Disclaimer: I still don't own them.

Summary: A heat wave is sweeping Port Charles and it's showing Jason that Hurricane Carly has nothing on Tropical Storm Courtney. A really, really, random Journey one-shot.

Author's Note: Well… some of you are going to read this and laugh. Some of you are going to read it and think, well, that was cute, and others… most likely the majority of you, are going to read this and think wow, Nicole's insane. That's quite possibly true, but can you really blame me? I'm stuck in an upstairs apartment with NO central air or air conditioning and it's been 88-94 degrees for the last 9 days in a row. The heat has made me slightly loopy, and well, I based some of this on a lot of experiences I've had with former roommates and the rest is based on really random 3 AM conversations.

With that being said, Thank you Asia for all of your help!

This is the part where I say Reviews are never required but always appreciated. I wonder what I'll hear back on this one.

Keep in mind… this is just a drabble. A long drabble, but that's okay. There is no plot really! It's just fun!

And slightly AU.

If You Can't Take the Heat…

"I want a monkey."

The door slid shut behind Jason as he just stared at the figure stretched out upside down on his couch. He had heard that prolonged exposure to heat could do things to a person's mind and Port Charles was suffering through the worst heat wave in twenty-six years. They were on their eighth straight day of one hundred and two degree temperatures and he was almost convinced that Courtney had indeed gone crazy.

"Hi to you too." He said, throwing his car keys down on the desk.

She tore her eyes away from her show finally to look at him. "I want a monkey," she repeated. He sat down next to her and looked at the television to check that she was in fact watching something on this particular animal. She was watching cartoons. Yes, the heat had definitely gotten to her.

"We're not getting a monkey," he said finally.

"Speed racer has a monkey."

"Speed racer isn't real and neither is his monkey."

"Says you." She sighed and turned her eyes back to the show. "You're home early," she remarked.

He stared at her curiously. She was still upside down, her head resting on a pillow strategically placed on the floor, her legs flung over the back of the couch. "Is this what you do every day when I'm gone?" She shrugged which he assumed wasn't an easy feat from her position.

"Michael was here earlier," she said. "It looked comfortable."

"Is it?"

"It's growing on me." He watched in appreciation as she turned her head to the side and sipped at her drink through a bright pink straw.

"Right." His eyes traveled around the couch until he spotted the remote control. He leaned over and grabbed it before she could protest and changed channels.

"Hey!" She fell sideways and righted herself up to glare at him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Checking the news," he said as he flipped through channels. "So what did you do all day, hang out with Michael?"

"For awhile. Carly had to take Morgan to GH, the poor kid. He was a little dehydrated, but he's doing better now." She settled into the couch next to him and stared at the television as he scanned through. She hated when he had the remote, he would stop on one channel long enough to pique her interest and then he would change it. Usually, she didn't think he did it on purpose, but there were days she wasn't so sure. Like today.

"It's hot," she complained as she lifted her ponytail off of her neck and swished it around.

"It's worse outside," he replied without looking at her. They'd been through this the last six days. The first two days of the heat wave hadn't bothered Courtney, no, in fact, she had been excited about it, exclaiming how much she loved balmy weather and it would be like they were on some tropical vacation. Then the fourth day rolled around and Jason discovered a whole new personality of hers. The one that got whiny when she was overheated and complained about everything. It had been cute for a while, but his patience was wearing thin, and Jason was if anything, a patient man.

But he gave her the benefit of the doubt. He knew she was uncomfortable and he tried to make things bearable for her, but he was quickly running out of ideas and so for the most part, he did something he had often done with Carly. Let her complain to her heart's content but barely speak a word back to her. She seemed happy enough to just complain, she didn't expect him to fix it for her.

Except that she did. Courtney watched Jason out of the corner of her eye. He wasn't even watching the television he was flipping through too fast to see anything. Not that she was really watching anything when he had come home, but still. She reached over and snagged the remote from his hands.

"Sure Courtney, I didn't see anything I wanted to watch."

"Like you could even tell." She clicked past the channels in the same fashion he had. Pausing on infomercials for longer than necessary, skimming right past the news channels, making sure to listen to each song on all thirty-three music stations.

"Are you trying to annoy me?"

"Can I have a monkey?"


"Then yes." She tried to protest as he grabbed the remote back from her and switched the television to a sports channel. Soccer, she stared in disbelief. In the entire time I've known him, he's never expressed any interest in soccer. She lunged for the remote but he was waiting and held it just out her reach and she almost fell off of the couch, which elicited a chuckle from him and another glare from her.

Yes, he thought, pretending to watch the soccer game. Heat definitely does not agree with her.

