Well this is the finish of No Silver or Gold. I hope this chapter, told in Nick's POV, will live up to your standards. Enjoy!
I'm in that box every day. I can see myself screaming, crying, holding that gun taught on my chin wanting nothing more to just pull the trigger and end my life. I couldn't do that though. Everyone would miss me too much although I have a feeling they already miss me.
I'm not the same Nick I once was. I could tell you that. I need help like I need a hole in my head. That's my philosophy. I'm just fine in my perspective but my perspective was shot in that box. So what's fine to me may not be fine to the team.
They can't help me. They don't know what it's like to be locked in an air tight coffin waiting, just waiting to suffocate to death or waiting for the right moment to pull that trigger. I couldn't ask them for help because they've never had that happen to them.
Life is no longer all that jazz. It's a death trap waiting to happen with me right in the middle; Catherine, Grissom, Sara, Greg and Warrick on the outside watching every moment. No one would pull out of harms way.
If only Warrick was in that coffin. Oh I would've never fought for him. It was his stupid action of flipping a coin that got me in there and got me in my mentality I'm in now. The mentality of madness. Warrick would've died a slow painful death and I would be right there watching and not helping. For some reason he's responsible.
Cath told me not to think that way. 'You would have helped,' she said. You know she's probably right but now I'm not so sure. Would I have helped if anyone else was in that box? Yeah I would and that's the truth. No matter what happens.
The team is like a family to me. They saved me and they have taught me everything I know. My mind is playing tricks on me and I know they know about it. They want to talk to me but no words come.
I cry every night. Cry for my parents, the team, myself. I can't help thinking that something might happen to the team or someone in it. My parents have been through enough they don't need anything else. Same with me. If anything else happens I don't know what I would do.
God help me please!