Last Thoughts

By Kate Carter

Disclaimer: Stargate and any familiar characters aren't mine; I'm just borrowing them. I'll return them in more or less the same condition I found them, which isn't hard, because most of the main ones are already dead!

Author's note: Oh man. These things are so angsty, my regular readers will come hunt me down and shoot me (assuming I have any). I am normally a humor writer. This is a complete 180 from my normal genre. But it had to be written! Don't kill me (too)! Muse has been niggering at my brain for months about writing this!

Chapter 1 – Janet Fraiser

Written April 16, 2005

Spoilers: Mostly "Heroes Pt. 2", some of "Hathor", "In The Line Of Duty", "Singularity", "The Broca Divide", "Meridian"

A/N: Yeah…I've never died. So I have no clue if this is in any way, shape, or form possible, and I suspect the only ones who could tell us are dead themselves. The statistics about reviving someone without brain damage suffered come from my paramedic parents. (06-13-05; please see note at bottom of this chapter)

They say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

Until now, I never believed it.

They also say, there's such thing as an instant death. Until now, I believed that one. I don't anymore. Because I know better now.

You don't die instantly. At least, not from a chest injury. Maybe you do if you suffer an extremely traumatic injury to your head, one that literally blows your brain apart. In the last half-second or so, I've developed a hypothesis. It is, that when you die, your heart stops, your respiratory function stops, you are clinically dead – but you don't die right then. I suppose it's when you lose too many brain cells, when they're not being supplied with oxygen. Which means you may have up to ten minutes to think, since the chances of reviving someone without their suffering permanent brain damage decreases ten percent every minute after the heart stops.

Shame I'll never get to share my hypothesis. It'd be a revelation in the medical community.

Oh well. Life's too short for regrets. I can really appreciate that now, since my life's just been ended. The staff blast caught me full in the chest. One minute I was tending Wells' injury, the next, I see a bright light and feel like I've been punched in the chest. My eyesight faded out. I could hear Daniel call my name, right before my hearing dimmed and faded. He was lucky he wasn't hit as well. Sorry, Daniel.

Sorry to everyone. General Hammond, you'll have to find someone to replace me now as CMO. I hope there's someone who can handle it; it's a stressful job. I loved it though. The worst part was when one of my friends came through injured. I was there while Colonel O'Neill's file grew three inches thick, and while Daniel attempted to keep up. I hope whoever is the new CMO can manage them; those two alone seem to be half my work. I always got a wicked pleasure out of threatening Colonel O'Neill with needles…sorry Colonel.

Sam. I'm sorry. I always loved being around you. Our friendship really started out during the Hathor incident, but I always felt it cemented when you were in the infirmary recovering from Jolinar. We laughed together, we cried together. Of course, the major block of it was built around Cassie. You were as much her mother as I was, it seemed. I know you'll watch out for her now that I'm…now that I'm gone.

Cassie. Oh, sweet, sweet Cassie. My little girl. I always wanted to be a mother, but until you came along, I never thought I would be. My poor baby, now you've lost two mothers in your short life. You were so excited about college, and you worked so hard to get in. I hope it goes well for you. I hope you hold on to your dream of medical school and the Air Force, like I did. My will leaves everything to you, and I hope it'll be enough to get you through. It should be. Sam will help you. Oh baby, I'm so sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am.

It's getting harder to think now. It must be my brain cells dying off. Memories are flashing before my "mental eyes" now.

…laughing with my brother, playing outside as a child…

…swinging on the school playground, my slightly chubby legs pumping up and down, the wind blowing my pigtails back and my skirt against my legs…

…graduating high school, seeing my parents beaming as I accept my diploma…

…my first case as a full-fledged doctor…

…getting married, feeling absolutely convinced he was the one for me…

…getting divorced, crying in my room for hours on end…

…my first days at the Air Force Academy, feeling lost and confused…

…being told of a new, top-secret program, and the strange alien artifact at the center of it all…

…tending to my first big medical emergency at the SGC, the virus SG-1 brought from the Land of Light…

…fighting Hathor and her army of our own men…

…fighting to save the life of the little girl I would come to love more than anything…

…the Christmas party with SG-1 a few years back…

…Daniel dying from radiation sickness…

…Cassie's high school graduation…

…Daniel returning with no memory…

…Cassie telling me she wanted to study pre-med in college…

…being shot just a few minutes ago…

It's…harder to think now…can't concentrate…slipping away…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…everyone…I love you all…

The End

A/N 2:

I actually got some verification of my theory that there's no such thing as instantaneous death (barring blowing your brains apart) in a small semi-article published in "mentalfloss" magazine (May-June 2005, p. 18 "Dead Man Gawkin'") which says that scientists conducting experiments in early 19th-century France (where decapitation by guillotine was a regular occurrence) found that decapitated heads would respond to stimulation for 10-12 seconds following their loss of a body. For instance, if you called their name, they would look at you (can we say freaky!) and would have the ability to blink yes or no (not that they were in a mood to answer questions). Having said that, I feel the need to add a disclaimer…I do not have any connection to "mentalfloss", but I think it's a really awesome magazine and by far my favorite non-horse related magazine.

A/N 3:

Also, I know there are no references in the series to Janet Fraiser's past, except that we know from "Hathor" that she was previously married and her ex-husband sounds like a jerk. And I know we know nothing about her private life outside the SGC, but give me some artistic license and don't flame me for it, OK?