My terribly cliched, horribly bashing fanfic. Enjoy! ^__^ And.. PLEASE do NOT take me seriously for this fic.

My bash everyone fic!
by Clara


One bright and sunny, one certain, moronic bleach head stared at himself in the mirror. It shattered. Being as dense as he was, he stared at his reflection in the shards of glass. Raising one hand carefully, he touched one of those insane spikes of hair. CRACK! The spike broke from his head and fell on top of the remains of the mirror, shattering into a zillion pieces.


Cloud stared at the shattered hair for a long time.. then opened his mouth.

"I knew I should have washed it last year.."


On that same bright and sunny day, Tifa examined her reflection in the mirror, specifically looking at her chest. Cautiously looking around back and forth, she reached up and pulled some tissue from her bra, throwing it into the garbage can near her and leaving her with a normal sized chest. She let out a deep breath of relief, and was about to get into bed when she heard a knocking on her door. Letting out a frightened squeal much like a pig, she dove back into the garbage can and hurridly shoved the tissues back into her bra.

"Tifa?" Aeris asked, pushing the door open all the way. "Tifa, I.. uh.. why is your boob crooked?"


"La la laaa!" Aeris sang, skipping though a dense thick of flowers. "Oh my, what a beautiful day! I wonder what my beautiful Cloudie-sama is doing? Oh, he's so brave and strong and sweet and gentle and handsome and sexy and.." The airheaded girl's eyes became even more blank than they usually were as she listed Cloudie-sama's wonderful traits. The only thing that pushed her out of her thoughts was a beautiful batch of emerald green. "Oh! How beautiful!" Being as she was, she dove headfirst into the glorious, sparkling emerald green and began rolling around in it, rubbing her face against the smooth texture.

Tifa watched the flower girl's antics with a slightly bemused smirk on her face. "I wonder if I should tell her that's poison oak.." She paused thoughtfully for a second. "Naaah!"


"Heeeeheeeheee!" Yuffie cackled evilly, staring down at her new batch of materia. "Yuff, you _are_ the greatest! No one, especially not that stupid bleach head and silicon filled and airhead could ever, never beat you!" She skipped along merrily, when something shiney caught her eye. Nice and pretty and shiney and..


A few days later, Barret clicked on the TV. He frowned a little when he saw it was the news. Right as he was about to change the channel, something interesting caught his ear.

"On the brighter side today, a young girl by the name of Yuffie Kisaragi ran into traffic and was hit by a big rig, then ran over a few times by a steam roller, and finally had a parade of elephants trample over her. Onlookers say it was apparent she was chasing after.. a wad of foil.."


Present day:

"Heee! I must kill! Killkillkillkillkillllll!!"

"Sephiroth!" Jenova barked. "Stop playing with your masume or no cartoons for you tonight!

Tears rolled down Sephiroth's cheeks. "But mommmmy..."

"No but mommy's to me young man! Go to your room!"

"Yes mommy.."

End.. for now.

LoL.. FLAME AWAY! FLAMEFLAMEFLAMEFLAMEFLAME! *giggles insanely* Ahem, this is meant to NOT be taken seriously. ^_^