A/N: Some people requested a sequel, so -- while I'm playing nursemaid to my mother -- I decided to write one. Sort of. It's kind of like a follow-up on the first Hammered, but on a different pairing.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing that I do not own.
Kakashi sighed. He really needed to harass someone. It seemed as though his team was made up of complete idiots, now. Not just one, and not just two – all three of them were acting head-over-heels. Sasuke was blushing, keeping his eyes to the ground, and being silent – though, technically that was usually normal, minus the blushing of course. Naruto kept on watching the sky, grinning evilly and snickering, then blushing when he noticed he was being watched. Sakura, however, was perfectly normal – if normal ever described her in the first place. She was still having girlish fantasies about Sasuke, or so Kakashi thought. He never could tell with teenage girls anymore.
It was especially funny seeing Naruto lead Sasuke out of the tavern that night. Kakashi laughed so hard he fell off of the stool he had been slouched on. Naruto in his Sexy no Jutsu form with a very drunk Sasuke hanging over his shoulder. Just what were they planning…? Kakashi tried to keep his mind focused on them, but it seemed to have a track of its own to run, forcing his thoughts to more annoying things. He really needed to annoy someone…anyone.
Turning to the man behind the bar, he raised a finger, and soon he found himself in possession of a fine bottle of sake. Nodding his thanks – the bartender would add the bottle to his tab – he took his leave, wondering whom to harass.
Well, he thought, there is that one busty lady that lives on the corner… No, she's out tonight. There is that one virago that… No, that was Kurenai, damn it! There's that one guy I met some time ago… but… the last time I visited he tried to kill me with his axe and feed me to his pet alligator, so I guess he's out of the question. Are there any nice people I know who won't try to put me on a spit and feed me to the estranged animals they sleep with?
He wasn't watching where he was going, though it truly wouldn't have mattered because he was too drunk to see straight anyway, much less see the bag of groceries sitting right in front of him waiting there to trip him. So he fell, the bottle of sake flying out of his hand, his face hitting the dirt. He cursed his luck. Not only did he not find a perfectly harmless somebody to harass, but now he lost his drink as well.
"Ow, damn it!"
Okay, so there was somebody to harass, Kakashi thought, rolling over to stare at the cursing teacher rubbing his bruising eye, the sake bottle still whole, though rolling beside the damned, evil grocery bag. It was a dark night, but Kakashi managed to get his vision straight enough to identify his injured comrade.
"Iruka!" he scolded. "You're not supposed to be using language like that! It's a bad influence."
Iruka gave him a deadpan look, telling Kakashi it was his own fault. "If you hadn't have drank so much," he began, "then you wouldn't have fallen over my groceries you perverted, lazy jounin!"
Kakashi sighed, So much for 'perfectly harmless'. He sat up, albeit with a bit of pain, and gave Iruka his saddest look. Had his mask been down, it probably would have worked, but all he received was a knock to the head with the chuunin's fist. Whatever it was Iruka did, it brought Kakashi back to his senses…momentarily. "Need any help?" he offered.
Again, with the hard look. Could the situation get any worse? "You're sitting on my bread." Obviously, it could.
Kakashi gave a small smile and scratched the back of his head, but made no move as to stand. His current alcoholic intake, plus his standing up, was not a relative equation linear with his equilibrium – quite the opposite, in fact.
Iruka stood there – definitely not a happy man – with his arms crossed and his foot tapping in annoyance. Kakashi was certain he'd heard the usually calm and collected teacher growl, but wasn't quite sure. Drinking did, after all, impair one's judgment. It also messed with one's memory, as Kakashi was about to prove.
"I though you wanted to help me," Iruka stated, arching one eyebrow.
"Yes! Now stand up, you're sitting on my bread!"
"I am?" Kakashi looked down, raising his hips so he could see the loaf beneath him. "Oh, how do you like that? I am!"
Okay, so maybe he just wanted to harass Iruka. It was fun seeing him riled up, and he highly doubted any of his students could make their teacher promise death through his eyes.
"Have you been taking lessons with Neji? No? Then with Sasuke maybe? No, not him either, eh? It must be Gaara then."
