Lost in the Darkness

Synopsis: Morgaine's pain and sorrow after discovering the truth about the night of the Beltane rituals (TV based)

With child. The words echoed painfully in her mind. She was carrying Arthur's child, her brother's child, the child of Britain's king. Morgaine was at a loss. Viviane had tricked her, deceived her into coupling with her own brother. Her own brother, who loved her more than any other woman and sadly, Morgaine had come to love that man more than any other, more than even Lancelet.

Morgaine, despite the warm fire nearby, shivered. Gwenhwyfar, Arthur's wife, was not yet with child and from somewhere deep inside of her Morgaine knew the Christian Queen would never conceive. Her lack of faith in the goddess for one thing and her lusting for Lancelet another, Arthur had only just been crowned as king a few days ago and his marriage to Gwenhwyfar only just announced but Morgaine could easily see the lust in her eyes for the brave knight. Gwenhwyfar would destroy Arthur, of that Morgaine was certain.

Morgaine rested a hand on her stomach, her body churning. The child she might have given birth too, would have been Arthur's first born, would have been heir to the throne of Britain, whether or not Gwenhwyfar conceived. She shook her had. This child, this abomination growing inside her womb should never be born, could never be born. Her aunt was in the other room in that same instant brewing a potion to help Morgaine cast away her child.

Morgaine's head dropped. She knew her aunt cared nothing for her, she knew that her aunt only wanted her to cast away her unborn in order to gain the power of Queen Mother. Morgaine pursed her lips together. She knew what she had to do. This child, this child that was never supposed to exist or even been thought of, must be cast away. For Arthur, Morgaine thought and for herself.

It was the only way to solve her problems, to solve Arthur's problems. Morgaine moved her hand up and down on her flat stomach. She greatly wanted a child. Lancelet's child. Morgaine closed her eyes in pain. She didn't want to cast way this babe, she truly didn't, but she knew that if she did not her baby brother would suffer he consequences of actions that were not entirely his own fault.

She would never tell Arthur what had occurred from the Beltane and she would never tell Arthur that it was she, his sister, who had coupled with him that evening. Arthur could continue to fantasize about this woman and she, alone, would hold to her heart the pain and suffering of had happened. Arthur didn't need to know, Arthur didn't need to be shamed.

"Here," her aunt said, coming into the large den and standing in front of her, offered her a cup of liquid.

Morgaine looked up at her aunt with a dull expression and took it slowly. Arthur must never know, she reminded herself. Her love for Arthur as a lover would burn a black hole in her heart and she alone would carry the burden. Besides, telling him would only hurt him, it wouldn't help him. There was no reason for him to know.

Morgaine, pain burning inside of very soul, slowly put the cup to lips when a voice interrupted, "What do you think you are doing?"

Morgaine slowly put the cup down to her lap. Viviane. She closed her eyes in pain. Viviane would try to save this child. Viviane had helped create this child. Morgaine stared at her dimly as her aunt and Viviane hashed it out.

She barely heard a word as the horrible secret dug deeper and deeper into her very being and Morgaine knew that a pain such as this would never die and would haunt her for all eternity.