Warnings: SLASH! SLASH! SHONEN-AI! SLASH SLASH SHONEN-AI!
…well now that I've scarred off the non-slash happy fans…
A/N: Oh. GOD. Another fic. But at least this is a sign that the will to write is returning! I am actually writing more now!
Overlay: Zero's known X so long that he's confident that he could write a book on him, or at least get a few dozen facts out while he's talking himself out of the glare of death.
I OWN NOTHING! Certainly none of the characters portrayed here, not even the plot, because I'm sure it's been done somewhere, sometime…
…And would you believe this thing started because of one really hard to remember word?
Chapter 1: Words of Wisdom (often ignored)
In an ideal world life would go something like this:
X: I hate you Zero!
Zero: O.o Whaaa?
X: You're so insensitive!
Zero: Yeah well, you're a pansy
Zero: …I'm sorry?
X: Yay/hugs and maybe a few other things that the author isunable able to describe in detail, perhaps because Imbri likes her account here… use your imagination people./
…well, a nice thought, but…
"Zero," The way people could say something so brightly, with such a serene, cheerful face but still somehow make it sound like a death threat boggled the mind. Because as bright and calm as it sounded, complete with the wide smile and the closed, '' shaped eyes, it was just a sign of the apocalypse. It was the calm before the storm, the dead silence before the bomb went off, the moment of peace before all hell broke loose… and all that other dramatic crap that Zero didn't pay much attention to.
"Go. To. Hell!" It was a hiss, complimenting the scowl that replaced the smile in a change of personality that would have made most heads spin.
Zero just blinked and wondered how his friend went from perky if not a little whiny to moody if not a lot bitchy in two seconds flat.
…He would have almost preferred the whine.
And contrary to belief, he had enough self-preservation instinct to not say that out loud. But not enough to keep his mouth entirely shut, because that is just not Zero.
"You're taking this too personally!" Zero cried back, throwing his hands up in the air, a plea to the powers that be to help him.
And god looked down upon Zero and said, 'It will be a cold day in hell!'
"How else am I supposed to take it?" The calm tone was back, but that was only a sign that he was just more screwed than before. And a reasonable person, with reasonable logic behind their ideals might ask, why?
Because after all the years of seeing X through ups and downs, he could identify the signs. In fact, Zero was confident that he could write a book about X.
Yakasa X Light, by Zero Omega.
It had a nice ring to it. If he included some tidbits about his personal life, he could probably make a mint. "Like an adult!" Zero cried, resisting the urge to shake the blue reploid until he heard something rattle around in that thick skull.
1) With X's usually (sans post/pre battle) positive mood, it's easy to notice something amiss when he starts responding with smart remarks.
"Oh, and you'd know /so/ much about that, wouldn't you?"
"Look, I didn't mean to call you prudish, stuck-up, slow, or moody! It just kind of happened!" Okay, so maybe it hadn't just kind of happened. He'd kind of just assaulted (read: maimed) a member of X's unit, and he was having a field day over it. And so they had kind of just started arguing, which in the end, degraded to name-calling as per usual. And then things just kind of went downhill from there, until it had just kind of boiled over until they were where they were now: Standing in the hallways with random Hunters taking one look at the feuding pair and doing a 180 back the way they came.
Really, everyday events (normal hazards of the job) and it shouldn't have been a big surprise to the units anymore. In fact, it was probably more the fact that X looked just about ready to do something unpacifistic, like throw Zero through that nearby glass window, that was making them edgy.
"Things like that don't 'just happen'. You have to have been thinking them for a while!"
Something about the way X snapped that… "…I should have added obstreperous or stentorophonic(1) in there…"
2) Cursing; X, goody-goody little Boy Scout that he is frowns upon cursing unless he feels there's a good reason for it. Therefore, the appearance of this in his sentences is a telltale sign that his patience is currently fraying.
"What the hell did you just say!"
"…That you have an abnormally loud voice?"
3) When the sentences disappear altogether, leaving just the cursing, it's time to rethink your approach.
"…" He opened his mouth to say something, rethought it and opted for glaring. "Fuck. You."
"There you go, taking things too personally again!"
4) Most people, including the author, will ignore the wisdom of #3, leading to 4: The absence of words all together and the angry retreat.
"Oy X!" He called, speeding up his strides to catch up.
"You can't ignore me forever!" he frowned, grabbing his arm and whirling him around.
5) As often as X has to fight due to his status as a Hunter, he likes to avoid violence whenever possible. At the same time, due to the fact that he's adorable and, simply put, jump-able, he can and will resort to hostile diplomacy when provoked.
Zero didn't actually feel the need to take heed of that last one, but figured he had pushed X far enough and dropped the arm. Diplomacy was something that X and Zero disagreed on; with X, it was the first thing to try. With Zero, it was the last.
It never hit him until it was too late that maybe that wasn't a good system.
"X," As many times as he'd repeated that word in the past three minutes, he should have made an R-rated joke by now. In fact, the corners of his mouth started to twitch, but the glare he caught out of the corner of his eye was warning enough.
He didn't comment.
6) If he thinks that you regret your actions, most, and sometimes all, of his anger will usually dissipate.
