NOTE: Hey, I couldn't get this one-shot out of my head. I've been wanting to write a VaronxAnzu for a while, but couldn't come up with anything…until this one-shot. This is more for humor, than romance, but it does imply VaronxAnzu. I guess it's a drabble-type of one-shot, but what do I know? Hehe. Just watch how Varon answers the "Classic Question…." Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! but I do…sorta…own Varon (and Anzu's) made-up last name: Irwin.
The Classic Question
Varon Irwin stretched as he yawned and walked out of the bedroom he shared with his wife, Anzu, and into the family room. They were still a rather "young" couple, only having just entered their thirties not too long ago. This morning, he was clad in a T-shirt and his plaid boxers.
"Morning, Daddy," his oldest daughter, who was ten years old and named Kyrie looked up at him and waved. She was on the floor surrounded by papers of drawings and her coloring utensils.
"Morning, sweetheart," he walked over and kissed the top of her head.
"Hi, Daddy!" his twin-boy eight year-olds ran into the room, chasing each other, but also racing to their father.
"Hello there!" he laughed as he caught the two and swept the two up in his arms. The giggled.
The older one: a whole two minutes older, Cody said, "Daddy? How can you carry both of us?" he laughed in his naïve manner.
"Two kids weigh a lot!" the other son, Irving, interjected.
Varon laughed and gave them a triumphant look, "Well, it just so happens that your dad is the strongest guy around!" he set the two down on the couch.
Kyrie smiled slyly, "Which is why Uncle Amelda beat you at arm-wrestling last week."
Varon turned around with a slight, but joking frown on his face, "He cheated: nothing to it."
The two eight year old gasped and looked at each other, "Uncle Amelda…cheated!"
"Uh huh," Kyrie shook her head slowly. Varon was just about to walk off to get some breakfast when Kyrie's question halted him in his tracks. "So…are we getting another sibling soon?"
Varon turned around slowly with jerked movements, and his eye was twitching. "W-What makes you say that?"
"Well," Kyrie twiddled her thumbs, "About a month before mommy tells us she's going to have a baby, you always walk around in your underwear one morning…and mommy-"
"Good morning darling!" Anzu walked into the room briskly, and cheerful. She gave a quick kiss to her husband on the lips and continued to walk to the kitchen to feed the two year old toddler in her arms, Raven. A little five year old boy, Kai, tailed her, ready to be fed as well. As soon as Anzu had walked off, Kyrie continued.
"Mommy always wears that silk robe on the same morning.
Varon blinked and leaned to look into the doorway to the kitchen. Sure enough, Anzu was wearing that violet, silk robe.
Goodness, his kids were getting way too perceptive….
"So?" Kyrie inquired. "Are we?"
"I really don't kno- er…nothing certain-"
"Daddy?" Irving suddenly jumped off the couch and tugged at his father's shirt, "Where do babies come from?"
Time seemed to freeze around Varon. Not…that…question…. His eye twitched…again.
"Yeah!" Cody inquired, "Where do they come from?"
"Uhhhh," Varon gulped and sat on the couch. Kyrie herself was interested in this question. "Well…you know…they…come from…inside the mom! Yeah…just from-"
"We know they come from a mommy's tummy," Cody sighed, "But how do they get there?"
"Uhh…I'm not sure you're ready-"
"Yeah, Dad. I've been curious about that myself," Kyrie looked at him sincerely.
Her father looked surprised. "Aren't you ten years old yet?"
"Yes!" Kyrie exclaimed, "Don't you remember?"
"Well, my er…memory is failing as of late," Varon tugged on his collar. "And…your mother…hasn't…spoken to you…yet?"
"About what?" Kyrie cocked her head.
"Nothing…never mind," Varon waved his left hand while his right rubbed the back of his head, "Forget I said anything-"
"So? Daddy, won't you tell us?" Cody tugged the edge of his father's underwear.
"I really shouldn't-"
"But Dad!" Irving sighed, "Remember you told us that we could ask you anything? And you would always give us an answer?"
Varon's eyes looked up out of the corner of his eyes as if to remember. He suddenly smacked his forehead. The divorce incident two years ago….
"WAAAHH!" Cody and Irving ran into their room, locking the door.
"Oh, come on!" Varon reached the door and tried to open it, "You two open this door right now!"
"NO!" they both shouted from inside.
Anzu suddenly came up beside Varon with a newborn Raven in her arms, "Varon, what's wrong with them!"
"I don't know: I'm trying to find out!" Varon knocked on the door, "Come on you two! Open up!"