"Hah!" She procured the remote and switched channels again, smirking as she found an episode of the Golden Girls. She looked sideways and saw him staring at her. "It's my favorite episode," she said lamely knowing he wasn't going to believe her. She tried to hide the remote underneath her but he managed to get it from her and she launched herself onto his lap as they struggled over the thin block of plastic, each pushing the buttons on it as they fought.

"Jase, come on! Just. Let—"

"Let go," he warned. She didn't so he snaked an arm underneath her, tickling her sides. She shrieked but still didn't let go of the remote, choosing instead to dig her elbow into his ribcage. He pulled away from her and switched the channel defiantly. She made another attempt to grab it, and he felt her teeth graze his arm as she did.

"Did you just bite me?"

"Yep." She turned the channel again and cursed as he pinned her to the couch as he got a hold of the remote this time. They were laughing as they struggled now, alternating on who was actually turning the channels.

"Come on! I was here first, you don't even like TV!" Courtney tried to get up but he had tight against the cushions. She managed to get her hand on the remote with his and they both gripped it. There was a loud noise and their heads both turned to the set, the screen now blank.

"You broke it!"

"It's not broken." Jason hit a few buttons but nothing happened. "It probably just froze up," he guessed.

"Well now what?" She asked, blowing her bangs off of her forehead. She watched as Jason stared down at her, his eyes traveling the length of her body. When his eyes returned to hers they held a familiar look in them.

"Right now? Are you kidding me?" She stared at him in disbelief.

"Well why not?" He couldn't stop looking at her. While the heat definitely didn't agree with her, he couldn't help but appreciate the flush on her skin.

"It's way too hot for that." She stood up from the couch and headed for the kitchen.

Jason followed her. "It's no hotter than it has been the last week and you haven't said anything until now," he pointed out. He leaned against the counter as she pulled a pitcher of iced tea from the refrigerator and refilled her glass.

"You're right," she agreed. She offered him a glass but he refused, instead taking a beer for himself.

"So I don't understand," he argued as they headed back for the living room. "You wanted to yesterday."

"Oh honey." She smiled sweetly at him as she took a sip from her glass. "No I didn't." She patted him on the knee and grabbed a magazine from the coffee table.

"Oh." He sat back and took a drink of his beer as he watched her turn pages.

"But speaking of that," she didn't look up from the magazine. "You need to clip your nails, there's a long scratch on my back."

"How do you know it's my fault?"

"I can't reach that part of my back," she said simply, turning another page. "I've noticed it for a few days though, just kept forgetting to mention it."

"I see. Anything else you'd care to tell me that you don't like about our love life?" He stared at her as she crossed one leg over the other.

"Um, no I think that's about it. Well, unless you want to talk about that growl thing you do sometimes."

"Growl thing?"

"Yes. You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I can't say I do. Is it anything like your giggling?"

She finally looked up from the magazine. "What's wrong with my giggling?"

"You giggle all the time."

"It's cute."

"Okay." He smirked as she threw a pillow at him.

"It is!" She rolled her eyes as he just shrugged. "Fine, anything else you want to tell me about our love life? The love life, may I remind you, that you wanted to continue with not ten minutes ago?"

"No, we're fine as long as you don't plan on springing some move from that magazine on me again."

"Why not?" She crossed her legs again, situating herself so that she sat Indian-style and rested her hands on her knees. He tried not to stare.

"Just because" He picked up the magazine she had set aside and held it up for her. "Cosmo says it's easy doesn't necessarily mean it is. Need I remind you of the pulled muscles last week?"

"We should have stretched," she said solemnly as she nodded her agreement. They stared had at each other, each trying not to smile first but they broke around the same and Jason made another remark about her giggling.

"You should quit while you're ahead," she said, taking her hair out of its ponytail and redoing it. She felt his eyes on her as she stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned down to touch her toes.

"Jason, I'm bored," she said a few minutes later. "Entertain me."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I already gave you an option." He took another drink of his beer.

"Yes, you did." She surprised him then, straddling him and taking the bottle from his hand. "Cold," she said appreciatively, holding the bottle between her breasts. She leaned down and gave him a kiss. "I didn't kiss you yet," she realized. He shook his head and she kissed him again, wriggling around in his lap, trying to get comfortable. Jason was about to wrap his arms around her when she pulled away and sighed. "Nope, it is too hot for this," she decided, moving off of his lap and picking up her magazine again.

He groaned and finished off his beer. Tropical Storm Courtney was in full force today and the mood swings were wearing thin. "I'll be back," he said, heading for the kitchen.

"Bring me on too please!" she called after him.

When Jason came back into the living room he found her playing with a deck of cards. "Thanks Baby," she said, taking the beer he handed her. "You wanna play cards?"


