Disclaimer: Not mine. Rating: er... nothing explicit, kinda implied... R?
Set: post-Season of Death. Notes: Don't ask me to explain this, I've been up since 9am, and it's now 4somethingam.
This is RSR's fault, for keeping me up late after planting this suggestion (and probably Kym's fault.
I make no claims to this being good.

Become Water
by ALC Punk!

If you can't see shades of light and dark, it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends.

Aeryn thinks Zhaan ends before she begins, but she's not concentrating too hard on understanding that. Fingers, lips, tongue, and she arches, wondering if the Peacekeepers would outlaw this sort of 'recreation' if they knew of it.

Blonde hair flashes through her memory, but she doesn't want to think of Henta, who probably wants her tried and executed. She has Zhaan instead, a solid presence, marbled skin and glittering rings and the serene smile that broke her resistance to this in the first place. Sweat soaks her skin, and she wonders if getting the first stages of heat delirium is possible, but doubts it as she breaks into a million pieces, scattering across the floor of Zhaan's quarters.

"Aeryn..."

"You brought me back."

And now there is light and shadow, blue fingers tangled in dark hair, and Aeryn feels something shift under her.

Zhaan sighs, serene, "You are needed."

"So are you."

"Am I?"

Fiercely, Aeryn kisses her, mouth and teeth pouring out anger and terror and sadness all at once until Zhaan pulls her back, stroking a finger across her cheek. "I need you."

"You are stronger."

"No." She wants to choke om a sob. You can be better, they've told her over the years. You can break out of your training, learn compassion. Care. "I hate you."

"Yes." There is something sad in Zhaan's eyes, "I... understand."

"Stop understanding!"

"Aeryn--"

Complete control. She's cold again, quicksilver and darkness, against the fire-ravaged tapestries and travesties of a religion no one has use for anymore. "There has to be a way." No pleading, this time. Stiff upper lip.

"We're trying."

They stare across the gulf between them, and Aeryn wonders if it's widening, or if it was wider to begin with and she just stopped noticing. She steps back into the dim light from the broken fixtures. "Are you?"

"Come here, Aeryn."

There are promises in Zhaan's words, meanings that echo down into her bones, but she doesn't think she can handle them. "You won't be there."

"Perhaps not."

She steps forwards, anyway. "We're searching for a planet."

"Yes."

Another step, and she licks her lips, "I'm... being selfish."

"All beings are selfish, Aeryn."

"Yes."

Broken fixtures dapple light over skin again. And Aeryn wonders if she began when Zhaan ended. Or if this time, luck will change.

f-