Kyrie came up beside her parents, "Want me to go get the screwdriver? It serves as a great lock-pick," she said.
"No, dear, we'll handle this," Anzu sighed. "Just…take your sister for a few minutes while we try to sort this out."
"Okay!" Kyrie took Raven in her arms, carefully.
"And make sure that you're keeping Kai company. You know how he doesn't like to be alone-"
"MOMMY! DADDY! WHERE ARE YOU!" the sound of crying filled the household.
"Oh God," Anzu put her head in her hands, "Varon," she whispered, "We have to start learning how to restrain ourselves-"
"Anzu," Varon hissed, "There. Are. Kids. Present!"
Kyrie took this as the cue to leave to go find her hysterically crying brother.
"Cody, Irving! Open this door!" Varon pounded on the wood.
"WE DON'T WANT YOU TWO TO GET A DIVORCE!" they sobbed from inside.
"Divorce!" Varon and Anzu looked at each other, shocked.
Anzu took this time to say through the doorway, "Who said anything about a divorce?" She looked at Varon, "What have you been telling-"
The door opened a tad, and two pairs of eye peeped at them. Irving's voice called out, "So…you're not getting a divorce?"
"I think we need to have a little talk here," Varon opened the door wider so that he and Anzu could step inside. Well, 'step' was a bit of an exaggeration….
"I thought I told you two to clean up this place!" Anzu looked around at the toy-covered floor.
"Sorry," they replied simultaneously, "We were too…worried to think about it."
Varon sat down on Cody's bed and patted his left leg, "Come here you two." They both scampered and jumped up into their father's lap.
Anzu sat down beside her husband, "Alright now, what is this all about?"
"Well," Irving started, "You two have been fighting a lot lately-"
"Mommy, you complain about Daddy not helping out a lot-"
"With Raven and all-"
"And sometimes you get so mad-"
"That you say you're going to leave!" They both started crying again.
Anzu took Irving in her arms, "Oh, shhhh. I'm not going to leave! I say stupid things when I get mad, sometimes."
"One of her more…not liked traits," Varon muttered. Anzu kicked his foot.
"So…you're not getting a divorce?" Cody sniffed.
"Never in a million years," Varon bounced the boy on his knee. "I love your mother far too much to ever let her go."
Anzu raised her eyebrows, "Where are you trying to go with this?" she gave his a quick peck.
"Who knows?" he shrugged, looking at her knowingly.
"And what did I just say not three minutes ago outside?" Anzu murmured to herself.
"Say," Varon stopped, "Where did you two learn about divorce anyway?"
"Uncle Amelda told us," they two responded in unison.
"Should've known," Varon growled, "He is so in for it…."
"How long have you thought we were going to get a divorce?" Anzu inquired of her sons.
"Ever since Raven came home," Cody said.
"Ah," Varon nodded, "Well, listen here, you two. I want you to know that you can ask us anything, okay? All you had to do was ask if we're getting a divorce, and we could have told you right then, alright? But this applies to anything, okay?"
"Okay," the two twins replied. Their parents hugged them tightly.
"So I did…" Varon rubbed the back of his head. "Well…I guess this does apply…." Of course, that didn't mean he was going to keep as much secret, as possible. They were just a little young for some of the…finer details. He was going to see how much they would buy before he could shut up.
"Well…do you know what cells are?" his toes twitched nervously.
"I do!" Kyrie bounced, "they're what make up living things! Like skin cells and plant cells-"
"V-Very good," Varon nodded. "Well…it takes er…two kinds of cells to make a baby-"
"What kind of shells?" Cody cocked his head.
"Cells, not shells," Kyrie scowled.
"Ooooh," he drew out, "okay! What kinds of cells?"
"Well, er…an…um…an egg-"
"An egg! Wow! I didn't know cells were so big!" Irving put his fingers together in the shape of a chicken's egg, "They're like…that big!"
"Hehe…that's a chicken egg, Irv," Varon rubbed the boy's head, "Not a…human…egg…." Oh God, what was he getting himself into?
"What about the other cell?" Kyrie inquired.
Oh boy… Varon could feel the perspiration coming. "Well," he tried to get slightly off topic, "You see…it always takes these two cells to create any baby thing. Like plants! There are gymnosperms and angiosperms and…they're named upon…how they're seeds look…which, for plants, is the baby, you know? Uhh…gymno means…well, umm 'naked' b-but it just means that the seed isn't covered with a special coat! It has nothing to do with se- er…anything!" he laughed sheepishly and was rubbing the back of his head again. "And see…angio means…well, I guess it means flowering or covered or something…. It's been a while since I was in a science class, but see, the seeds are covered with a fruit! And angiosperms flower-"
"Dad?" Kyrie interrupted, "As interesting as this is…what does this have to do with anything?"