Kakashi continued to ramble on, completely ignoring Iruka's heated glare. It was safe to say – though for Kakashi it wasn't – that Iruka was planning a murder. I might have to bring Ibiki-san in on this, but that wouldn't be as much fun for me. No, but Naruto might be able to help…
Iruka knelt down before Kakashi, extending his hand and giving a warm smile. "Get up, Kakashi," he said in a low voice, sensuous enough to make the jounin blush.
As soon as Kakashi was stable enough to stand on his own, Iruka gathered his fallen groceries – hearing mutters of "Evil bag…" and other things not so nice – and went into his home, dragging Kakashi along behind him. He put everything away into their proper places, and returned to the living room – where he had deposited Kakashi – and sat down on the couch, the lazy jounin joining him.
"Where's my sake?" Kakashi asked, eyeing Iruka suspiciously.
"You hit me with it, remember?" Iruka replied, pointing to his eye.
"That still doesn't explain why it's not here."
Iruka sighed dramatically, pulling the rubber band out of his hair, and tugging at his shirt for emphasis. "My hair is wet, and my shirt is soaked. What do you think happened to it?"
Kakashi narrowed his eyes for a moment, seeming to look like he was actually thinking hard. "You took a shower with your shirt on… And then you drank my sake!"
"You're a lost cause," Iruka murmured, his nerves pulling tight. "I'm wearing your sake, you idiot!"
"Then take it off!"
Kakashi jumped on Iruka's lap – so he couldn't escape – and tore at his shirt, actually looking for the sake bottle. "I don't see my sake!"
Iruka rubbed his temples tiredly, annoyed at Kakashi's drunken state and loss of brain. "That's because it spilled on me!"
Kakashi gave a blank look, tilting his head to the side. His next action, to his deliriously pleasurable delight, stained Iruka's cheeks a beautiful crimson: he put his head down and licked Iruka's chest, dragging his tongue to his neck. Pulling away, Iruka looked crestfallen. Hadn't Kakashi taken off his mask?
Iruka looked up into Kakashi's mismatched, lust filled eyes, a coy smile shaping beneath his thin black mask as he leaned forward, placing a chaste kiss on Iruka's lips before falling sideways onto the couch, completely unconscious.
"Well, how do you like that, " Iruka grumbled, another evil smile alighting his face. "Played right into my hands. Literally." Oh, yes, Naruto would definitely need to help with this one… Maybe even Sakura and Sasuke, too…
Kakashi awoke late in the day. The first thing he noticed was his pounding headache. Then he acknowledged his discovery at finding himself naked in an unknown bed, in an unknown room. Hopefully it's not an unknown village, he thought helplessly, going over to the closet. Great, girly clothes. Just what I always wanted to wear.
He took a light colored robe from one of the hangers, pulling it on slowly. He could smell breakfast cooking, and he followed his nose, the throbbing in his head momentarily subsiding to the hunger in his stomach.
There was a woman there, standing in front of the stove, humming lightly as she cooked, flipping the contents of the pan every so often. She didn't seem to notice him, and he wasn't about to ruin the moment by making a sound – let alone a rude comment.
He sat at the table, noticing that there were five places set. Company? This sure was a busy woman. Kakashi watched her work, listened to her voice as she did so. Where the hell had he picked this one up? He yawned and stretched, rubbing his sleepy eyes.
The woman turned then, startling, holding a hand to her chest and shaking her head at him. "You always do that to me! You should be a little more noisy when you wake up!"
He immediately noticed the ring on her left hand, his eyes widening in surprise. If this was the wife, where was the husband?
She laughed, setting a plate down in front of him. "Don't look so scared, silly. I'll go round up the kids."
Kakashi closed his eyes, hoping that he was dreaming. He peeked at his own left hand cautiously, and dread returned full-force. He was wearing a matching band. He was the husband! He shook his head in denial. Oh, no! No, no, no! This is not happening! This is just a dream! I'm too young to settle down! Let alone have a kid! But she said kids! As in plural! Oh, god, no!
