Title: Dazed and Dumbfounded

Author: Smenzer

Email: PG

Pairing: Hermoine/Draco

Archive: Yes, please archive. If you want to add this story to a website, please let me know.

Teaser: Lucius gets a shocking surprise for Father's Day. Hermoine/Draco

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Warner Bros, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Heyday/1498 films, JK Rowling and Raincoat books. This is just for fun. No money is being made.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a Draco/Hermoine fic and it's meant to be funny. I have no idea if this has been done before but in the few D/H stories I've read Lucius has either been dead, locked up in Azkaban or ignored. I think there's a great opportunity for humor here if written the right way. This may be a one-shot….

Seventeen-year-old Draco Malfoy stormed through Malfoy Manor in search of his father. It was Father's Day and he had the perfect gift to give him. Well, Draco thought it was perfect. What Lucius would think would be an entirely different matter. Two others trailed behind the pale skinned blonde Slytherin, their steps uncertain as they cast nervous glances over their shoulders every few seconds. The house was big and unnerved his guests, as did the expensive furnishings. He had changed this past year at Hogwarts and the identity of his two companions proved that. His Father's study was just before him and he stopped before the door. Gray eyes shifting to his friends, he commanded them to wait outside and then he bravely flung open the door and marched into the snake's lair. "Happy Father's Day, Father."

"Thank you, Draco." Lucius sat behind an immense carved wooden desk, a feather quill in one hand. Like usual, he was dressed in fine black clothing with silver decoration; his long silky white hair tied neatly behind him with a black bow. His gray eyes fastened on his son and a ghost of a smile creased his lips. "I expect we will spend the day together as always."

It was not a request.

"Of course, Father." Draco replied with his stomach in a painful knot. Telling his Father seemed like a good idea while they had planned it in Diagon Alley but now that he was here, well, it seemed a tad unwise. Still, he was determined to do it. "I look forward to spending the day with you."

Lucius rose from behind the desk and walked around it until he stood before his son. He glanced at Draco's empty hands and a slight expression of puzzlement crossed his face. Draco usually bought his father a gift and unless the boy had it hidden in his robe pocket Lucius didn't see it, unless it was something big, too big to carry into the study. The puzzlement was replaced with pleasure and the slight smile returned. "What have you gotten me this year?"

"A surprise." Draco mysteriously drawled as a hive of nasty hornets buzzed in his stomach. People always called it butterflies but this didn't feel like any butterflies he had ever seen, unless the Muggles had some really nasty variety he had never heard of. And he had to admit there was a lot about Muggles he didn't know yet but that would be remedied all too soon. If he survived, that is. Although he was nervous, his outward appearance was perfectly calm and he probably appeared bored.

"And what is this surprise?" Lucius asked.

"Well, you remember how we talked about me marrying Pansy?" Draco asked as he kept a careful watch on his Father's hands. And he couldn't help but notice that the cane that contained his father's wand had been left leaning against the wall in the corner.

"Yes. What about it?" Lucius waited expectantly for an answer, his searing eyes searching his son's face for a clue as to where this was leading.

"Well, I'm not going to marry that annoying pest." Draco firmly told his father. He stared Lucius boldly in the eyes, his feet planted wide apart for better balance in case he needed it. His knees were nice and limber in case he needed to move quickly. The truth was, he had no real idea how his father was going to react to the second bit of news. They had discussed it at a table in the Leaky Cauldron over butterbeers but had reached no conclusion, just several possibilities. "I'm marrying Granger, the know-it-all Mudblood!"

Lucius stared at Draco as if he had suddenly sprouted two heads. He blinked his eyes and his mouth dropped open in utter shock. Then his gray eyes rolled up in his head and he fell to the floor with a loud crash, unconscious.

Draco stared at his Father on the floor for a moment, then turned to the open doorway. "Get in here!"

Harry and Hermoine nervously poked their heads into the study and relaxed slightly when they spotted the body on the floor.

"Is … is he dead?" Hermoine nervously asked as she walked up to stand beside Draco. The corpse, if that was what it was, looked nice and peaceful on the floor. His face was relaxed and he didn't look quite so vicious. It was also one possibility they hadn't thought of…

"I don't know." Draco admitted as he stared down at his father's body. "Potter, go check him!"

