I know everyone and their cousin has done both these topics before, but I'm rereading PoA and I haven't done Sirius-leaving-home yet, so here's something of a version, and yet another Remus-confessional. Oh, and I'm not sure about the details, and the lack of quotation marks is intentional.


Unknowns

by

Redex


Sirius just kept telling himself that he didn't need them any more.

He had always hoped that despite his family's distain for him, he was still cherished somehow. It had been a foolish thought from the beginning, childish, but he had held on to it right up until the moment when he had been lying on the dining room floor, bleeding and half-dead and his brother had casually asked his father when the next meeting with the Snapes would be, as if nothing had just happened, as if his mother had not just cast the cretatious curse on him, as if their "meetings" wouldn't involve going out and killing some muggles for fun.

They had walked right around him to get out of the room, not even bothering to look down to see whether he was alive or not.

When he had recovered his strength enough to drag himself up to his room, he had only thrown everything he could into a trunk, pushed it down the stairs in a fit of frustration and then nearly fell down them himself before finding the jar of floo powder and sending himself to the closest place he could think of: James.

And now he was lying on a guest bed in his best friend's home, watching the moon's light slowly make its way across the wall. Even though Jim's family had been the most predictable first choice, and James was always good for a good rant over his family, now Sirius wished Remus was here.

He wanted to ask Remus why - Remus who had always known what it was like to not be a part. And now that Sirius was sure that even though he had the black hair, violet eyes and pale skin of a pure-blood family, he had not the heart of one, he didn't know what he was.

The next morning, Remus appeared, as if he had heard Sirius' calling for him the night before. In reality, James had called him and Peter late last night, but Sirius liked to think that they were connected enough for this summoning.

Sirius was at the breakfast table when Remus showed up and sat himself down beside him, accepting Mrs. Potter's offer of orange juice and giving Sirius quiet, appraising glances. They sat for a while and talked about nothing, always dancing around the topic that was straining them.

It wasn't until that night, when Sirius and Remus were sharing a bed, that they actually spoke of it.

What do you do when the people who are supposed to love you forever and always just don't? he asked the ceiling.

Forgive them? the lump beside him said.

Forgive? He asked again, feeling himself tense at the memories of that which must be forgiven.

It's hard, but you shouldn't blame people for their own ignorance, Sirius' opposite said quietly. Even if you're going to hate it, forgive them for it. Just try and prove them wrong.

Sirius sighed and felt his shoulders slump a little. Forgiveness? Maybe this would come in time. Remus, after all, had had such a long time to forgive everyone around him for their ignorance. Right now, Sirius was just mad and tired and safe with his friends, his real family.

Remus, he murmured, his eyes starting to be hard to hold open after two days and nights without sleeping. I don't know how you do it. But I'm glad you're here.

And he rolled onto his side, facing the window, feeling as embarrassed as it was possible when he was this tired.

Long, thin artist's fingers rested hesitantly on his back, on a bandage.

I will always be here for you, it said. You were always here for me, after all.

It wasn't until the next night sleeping in the same bed that they came to the same conclusion, but separately. When Sirius lay down in bed he faced towards Remus and watched with a little smile as Remus tried not to blush and kept letting his light brown hair fall into his face to avoid having to look at Sirius.

You know, the fear of werewolves, other than just the fear of being hurt by one, is closely related to the fear of homosexuals? Remus blurted out, not in his usual teaching tone. I mean, it's the effeminate man, being controlled by the moon, and the idea of being controlled only by instinct and not by what you should be doing... he trailed off.

You know I'm not scared of werewolves, Moony, Sirius murmured back. Exactly the opposite.

Oh, well, I just thought you should know...

If Remus had been blushing before, it was nothing to now. Sirius was tired, tired of faking it for everyone, tired of being cold and aloof.

Remus...

Sirius' voice was low and serious as he reached out to Remus' face, intent upon making him look at him. But when he leant in, he was startled when he felt the soft lips of his best friend placed upon his own. It was only briefly that they shared breath, but it was enough.

Don't worry, Remus said in a cynical voice that Sirius immediately didn't like. Even if you are considered weird within your own family, at least you know I'm weirder.

Sirius felt a cold rage at Remus' self-deprecation. He hadn't let go of Remus' face yet and leant in once more, nuzzling around his hair in order to find his mouth, which was still partly open in shock at his best friend's movements.

Sirius had only ever kissed girls before, but he hadn't ever kissed anyone as inexperienced as Remus was before.

Shut up, he murmured into the soft hair as Remus buried his face into Sirius' neck. I'm trying to mope here.

Sorry. Remus' voice was muffled, but Sirius heard it nonetheless. I just thought you might want to know... We all love you a lot, you know.

I know, he admitted, swallowing the desire to joke it off.

Some in different ways than others, Remus whispered, even quieter than before.

We'll deal with that later, Sirius responded, trying to be casual as he laid one arm around Remus' hunched back.

Sirius' heart was surprisingly light and he didn't have a hard time falling asleep that night. He felt that all that was left was for James to admit he was actually a vampire and Peter to say he was a transsexual house elf and then they'd be all set. Since when had his family actually supported him anyways? Of course he was mad, but he wasn't exactly loosing anything he would miss. He should be celebrating getting out of his family's house. Looking forward to the new school year with his friends.

Sirius knew that it didn't matter that he couldn't classify himself or his friends very easily, and he didn't need to. He didn't need his family any more.


Tell me what you thiiiinnnnk!