Failure

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. If I did, I would have picked someone else to play Anakin in the movies.

Warnings: Angst and Spoilers.


It's my fault, you know. I could have stopped it. I could have prevented it all. If I had just tried harder to reach him. If I had just let my emotions show through once and let him know how much we loved him.

How much I loved him.

How did I miss the signs? How did I miss that he was in doubt, that he was confused and didn't know who or what to believe? How did I miss that he was in crisis and needed support? How did I miss it?

He tried to tell me; I know that is why he was reluctant to spy on Palpatine. He knew that something was wrong. He knew that something with… maybe within himself was wrong. He couldn't say it, but he was trying to tell me.

But I just didn't hear. Maybe I just wasn't willing to.

And then, I left him to flounder on his own, while I went on a mission. He had no one else to turn to.

Sure, he has… had friends, but many of them died during the war or were away at the time. And the other masters… well, he has always been distrustful of them. He could always tell that they were watching him, just waiting for him to make a mistake. They always watched so closely because he was prophesized.

He could never just be, like the rest of us. He always had to be perfect. He was never allowed to be anything else, not even himself.

I was all he really had, and even then, I was just like the others. I always expected him to be some kind of super human because of who he was. I was his friend, but even I didn't really see him or know him for that matter. I never really knew the Anakin deep inside…

…because he was supposed to be the Chosen One.

He was supposed to be the Chosen One. He was supposed to help us, save us.

Not murder us by the thousands. Not leave the Temple in ruins. Not slaughter all the younglings, the same ones who looked up to him and wanted to be just like him… never seeing the real person underneath. Never seeing that he was just as scared and confused as everyone else.

He was just better at hiding it.

But in the end, I can't really blame him for betraying us because we have been betraying him all along. Not in the strictly literal sense, but we still betrayed him. We expected him to be something he was not. We expected him to be something he could never be.

In the end, I can't blame him. It's just as much our fault as it is his.

It's just as much my fault because I wasn't there when he needed me the most. In the end, I am the one to blame.

I was his master, his friend, his brother… but I never really knew him at all. I never knew him until it was far too late, until it was too late for the boy I have cared after most of his life.

I have failed. I have failed us all.

But most of all, I have failed him.


Ever Hopeful,

Azar