as he watched me breathing so intensely and deeply. "Are you alright?" he asked. I caught my breath and looked at him. He looked upset. Disappointed.
"Yes I'm fine." I gasped, still a little short of breath. "I'm just nervous."
He smiled at me knowingly. "Are you absolutely positive you want this?" he asked, again.
"Yes Ron." I responded honestly. "I've never wanted anything so badly."
He looked into my eyes again, and I could see that he didn't believe I was so completely sure about this. I worried that he might change his mind.
"Are you sure that you want to do this?" I asked, turning the question around on him.
He looked at me sharply. "I'd do anything for you." he said. "You're my best friend and I would die for you."
That wasn't the type of answer I was looking for. I was looking for a nod or a "Yes." Not an answer full of charity.
"Yes, but are you ready to lose your virginity? Do you want to have sex? And most importantly, do you want to do it with me?" I asked with slight desperation. What if I had planned this without him wanting to go through with it in the first place? "I know you said you're excited, but please be serious."
He sighed. "Hermione, I wouldn't want to lose my virginity to anybody else. You're the girl I know most in my life, and I care about you more than anybody. Besides, I don't trust any other guy other than me handling you."
I smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist. He pulled me so close to him that there was hardly a gap for us to be available to breathe. He enveloped my lips in a slow kiss again.
His tongue massaged mind with a sweet gentleness. He maneuvered it perfectly, as though he knew what my tongue was about to do before he made his move. Our lips took each other in with such ease and comfort that it felt as though they were made for each other. I felt his grip on me loosen, and felt him get the hair off my face with one of his wonderful hands. He put his hand on my neck and pulled me even closer.
His kissing was so sweet and cute and good. It made me feel like I was thirteen again and was getting kissed for the first time. I felt goofy. There were butterflies in my stomach fluttering like mad. I couldn't help but let out a giggle.
Ron stopped kissing and looked at me curiously. I shook my head and pulled him in again. I kissed him a little harder this time with slightly more speed. As he kissed me with such perfection, I couldn't help but wonder who had taught him how to kiss so well. I knew he had had girlfriends, but how much time did he spend practicing? He was an expert, practically.
Our kissing was getting heavier. Our breathing was getting louder, and our tongues were moving more intensely, but still very slowly. I think Ron likes slow kisses better than fast kisses. I like both, but when I get into it, then speed can't help but get faster. I kept trying to speed it up, but he kept slowing it down.
It felt like heaven. Every time I'd get really heavy and would start to pick up the pace, his tongue caught mine and turned it all the way back, to the opposite direction that it was originally going. It tickled and made me throb. I was starting to get fast again, but he caught me and winded my tongue back again.
I moaned with a sigh.
He rolled on top of me and began to kiss me slower than we kissing before. He was torturing me. Why was he doing this? How could he do this? Didn't he have the need to kiss me faster too? Hiskissing skillswere a gift from God. How could hedo it so perfectly? How could he massage my lipswith such expertise? I pulled him down by the neck harder.
He continued to kiss me with his slow pace. I had to practice extreme self-containment. He wouldn't let me kiss him with the quickness that I wanted, and had me squished beneath his body. He was licking my tongue, and sliding my lips between his. I was moaning and groaning in agony. We kissed forwhat seemed likean hour at that pace, and by the endI was shaking and throbbing and out of breath. My body was sweaty and aching from being under his built body for such a long time.
He began kissing me more intensely than he had been kissing me that entire time. He was bringing his tongue more and more into my throat, he was moving it slower than ever, and my lips were captured in his. He finally brought his tongue so far back that I had to lift my head a little to bear it. He ended the kiss, making me moan louder than ever. A surge of liquid suddenly escaped my area.
"Are you okay?" Ron asked, saying something for the first time since we started.
I smiled and nodded my head. He lifted himself off of my body, and helped me sit up. My muscles were sore already, and we had only been kissing. I couldn't help but feel a bit pathetic.
I also couldn't help comparing Ron and Harry. They were both very sweet and wonderful, but very different. Harry never tried to keep a slow pace. He went with the flow. Ron controlled the flow, as though he knew what would be better later on. Harry did not have much instinct and simply moved his tongue wherever it went. Ron was very intuitive and always knew what my moves are going to be. Harry tends to talk a lot when kissing. Ron doesn't talk at all. Harry doesn't like looking into my eyes. Ron does. Harry causes meto feelaroused. Ron causes me to feel butterflies.
"How do you feel?" I asked Ron, who staring into space and taking deep breaths.
He looked at me in the eyes again, making me shiver. His eyes were hazy. He looked unsure about something, and again I got a worrying feeling. I couldn't tell what he was feeling.
"Great," he said. It sounded like an honest answer. He smiled at me. I sighed with relief and smiled back.
He picked me up and sat me on his lap. He kissed me lightly on the lips and whispered, "Are you ready?"
I nodded. I could feel the nerves rising. This was it.
He began to unbutton my blouse very slowly. I was looking at him the whole time. He seemed happy, but there was just something else in his eyes. . .What was it? Was it the guilt of feeling like a traitor to Harry? He was on my last button, but before he unbuttoned it, I kissed him suddenly. He looked surprised by my sudden spontaneity.