He would have began banging his head on the table, were it not for three children running up to him, tugging at his arms, and screaming, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Settle down, children," his wife scolded, sitting at the end of the table, opposite Kakashi. The kids listened, sitting in their chairs and beginning to eat the meal. Kakashi stared at them for a moment, cocking his head to the side. They all looked like Iruka. His wife even had the same scar across her nose, and the dark skin and hair and eyes. There was something fishy going on, and it definitely wasn't breakfast – seeing as how it was really lunch, and the meal had nothing even remotely fish-like with it.
Before Kakashi could question his family further, his wife stood up, smiling widely, a blush spreading across her cheeks.
"Children," she began, moving over to Kakashi, "Your father and I have something important we'd like to share." She grabbed Kakashi's hand, holding it over her stomach. The action didn't go unnoticed by the three little Iruka's, who sniggered and gave disgusted looks to their parents. "I'm pregnant! And the doctor said this time it's going to be quintuplets!" She squealed, hugging Kakashi tightly. "Now, why don't you three go out and play for a while. I want to talk to your father."
Kakashi gulped, watching as the kids stormed out of the house, giving battle cries and laughing until the sounds died away. He was immediately pulled out of his chair –into the bedroom – by his wife, who quickly began tearing at his robe, pushing him down on the bed and straddling him. She began to kiss him, her lips doing things he never thought imaginable. She halted her attentions, however, and moved up to look at him.
"Remember that fateful night so long ago?" she whispered.
Kakashi cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Not really. But if you tell me again, I might."
She looked taken aback, and then frowned, her eyes shining and her lips pouting as she pulled away from him, a hurtful expression on her face. "You mean… you don't remember that night when we happened upon each other by chance, and then you ravaged my body like it was never ravaged before, and I screamed your name until we got complaints from my neighbor? But we continued anyway, despite the interruptions, and in your thirteenth climax, you confessed your undying love for me, and suggested we should get married. But they wouldn't allow two people like us to marry, so I suggested something. You didn't like at all, but I did it anyway, just to make you happy. Next thing we know, we have triplets. And now, we're going to have five more, and you don't remember anything at all!"
Kakashi scratched his head, his brain searching through every memory. It really did sound familiar, but he didn't remember doing any of it. Then it dawned on him. "Isn't that speech out of Icha Icha Paradise, Volume Two?"
His wife looked ready to kill. "What did you do! Memorize the whole damn book!"
Kakashi took a deep breath, ready to explain that he actually had memorized it from reading it so many times, but decided he's play along with whatever game his "wife" was playing. "Now I remember!"
Before she could protest, he had her pinned to the bed, squirming beneath him – doing terrible things to his anatomy, by the way. He kissed her breathless – literally – until she stopped struggling, huffing to regain her lost oxygen
"Should I do it again, or are you going to tell me the truth Iruka?"
His wife's face went completely red, popping back into "her" original form. "So," Iruka began, "How'd you know? The speech did it, right? Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have listened to Sasuke!"
"Sasuke helped you?"
Iruka nodded his head. "And Naruto, and Sakura. Originally it was my idea."
"So," Kakashi stated, lowering himself to lie on Iruka – who was still madly blushing. "Those three were the kids. Sakura probably lent you the clothes in the closet, and the rest was up to you. It was nice though. But I have one question."
Iruka looked up at him expectantly. "Well, what is it?"
Kakashi let out an evilly delicious smile. "This time, will our children only have your traits? Because I really want people to know that I'm in them too."
Iruka swallowed down the lump in his throat, his face heating to blistering proportions. "Just – just what are you suggesting?"
Kakashi removed his mask, looking coolly into Iruka's eyes. "That we should make your dreams come true."
Meanwhile, over at Ichiraku, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were wondering how well Iruka's game was going with Kakashi. It didn't take long for them – as well as most of Konoha – to hear the answer.
"Ahhh! You perverted jounin!"
It was easy to tell that Kakashi had won.
"So," Naruto spoke, breaking the deafening silence that had overcome the whole of Konoha. "Who's up for some ramen?"
A/N: I had a few requests for a sequel – or a chapter two, whatever it may be – and I decided to do with a KakaIru pairing. I'm planning on doing several more, but I'm not quite sure whom it should be with. I was planning on doing one with Sakura, or Neji, or Gaara, but I'm not sure about the pairing. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be really great! Thanks, and please review!