Title: Bertie's Birthday Present

Author: Tiamat's Child

Rating: G

Fandom: PG Wodehouse's Jeeves and Wooster novels

Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

Summary: A good gentleman's gentleman is always subtle.

Notes: Shamelessly silly fluff. For my friend Hyel, as a present.

Bertie's Birthday Present

"Well, Jeeves, that does seem to be everything. Except for the kitten…"


"The kitten, Jeeves, the kitten! The creature's still here. You have failed to find a way to reunite it with the young lady who is most certainly pining for it at this very minute. I expected better of you, I really did."

"I believe that this kitten lacks a young lady to be reunited with, sir."

"You mean it's been abandoned? I say! That decides that, then. One can't have abandoned kittens wandering about London. It only encourages the sort of bird who'd dump them. He looks about, sees all the urchin kittens, and says to himself, 'What's one more?' I won't stand for it, Jeeves."

"Quite right, sir."

"We're keeping the kitten. No, no, I won't hear a word of protest. The poor thing's too gentle for the streets. Wouldn't last more than a day. The code of the Woosters requires that we provide it with sanctuary and succor. Besides, I quite like the little chap's pluck."

"I believe that this particular animal is female, sir."

"Little girl's pluck then, though that doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?"

"No, sir."

"Ah, well, no matter! What do you name cats, Jeeves? Madeline Basset had one when she was a young lady. She told me all about it once. Its name was Fluffy Pusskin. No cat of mine is going to be called Fluffy Pusskin."

"Certainly not, sir."

"It's needlessly cruel. Rather like naming a child Eustacia."

"As you say, sir. This cat has something of the look of a Catherine about her, sir, if I might be so bold as to suggest…"

"You most certainly may! Catherine it is. I always fancied having a cat. …Jeeves? Don't you think it's a bit odd that someone would abandon a purebred Persian outside our apartment? And just in time for my birthday, too."

"The ways of the world are often inscrutable, sir."

"…True enough, Jeeves, true enough. Still…"

"Yes, sir?"

"...Never mind. See what you can do about talking the landlord into not fussing about the cat, will you?"

"Very good sir."