Title: Bedtime Stories for Little Girls
Rating: PG-13 (for violence?)
Pairing/Character/s: Kenpachi, Yachiru
Word Count:
Warning/s: No spoilers, just weirdness and OMG THE LAME.
Summary: Yachiru wants a story.
Dedication: tomomichi- I'm thrilled you seem to like my Kenpachi stuff (or at least, some of it...hope you like this one too).
A/N: Who said I was stopping at 100:P

"Ken-chan, read me a story!"

Zaraki blinked as Yachiru bound up to him, landing in his lap with a squishy sort of thud. He studied her carefully. "Uh… that's just blood, right?"


"Just makin' sure," he grunted, taking the end of his sleeve and using it to wipe her face off so he could actually see it. "You didn't swallow any of that, didja?"


"You're a mess."

"Ken-chan too!" the little vice-captain accused, pointing to a couple of red splatters that had long ago dried on the side of his cheek.

"Che, well, I got more of 'em than you," he shot back, eyeing her challengingly.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "'s 'cuz Ken-chan just cuts away with no finesse. Baldy-shiny-smooth-head said so."

Kenpachi's eye narrowed. "Yeah well, he's got a retarded dance."

"It's funny!" Yachiru giggled, though she didn't say that it wasn't retarded. "Ne, Ken-chan…read me a story now, okay?"

He sighed. "Stupid. I didn't bring a book here with me."

She pointed to some of the dead bandits littering the area immediately around them. "Ne…ask them."

"Uh, think they're dead, kiddo."

She pouted. "Nuh uh! That one's not!" she indicated one of the twitching, less maimed bodies behind him. "Ask, ask!"

Kenpachi sighed, but decided to humor her considering she was getting fussy. "Fine. Geez." The eleventh division captain, currently in plainclothes, stood up and toed the twitching man with one foot. "Oi…"


"Got any books?"


Zaraki toed him back onto his face. "Don't think they got any, Yachiru."

She pouted fiercely. "That's no fun!"

"Oi, quit with the eyes, wouldja? How 'bout I just make one up for you?"

"Really? Waaaah, Ken-chan's the best!"

Sitting back down, Kenpachi grunted and stretched out his legs, using one of the defeated bodies as a footrest. Yachiru climbed happily back into his lap.

"Uh… let's see. Once there was a guy."

"What was his name?"

"Um… Bob. I dunno. Bob."


"And one day, Bob ran into a guy that looked a little smaller'n him."

"What did he do?"

"Well, he decided that since the guy was smaller'n him, he could uh… beat him up and take his money."

"Bob's not very nice!"

"Just listen, wouldya?"


"Um…anyway, Bob threatened the guy and asked him to give him all his money. And his women, if he had any."

Yachiru's nose wrinkled. "Why would he want the women?"

"Cuz he was a pervert, okay? Pay attention."


"Anyway, the guy was smaller'n Bob by a little bit, but he was also really pissed off that day."


"Cuz Bob tried to take his money, why else would he be pissed?"

"He wanted his women too, remember?"

"Well that's not as important as his money, now shut up or I ain't tellin' you the rest."

"Aye-aye sir!"

"Anyway, the guy was pissed. So he killed Bob."

Yachiru looked up at Kenpachi with big eyes. "And then?"

"That's it. The end."

The pink haired death god looked thoughtful, chin resting in both hands. "Did he kill him with finesse?"

"Sure. Tons of it."

She lit up. "Yay! That was a good story, Ken-chan!"

Kenpachi looked pleased with himself. "Yeah, that wasn't half bad, was it?"

In the background, twitching guy groaned. "Please…kill…me."

Growling, Kenpachi did.

And took his money.

Just because.