I smiled at him and took a deep breath. He unbuttoned the last button and gently slid the blouse off my body. He stared at my bra and my chest for a moment, looking surprised. I rolled my eyes. Contrary to popular belief I am not a small size. I just prefer to hide the existence of mybreasts.
He glanced at me as though asking for permission. I nodded, letting him know that it was okay. He put his arms around my back and unhooked my bra. I was very pleased to find that once he took it off I didn't feel uncomfortable about him seeing my body. He handled it very well, also. He just smiled a sincere smile at me.
He began to kiss my neck and caress my body. I could feel the tickling sensation from the kisses he was spilling on my neck and the gentle touch from his hands on my back and chest. It was incredible how much at ease I felt with him. I was beginning to feel that Ron is the only guy who possesses the right to touch me like that. He knew just how treat me, and just how to please me.
As he started to kiss and lick my breasts, I began to remove his clothing. I took off his blouse and shirt and admired his body. Ever since he had joined the Quidditch team his physique had definitely improved, and I had no (and still don't have) complaints. I took my time kissing and touching his body.
He pulled me close to him and started kissing my neck again. I did the same with his.
I was getting so caught up in the intimacy we were sharing that words just started spilling out of my mouth without control.
"You're the most wonderful guy I've ever been with. . ." I said with a moan.
"Shhhhh. . ." he whispered. He was kissing me all over, and was concentrating on making love to me.
I suddenly could not stop talking.
"But it's true. . ." I gasped between the several kisses I was spreading on his chest.
"Don't say that," he said, as he laid me down on my back.
I frowned. "Why not?" I asked.
"You're in love with Harry." he responded.
I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't, but before I could even start a sentence he placed himself on top of me and began to kiss me. Fast this time.
He kissed me with passion and lust, with fire and life. He expertly maneuvered his tongued around my own and trapped my lips into his. I tried to keep up with him and made my tongue battle with his. They clashed and spilled onto each other. It was wonderful. We kissed with the same passion for what seemed like ages. We started to slow down our pace, but the intensity of our intimacy was getting more and more heated. He continued to kiss me, but I felt his hand go down to the zipper of my jeans.
We sat up again and shared one long, slow, passionate kiss before finally taking the last step. Our lips separated. Ron unzipped my pants, and I assisted in pulling them off. I then unzipped his jeans and took them off with his help. We looked at each other and shared one last smile. I slid off his trousers as he kissed me with very deep intensity. He took off my underwear, and again, I was so happy to realize how comfortable I felt with showing myself to him.
We took a few moments to admire each other. I wasn't disappointed.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was a big moment in my life. I was no longer a child. In a few momentsI would no longer be pure.
I'm ready. I want this.
I laid down on back as an indication that I was prepared. Ron hunched himself over me and blew me a kiss. I kept my eyes closed. I heard this was painful the first time.
"I'll be gentle." I heard Ron say softly.
I was breathing deeper than I ever had before, and I could hear Ron doing the same. I felt Ron getting himself ready, and before I knew it, it happened.
Ron had pulled in and it certainly had been painful. Incredibly painful. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but he had seen it.
"Sorry." he whispered. He truly did sound sorry.
I shook my head. "Don't worry."
He started to slowly move his way around inside me. The pain was still there, but I was enjoying it anyhow. As he pulled in and pulled out repeatedly, I began to get used to it. But suddenly it was as though I had finished having an epiphany.
Ron and I were together. We were united by our bodies. We were sharing an incredible bond. It felt like something spiritual had just happened. Ron and I were together. We were no longer virgins. We had given each other up. We had shared an incredible act of love and unity.
I opened my eyes and saw Ron. He seemed emotional too. But he didn't seem sad by any of it like I feared he might. He seemed happy. But there was still something strange in his eyes. Something I couldn't decipher.
He started to work his body faster. The pain was starting to go away and was being overshadowed by pleasure. When he entered my body it felt like nothing else in the world. It was wonderful. It was miraculous. Both he and I were starting to get very sticky and wet.
I started to moan and so did he. He was starting to move faster, but not too fast either. The quicker he went the better I felt. The better I felt the louder I moaned. The louder I moaned, the louder he moaned. The more we moaned the faster we went. It was a cycle.
The moments passed by and we kept getting sweatier and sweatier. We kept switching positions. We kept kissing. We kept having sex. Frankly, we just had one heck of a night.
We stopped having sex after a couple of hours. I don't know exactly how many. The time flew by. But since we started at around midnight, topped two hours ago, and sunlight is streaming into the room, I'm guessing we were at it for a while.
Ron's arms tighten around me. I smile and kiss them then snuggle closer to him. I love the feel of his body. I love him. I wish we could do this every night for the rest of our lives. I'm pretty sure that Harry would never be able excite me in such a strong way like Ron. No other man is capable of making me feel euphoric madness.
But I'm Harry's girlfriend, not Ron's. I still have to remain loyal to him. He can never find out about this. Ron and I are going to have to make an incredible effort to keep this quiet.
But I don't want to keep it quiet. I want to shout out for the world to hear that Ron and I had sex and that I am in love with him.
I sigh again.
I can't do that. Ron doesn't even know I love him. I can't just blurt my feelings out like that. Especially with the circumstances I'm under. I just hope I can handle this next year at school.
I kiss Ron's arm again and close my eyes.