"Hear me out?" He asked as mournfully as possible, complete with the drooping head, the crossed eyebrows of distress and –the killer- the worrying of the lower lip. The puppy dog eyes had almost never failed to get him out of trouble, though Zero would never be the first to admit that it was at least partly because he was being serious and actually wanted to have a civil discussion and X, naïve little thing that he was, preached friendship and harmony too often to be an open hypocrite when someone wanted to actually promote it /with/ him.
He was met with a frown, but that was a vast improvement over the glare.
"WHY did you feel the need to lop off Ryan's arm?" He didn't even dance around it or wait for Zero to bring it up. X might have forgiven Zero murder, but that was usually because it was Mavericks that he was decapitating, not members of his unit!
'He touched you!'
That probably wouldn't have made much sense to X. It probably would have made a lot of sense to the nice people running the security camera, and he had enough people to shut up as it was, thank you.
Which is why he didn't say that. "He groped you!"
7) If it's possible for something that isn't innocent to be seen as innocent, that's how X'll usually see it.
"Zero, it was just a hug!" He cried, exasperated. The cry of someone who had had this kind of argument before. Not that it was entirely bad that Zero was protective; it was just a little over the top when he started mauling people for little things!
"People don't just randomly hug their superior officers!"
"They might when said officer has been staying late to help them pass training!" X snapped, swinging his arms around in what reminded Zero of a ticked off chicken. "He's been trying level nine for two months Zero, he was just happy he finally got through it!"
8) If you don't come out with valid reasons, X will dismiss the argument entirely.
"He used it as an excuse!"
9) At the same time, if he knows that you're hiding something with lame arguments, he'll start tearing into you.
Because that was Zero grasping at straws just now. And it hit him a moment too late that that was a show of weakness in his argument. And X, self-proclaimed pacifist, would latch onto it like a bloodthirsty shark and start maiming his defense in about two seconds.
Sure enough, X raised an eyebrow, not that Zero could see it under the helmet. "…Why did you attack my lieutenant?" He repeated slowly, frowning slightly at the guilty look that flittered across Zero's face. Of course it was replaced with a smile, albeit a weak one, but the momentary lapse was enough here.
He was screwed. On several levels. None of them he liked, which is what really hurt here.
"I just told you why."
"But you're not telling me everything."
"There's nothing to tell!"
11) When words get him nowhere…
"Tell me." It was 'the voice.' Not to be confused with 'THE voice' which was accompanied by the big, bright green eyes and mournful look that said, 'I trust you completely so if you lie or say no I'll die of a broken heart.' No, it was 'the voice' the one accompanied by the tight frown, the narrowed eyes and the overall look of, 'Hell no I don't trust you so tell me the truth or your ass is in trouble!'
"The truth? You can't handle the truth!"
The cheesy line didn't even get the corner of X's mouth to twitch up; in fact, it dropped further down, if that was even possible. Ignoring the obvious and pathetic attempt to change the subject, all X felt was a headache coming on. "Zero Omega…"
…Well, of course he could handle it, but let Zero postpone the inevitable a little longer please. Just long enough to weigh the options and the facts that it would either make matters worse and cause the clichéd uncomfortable silence, -Both of which were bad- or that it might prompt X to transfer the little bastard out of his unit.
"It didn't help his case any that he went around telling his friends that you have a nice figure."
'Well, substitute 'figure' for 'ass', amongst other things…'
12) Oddly enough, X doesn't seem to know he's attractive in any sense of the word, so any comments there of tend to throw him for a loop.
Maybe the entire world stopped breathing when those words left Zero's mouth, though it was probably just him blocking everything out. He knew that all sound in the hallway seemed to die as X came to a complete and total stop. His eyes widened a bit before he blinked repeatedly, a single syllable eventually making it around his tongue.
"'Oh'?" Zero recited, trying to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice. "oh? That's it? You're not upset?"
"…I'm kind of shocked and the jury is still out on disturbed, but why would I be upset?"
See number 9 again.
"Because why Zero? You don't seem to get upset when half the base is drooling at your heels, poking at your armor and sitting on your lap." It was accompanied by a teasing smile, trying to take any sting out of the words and show that it was a tease, a prod, and proof that he wasn't really upset.
And for some reason, Zero never did know how to stop when he was ahead.
"Because that's me, damnit, and I don't want other people touching you!"
A cricket chirped somewhere off to the distance.
1) Stentorophonic. Holy COW that's a weird word. The first time I heard it I was in class, and my teacher was on 'spelling funky words week' –you don't want to know the other words. X.x- and here was one of them. And then we continued to learn about how it was derived from some Greek guy of the same name who lost a shouting contest with Hermes and died. Fuuuuuuun…
Obstreperous: I was in debate here, because it would have been, "…That you're like one of those angry little yippy dogs?" instead of the, "…That you have an abnormally loud voice?" And yeah. I decided to stick with what is there now.
And crap. This is going to need another chapter, isn't it? O.o
...Kidding! I'm working on it, but time is something I don't have much of right now, since I'm preparing for a trip. Anywho! Review please! Even to tell me I'm a deranged fangirl with no sense of humour?