"Poker," she clarified. "Strip if you want."

"Do you think I've forgotten the last time we played?" he asked, lifting the bottle to his mouth again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said innocently as she shuffled the cards.

"Really? You don't remember hustling me?"

"Oh that," she rolled her eyes. "We both ended up naked Jason. You didn't complain then."

"We're not playing poker," he said. "Or any other card game you may have learned in Atlantic City."

"The heat's making you cranky," she noted. Jason wanted to scream. Instead he just stood up and walked towards the pool table.

"If you say so dear," he said, dropping a kiss on her head as he passed her. He racked up the balls and concentrated on playing. He could hear Courtney humming to herself in the background.

"TV's still broken," she announced loudly, coming up behind him. He jumped and the pool stick clattered against the table. "Can I play?"

"You hate pool," he said, sinking another ball.

"No I don't. Well, not really. I've been practicing some though." She perched herself on the edge of the table. "We'll play strip pool!" she offered.

"If you're that hot just take off your clothes already," Jason said, taking another shot.

"It's no fun if I just take them off!" she protested. "This way, we both have fun."

"I wanted to have fun, and you said it was too hot."

"It is! Where are you going?" she hopped off the table and followed him over to the terrace doors. "What are you doing?" she asked as he closed the screens. He walked into the hallway with her on his heels. "Jason?"

"I'm turning the air conditioning on," he explained.

"No don't!" She stopped his hand on the dial and then walked back into the den, opening the screens again.

"It will cool down a lot faster in here with it on," he said patiently.

"But it gives me a headache," she pouted. "That's why I turned it off."

"There's aspirin in the medicine cabinet," he said, shutting the screens again. She opened them again and darted past him into the hallway.

"Pick your battles Jason," she said, holding up a bag of candy he hadn't seen her grab. "You can have a very happy wife who loves you very much and will show you just that as soon as the sun goes down." She winked at him. "Or you can have a wife with a headache for a Very. Long. Time." She held up the candy. "And with that, you'll also have an air conditioner full of Skittles. It's your choice."

He sighed. "If you complain about the heat one more time," he started to threaten but stopped halfway.

She smiled widely. "I won't," she promised, crossing her heart and kissing his nose. "You're a prince. Really. Nikolas has nothing on you."

"That's reassuring," he muttered as she walked back into the den, chattering about something she had done with Emily the other day.

"So can I play?" she asked, picking up the stick he had left on the table. She handed it to him at the look on his face. "How about you play this game and I'll play the next one with you?"

"Okay," he said finally. Part of him hoped she would go back into the living room, but no such luck. She sat herself down on the edge again and watched him, still gossiping. She finished her story about Emily and moved on to something Carly had done earlier in the day. She talked about everything, going as far as to recite the monologue from one of the talk shows she had watched as he slept last night.

"Courtney!" His voice came out sharper than he intended and a look of hurt crossed over her face. He sighed and handed her the pool stick. Take the rest of these shots as practice shots and then we'll play," he said, smiling at her. He went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, as he figured he should lay off the beer for a bit. The pitcher of water in the fridge had about four teaspoons of water in it. No problem, he turned the tap on, letting the water run into the sink. He swore when he opened the freezer and was greeted by four empty ice trays. The fifth one held a single ice cube. He went about refilling everything and opened another bottle of beer. He was going to need it if he was going to make it through the night with strangling his beautiful, cranky wife.

"You ready?" he asked, coming back over to the pool table.

"Yep." She handed him the stick. "You can break," she said.

"Why?" He looked at her curiously.

"I'm hot Jason," she stated. She held up her hand. "I'm not complaining I'm not! But for every ball you sink, I get to take something off." She grinned. "In forty-five seconds, I should be good."

He shook his head and sighed. "All right." He waited for her to move out of the way and aimed to shoot. The stick slid through his fingers with expertise but the cue ball barely scattered the balls, sinking none of them. He looked up at Courtney who stared at him open-mouthed.

"My fingers slipped," he said casually as he handed the stick to her. She lined up a shot and sunk two striped balls. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means you get to take off two pieces of clothing," she said, staring at him almost enviously.

"Oh." He smiled at her and peeled the t-shirt from his chest, and then bent to take off his shoes. "Go again."

She missed and it was his turn. He missed again, this time sinking the cue ball instead.

She looked at him curiously and he shrugged. "The stick is slippery," he explained. "Maybe your lotion got on it?"

"I'm not wearing any," she said tightly. She sunk another ball and eyed him as he stepped out of his jeans, tossing them aside. She missed the next shot. Jason's cell phone rang then and he looked at it, but didn't answer it, just set it aside. "You're not going to answer that?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't anything important," he said.