"I'm just…trying to incorporate…other sciences-"
"Babies are a science?" Cody asked.
"Uh, well, yes: it's part of Life Science, or Biology-"
"We're taking Life Science in two years!" Kyrie exclaimed.
"WHAT!" Varon stood up quickly, "They're teaching that stuff at that age! Where is the phone…I am calling that school of yours-"
"Teaching what?" the three interrogated.
Varon froze. He was sinking deeper and deeper into the pool….
"Wait a second!" Kyrie stood up, "I think I know what you were trying to incorporate with all of those…er…gyo…gymo…well, those two spermy things. You kept stressing the end word! And you kept saying two cells-"
"Yes, yes, so…"
"The other one is a-!"
The doorbell rang. Anzu looked up from feeding Raven and set the food down. "Kai? Watch Raven while I run to the door," she instructed.
"Okay!" he replied, eating his toast happily.
Anzu walked from the hallway on the side of the house to the front door. "Who would be ringing this early in the morning?"
She opened the door and found a certain red-head she knew standing there.
"Hello there, Anzu," he smiled, stepping inside.
"Oh, it's just you," Anzu smiled.
"'Oh it's just you'? What kind of a greeting is that?" Amelda laughed, taking off his trench coat.
"Sorry," Anzu hit her head, "I was just wondering who would come so early in the morning-"
"It's almost noon," Amelda checked his watch. He then noticed the purple robe. "Ah, you must have slept in."
"Yeah…how'd you guess?" Anzu inquired.
"Just a lucky guess," Amelda turned in the direction of the living room. He looked over his shoulder, "So…another addition to the Irwin household coming soon?"
Anzu suddenly got what he meant and blushed, "Amelda!"
"Calm down," Amelda laughed. "Now…where's my good buddy, Varon?" he walked to the living room, with Anzu in tow, still slightly ruffled by the comment.
Varon was there, still in his T-shirt and boxers, patting Cody's head. "And see? That's all you need to know right now about where babies come from," he had a troubled, yet sheepish smile on his face, and was still sweating near his temples.
Varon suddenly looked to the doorway where Amelda and Anzu were standing, astounded.
"Are they that old already?" Amelda looked at his watch.
"Yah!" Varon jumped, "What are you-"
"But Daddy," Irving tugged on his dad's shorts again, "How do the…what did you say to call them? Male cells? How do they get into the-" Varon suddenly covered his son's mouth.
"VARON!" Anzu stalked over to her husband angrily and yanked him away, "WHAT ARE YOU TELLING THEM!"
"A-Anzu, dear, it's not as bad as it looks!" Varon stuttered.
"YOU CAN'T TELL THEM ABOUT THAT YET!"
"WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK RIGHT NOW!" Anzu dragged him over to their bedroom and slammed the door shut. Her head appeared a minute later, smiling sweetly at Amelda, "Amelda? Could you please retrieve Raven and Kai from the kitchen, or just keep an eye on them? Thanks…." She went back inside.
Amelda had to inflict self pain to keep himself from bursting out into a strong fit of laughter.
"Mommy's getting moody," Irving noticed.
"Daddy said she does that when she's going to have a baby," Cody said.
Kyrie walked over to Amelda, "Wow, Uncle Amelda, you were right! They really do dress like that when Mom's pregnant!"
"See? I told you it was true," Amelda patted the girl's head.
Nine months later, Kari Irwin joined the family.
One year after Kari was born, Varon came out of his room, yawning and stretching.
"Morning, Daddy," Kyrie called from her favorite position on the floor.
"Morning, sweetheart," Varon came over and picked up his daughter, kissing her head.
He set her back down and was walking towards the kitchen. Kyrie picked up a sheet of paper and ran over to her father, tugging on his shirt, "Dad?"
"Yes?" he turned around and acknowledged her.
Kyrie showed him the sheet with two names written on it, "I was thinking…if it's a boy, a nice name would be Saku. If it's a girl, I thought Hikari would be a pretty name."
Varon jumped and slowly looked down.
He was out in his underwear again….
Completed 11:58 AM, Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Haha, well, how did you like it? I thought it was semi-funny, at least. Tell me what you think! PLEASE REVIEW!