Harry stood at Draco's other shoulder and turned to face the blonde Slytherin. "Why should I check him for? He's your father!"

"Because we're friends and I asked you to." Draco explained matter-of-factly. And they were friends. "Besides I'm a nervous wreck! Do you have any idea how hard that was? I thought he'd start flinging death curses about…"

"But he hates me!" Harry protested loudly. "What if he wakes up while I'm checking him? He could kill me!"

"Well," Draco said with his customary drawl. "I don't want him to kill me either. I very much want to live to see my honeymoon!"

Hermoine wrapped her arms around Draco's waist and pressed her body against his side. She smiled sweetly at Harry. "Do it for us? Please?"

Harry sighed loudly and turned his attention to the body on the floor. He knew they'd have to check it sooner or later anyway. And if he was dead they couldn't just leave him lying there. Maybe they could always hide it under a large rug and no one would notice the lump… So he cautiously stepped forward. When Lucius didn't immediately jump up to strangle him, Harry felt slightly relieved. Feeling encouraged, he stepped even closer and then knelt down onto one knee. He gripped the man's wrist and felt a steady pulse beat under his fingers.

"Well?" Draco demanded.

"He's alive. I guess he just fainted." Harry told them.

"I guess he took it quite well then." Draco commented. Truthfully he felt relieved as well. He very much wanted his father to be at his wedding and accept his choice of a bride.

"Yes, but what will he do when he wakes up?" Hermoine asked, worried. "He may still try to kill us all."

"I can't let Father boss me the rest of my life." Draco said as he hugged Hermoine and tried to comfort her. "That's why we decided to tell him, remember? I'm sure he'll adjust…"

Lucius' eyelids fluttered as he slowly rose up to consciousness.

"I think he's waking up!" Harry commented from where he still knelt near the Death Eater. He started to stand up but Lucius gripped Harry's hand tightly and the Boy Who Lived was forced to remain where he was. He glanced nervously at the other two but remained silent.

"Draco?" Lucius muttered as he rubbed at his face with his other hand. His grip on Harry's hand tightened as he thought it was his son's hand he was holding. "Is that you?"

"Yes, Father." Draco replied immediately.

"I had the most awful nightmare…" Lucius said as his fingertips massaged his forehead. "I had dreamed you had said you were marring that Mudblood you're forever more yakking about…"

"I did say that, Father." Draco admitted.

Lucius' gray eyes flew open and his gaze focused on his son. And Granger. They had their arms around each other and were both staring at him. They blinked at him and he blinked back. Then something else dawned on him slowly. "If you're over there then who…?"

The Death Eater shifted his gaze and discovered he was holding hands with no other than the famous Harry Potter!

"Umm … Hi?" Harry said uncertainly and very much wanted to race from the room, preferably with his hand still attached.

"You!" Lucius snarled as his customary anger flooded into his body. "This is your fault!"

"I didn't do anything! Honest!" Harry protested and tried to pull free of the older man's grasp. But Lucius had a firm grasp and wasn't about to let go. "They're the ones getting married, not me!"

"A likely excuse!" Lucius growled as he glared with cold eyes at Potter. But to his dismay the dark-haired boy finally pulled free and leaped to his feet. Murder danced in his eyes as he also jumped to his feet and snatched at his escaping prey. "You Gryffindors planned this, influenced him! I'll get you for this Potter!"

Forgetting he had a wand and Lucius didn't, Harry ran from the room. "AAAHHHH!"

Forgetting his wand was still in the corner, Lucius dashed after Potter.

"Yes, I think he took it rather well…" Draco repeated as he gazed into Hermoine's chocolate eyes. "Don't you?"

"Harry is so brilliant for distracting him like that! He always has the perfect plan up his sleeve." Hermoine agreed as she dreamily stared into his silvery eyes. She could get lost in those eyes…

Forgetting about Harry and Lucius, the two absentmindedly gazed at each other happily. The world around them seemed to vanish and shrink to just the two of them.

The End?

Sorry if Harry was a bit OOC at the end there. Oh and don't forget to check out my other HP fanfics: Symbiosis (where Lucius is Harry's new godfather) and The Emperor of Slytherin (which is a comedy)!