"Since when? You never let that it just ring. You answer that phone no matter what the situation is, no matter what we're doing." Her voice rose slightly.

"One time Courtney!" he said exasperatedly.

"Yeah well, it was the wrong time if you catch my drift buddy." She shoved the stick at him. "Your turn."

He laughed at her, purposely missing an overly easy shot.

"You're cheating!" she accused.

He laughed at her again. "Come here," he said, lying the stick down on the table and holding his hands out to her. She looked at him suspiciously, backing up a step. "Come here," he repeated, chuckling. He took her wrist and pulled her the rest of the way to him. "Let's forget pool for now," he said, wrapping his arms around her.

"But I—"

"I know, I know." He kissed her. "I'll tell you what, I'll just take your clothes off for you," he suggested. "Because I always have fun doing that." He picked up the hem of her tank top and drew it over her head slowly, tossing it onto the pool table. "See?" he said, running his hands over her. "We're having fun already, aren't we?"

"I guess," she admitted, leaning in to kiss him again. "Yes, we're definitely having fun," she agreed, pulling him into the living room, leaving a trail of clothing in their wake.

They had definitely reached the eye of the storm, Jason realized as Courtney led him over to the couch and continued kissing him. She was calm, she was placid, she was docile even, as they innocently kissed. Well, as innocent as they could be sans clothes. He wasn't going to do anything to disturb the peace; he wasn't going to test the waters. No, Jason was content as long as Courtney was content.

Until she pushed him off of her, sending him tumbling to the floor. "No, it's too hot!" she complained again and he felt like slamming his head against the coffee table.

"What is it that you want me to do Courtney?" he asked through clenched teeth, not moving from his spot on the floor. "I tried to turn on the AC and you complained. I played pool with you when you wanted to and you complained. I took your clothes off you in a fun way like you wanted." He was all too aware of how stupid this conversation was. "And you complained. What do you want? Because all I want is for you to stop complaining and shut up!"

"Shut up? You want me to shut up?"

"Could you?"

"Nice Jason, real nice." She got up from the couch and began pacing. "So I talk a lot, big flipping deal. You don't talk at all, it equals out."

"How can I talk when I can't get a word in edgewise?"

"Ass!" The word was out of her mouth before she could stop it and before he knew it, he sent the coffee table flying across the room. It hit the wall and broke into several pieces of wood and glass.

They both just stared at it, unsure of what to say or do.

"Great, just great." Courtney sighed, breaking the silence. "I suppose I have to clean that up now."

"Not naked you won't, you'll hurt yourself," he said automatically. He couldn't believe the absurd things coming from his mouth today and he started laughing, much to Courtney's chagrin. He continued to laugh though and eventually she joined in and they both laughed hysterically.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm being such a bitch to you and you don't deserve it."

"It's okay," he said, pulling her into his arms again. "The heat's making everyone a little crazy, we just have to deal with it."

"But you're more than dealing with it. You're being a saint and I'm being the wicked witch of Port Charles." She sniffed. "I'm sorry Jason, I really am." She rested her head on his chest and he played with her ponytail. "When is it going to cool off?" she asked in a small voice.

"Soon," he said, praying to God he was right. "We just have to tough it out," he said, rubbing circles into her back.

"You're right." She pulled back. "I'll make you a deal," she said.

"A deal?"

She nodded. "If you clean up the mess from the table, I'll do my best not to let all of these little things bother me. No, I won't let anything bother me for the rest of the heat wave," she promised.

"I have to clean up the mess?"

"You threw the table," she pointed out.

"Well you frustrated me." He pointedly looked at her naked body.

"And you won't buy me a monkey."

"I'll clean up the table," he said, suddenly very tired and not wanting to talk about the monkey again.

"Good. I'll start dinner." She smiled at him, her mood having improved drastically. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," he said, sliding back into his boxers. "I'm not hungry."

"Not hungry?" She rested her hands on her hips and looked at him accusingly. "So what, you don't like my cooking now?"

"Whatever you want to make is fine Courtney," he said as he bent down to sweep up the remains of their coffee table.

"Well it's going to have to be seeing as how you won't tell me what you want!" she said bitingly before flouncing into the kitchen.

"Shortest truce ever," he muttered sarcastically as he kicked at a piece of wood. He got everything taken care of and when he turned around he was surprised to see Courtney standing behind him. "I thought you were making dinner."

She shook her head. "It's too hot to cook," she said with a wink. She took his hand and led him towards the stairs.

"Where are we going?" he asked as she led him up and into their bedroom.

"I turned on the air in the bedroom," she said, pushing him down onto the bed. She smiled again as she kissed him and all Jason could do was hope that the third time was indeed the charm.