Author's Note: Yeah, I'm on a bit of a song parody streak or something. They're fun and easy to write! Please note, however, that I do not like the song I'm basing it on. At all. I just thought it was fun to parody.

Disclaimer: Myst and Riven are property of Cyan Worlds, Inc. I wish I was part of it, though. "That Don't Impress Me Much" is property of Shania Twain. She can keep it.

That Don't Convice Me Much

Verse 1

I've known a few guys who had pretty good taste

But you have so much treasure; you consider some of it waste

You have stashes of wine, some portraits on the wall

How many towns did you raid to pay for it all?

Bridge

Oh-oo-oh, you say you're not evil

Oh-oo-oh, you say it's someone else

Chorus 1

Okay, so at least your brother's the crazy one

That don't convince me much

So you got the 'tude but is that really enough?

Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy

But I still don't believe you; what you say is a lie!

That don't convince me much

Verse 2

I never knew a guy could have so many knives

A tube of arsenic in your bedroom drawer – just in case

You always keep that trusty shock cage up and alive

'Cause, Maker forbid, your servants step out of place

Bridge

Chorus 2

Okay, so your brother is the cruel mastermind

That don't convince me much

So you got the proof but is that really enough?

Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy

But I still don't believe you; what you say is a lie!

That don't convince me much

Verse 3

You're one of those guys with ego trouble

Everyone has to obey you or they're dead on the double

You say because you're D'ni, you're a god of might

Tell me, old chum – you gotta be kidding, right?

Bridge

Chorus 3

Okay, your wife died. Sorry I missed the funeral

That don't convince me much

So you got the lines down but is that really enough?

Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy

But I still don't believe you; what you say is a disgraceful, dirty, foolish lie!

That don't convince me much

Closing

Okay, so you think I believe you?

Forget it

That don't convince me